To be absolutely furious about this and drop DSS off at her house anyway?

[CottonCandy11]

It's me, DH, our son and my DSS who is 9. He's a lovely kid this is nothing to do with him personally but his mother.

He was due to go back to his mum's last night after being with us the previous 3 nights. She rang in the day and asked if he could stay another night as she had been invited out to something.

My husband asked me as he had to start work very early this morning (travelling down south so had to set off at 4am).

I said yes on the very strict proviso she comes to get him at 8am as I have a day out planned.

My son is 4 and I've planned a mother / son day out. Booked tickets for something and am really looking forward to just spending some fun downtime with him on our own. He's been poorly recently too and just got better last week so it's a nice treat for him (and me!).

Anyway, DH has just rang me saying she's messaged him saying sorry she won't be here for 8 as she ended up staying out so won't be home yet until about 11.

I'm so angry. I know her partner is at home (they have a baby so he's been in with their DC) and I know DSS has a key if he's still asleep. I'm seriously minded to go and drop him off with her partner. She'll be furious but I literally couldn't give a shit about what she thinks now, she cares about no one else whatsoever. It's always been the same, hers are the only plans that matter.

But I'm not missing my day with my son, I've been looking forward to it and I'm not having him and me miss out because she wanted to go on a piss up last night and didn't get home.

It would still make sense to check. Maybe they don't get on as well as everyone is assuming. He's not this guy's biological son and men can be pricks about that.

Also agree. Everyone putting their own wants and needs above the needs of a child. Extremely frustrating for the OP but those people thinking this sort of situation won't affect a 9 year old in some way long term are optimistic at best.

I would drop him off but I would make him let himself in, check that his step dad is there and come and tell me. Then be on my merry way and then text his mum to let her know. However I'm also in 2 minds as I was the step child. My mum married 3 times and I was the kid between many homes!

Does he want to go home? I understand you have tickets. Is there a grandparent or friend your side who can watch him?

And please be careful how you word everything. He doesn't need to know that 4 adults in his life don't want to look after him. I know that's not what you are saying but that's what he will feel

Probably because he's going to be pissed off with her, especially if she's told him that she's arranged that OP will take DSS out for the whole day.

I strongly suspect she wanted you to hold onto her son as she had no intention of collecting at 11am. She'll be hungover and would have gone back to bed, surfaced at 5pm and collected him then. I know this type of CF.

This is all so she can pretend to her husband that it was agreed all along.

Well done for your action and Turing your phone off. Not your circus.....

Just don't agree again if it scuppers your plans the following day as she can't be relied upon to keep her word.

I'm glad your DSS didn't realise.

Probably because he's going to be pissed off with her, especially if she's told him that she's arranged that OP will take DSS out for the whole day.

My sympathies are with your DSS. You don’t want to take him on a day out and his mums partner doesn’t want to look after him. He must feel loved and cherished. If you do nt want him around make it clear from the start - don’t do what you’re doing. You sound like a petulant child - he’s nine FFS - I hope he’s not picking up on your childish vibes.

Blended families aren’t easy but you knew he was around when you made a life with his dad.

Just seen your update! Sounds like you handled it well op. Don't give it another thought

you have blocked her over this? So immature. If both of you agreed to him staying overnight, you put the 8am rule in place, she asked for 11am. 3 hours, that is the difference is and the level of drama you have created over 3 hours is quite telling. It is not all about you and that is your son's brother. Poor wee man for his presence to cause such hatred and blocking over THREE hours, have a word with yourself.

Ease your worries @LydiaDeets
Isn't it FAR more likely that this woman, who has form for dropped arrangements, broken promises & piss-taking has no reluctance at all for her DP to provide childcare for her son, & that it's her DP who is in fact "reluctant"?

He's probably wise to her pisstaking, & has drawn a line in the sand.

If you do nt want him around make it clear from the start

Oh tosh. They've had him for four nights - one more than planned, because the op was happy to have him. She was clear from the start that she could have him till 8am, because she had plans after that. She absolutely was clear from the start.

Probably because she’s pulled this shit before and he’s said he’s not looking after him again. Being a step parent doesn’t mean you have to do all the childcare when the parent fucks off for the night.

Probably because she’s pulled this shit before and he’s said he’s not looking after him again. Being a step parent doesn’t mean you have to do all the childcare when the parent fucks off for the night.

@sidheandlight OP was supposed to go out for a day with her child. She’s got tickets booked. 3 hours is big change in this situation. And who could guarantee that it would be only 3 hours?

So DSS mum didn’t have the courage to contact OP directly to inform about delay but was happy to do it after drop off?

Maybe somebody should spell it out to DSS’s mother that bringing a child to this world means parental responsibilities= no piss up nights sometimes?

Oh,hang on, what wicked SM OP is for not wanting —to be a mug— to be DSS’s care giver while his poor DM is lying somewhere with self-inflicted headache.

Neither OP nor DSS’s dad are at fault here.

DSS mum is. Feckless adult.

@sidheandlight
I kinda agree here… at 1st I thought send him straight home, the mum is taking the piss but the reaction is quite immature in a way cos why not just communicate to the mum herself?
Also I wouldn’t be so sure the step dad is 100% ok to be around this child if the mum dont want him left there for 3 hours with him. Maybe she knows something, either way the mum is a prick.

I fee really awful for the boy.

Enjoy your day out OP.
it’s nice to see a step parents not put up with shit from the mum for once!

Seems odd that she's stopping out all night whilst she has a DP and baby at home. Are there wider issues at play here?

Hilarious replies trying to blame OP and pretending it's anyone's fault except the feckless mother.

What about her DS' feelings? Promised a day out with mum before he starts school and selfish cow attempted to mess it up for him.

The only person responsible for DSS' hurt feelings is his mother. He's probably got used to her selfishness.

How on earth do you work out from OP's posts that she doesn't want the child around? She can't take him on a pre-booked day out with her younger child and, perfectly reasonably, doesn't want to cancel it. This is just taking projection to ludicrous lengths.

YANBU obviously but if this isn’t a regular thing and you still had your day out then I wouldn’t be furious about it or block her.
I think your reaction is a bit OTT.

Have you seen MN a lot of women can be to, let’s not insinuate that because he’s male he’s automatically an abuser

Classic MN where the stepmum (who doesn't want to rearrange her whole day for the benefit of someone else's child) and stepdad (who is being accused of being dodgy based on very little evidence) are held to higher standards of care than the child's actual parents. One of whom is out on the piss, and the other seems to think it's everyone's problem but his. Madness.

I feel sorry for the poor lad. Everyone else is putting their needs before his.

Also it's the Ops problem as much as the step dads. What if he's due in work? Yes that's the mums fault but posters can't say it's not up to the OP as it's not a step mums responsibility but then say it's the step dads. There's certainly some double standards in some replies.

Let's be realistic though.