Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Send ILL toddler DD on holiday

304 replies

TiredHippo · 15/08/2022 04:29

Changed user name as don't want anyone knowing me from my other posts. My Ex BF is supposed to be taking my DD on holiday today, the flight is in the afternoon (3:00ish) but she's just woken up hot to the touch and thrown up, gave her Capol but threw it straight up. I phoned to let him know, and his attitude, to be honest, has angered me so much. I get from his tone, that he still wants to take her away with him. It's for a week away, and I'm not happy that he expects a toddler, who has just thrown up, with a temperature and is boiling hot to the touch to be able to get to the airport (1.5-2 hrs away, depending on traffic) to then go through the rigmarole of going through the airport, to then spend 4 hours on a flight. I said I didn't want her going through all that, but he said to.....stick a cold towel underneath her and see how she feels later. I get his frustration, I really do, as nobody wants their plans to change, especially when you've all been looking forward to go, but would IBU to insist I don't think she's well enough to go gievn the circumstances. Please be kind, I've got an ILL toddler at the moment.

OP posts:
deeperthanallroses · 15/08/2022 04:34

I suppose it’s not black and white, I’d monitor toddler up to the last minute tbh, because I’d want to go on holiday! What do you mean by boiling hot? 38? Give panadol and monitor, it could clear really quickly. 41? No, not going.

Original poster
TiredHippo · 15/08/2022 04:43

It's not us going, just him and his gf and her son. I would be here to look after her if he went away, which obviously he can do, as I'd expect he'd do the same if the shoe was on the other foot. How last minute is last minute though, as this happened an hour ago and he wants me to drop her off at 8:30 so they can set off for 10:00. The last thing I'd want to do after throwing up with a temperature is to go through a whole car/airport/plane journey, but I'm an adult and can get through that if I desperately needed to. I don't think a holiday to a foreign country when you're ILL is very wise.

OP posts:
containsnuts · 15/08/2022 04:44

YANBU. I'd hate to send DD off when unwell - they can deteriorate quickly at that age. What's the relationship like with your ex? Unfortunately, it might be seen by him as a poor excuse to stop him taking DD on holiday. I'd cover my back with a chat with the GP (if you can get one!). Any chance you could ask him to change the flight to give DD a bit longer to recouperate rather than cancel altogether? It might go down better. I hope DD feels better soon.

deeperthanallroses · 15/08/2022 04:53

I get that you’re not going, I am considering what I would do with my toddler. I don’t know what kind of dad he is - would he stay in the hotel with an unwell child or drag them around with them exploring and sightseeing? Young children can go downhill quickly but they can also have very brief illnesses and then be fine, that’s why I asked if the temp is closer to 38 or 41.
i would try a doctor to see what they say, as your ex could make things difficult otherwise.

Thatsmoneyhoney · 15/08/2022 05:38

If it was my child I wouldn't send them away unwell. Also... If it's a tummy bug the rest of them would catch it within a day or two and the trip would be ruined anyways.

lurker69 · 15/08/2022 05:42

It could be the heat but if its a sickness bug aside from it not being fair on her they will all end up sick and god knows how many other people on the flight!

Original poster
TiredHippo · 15/08/2022 05:48

We get on really well, especially when it comes to DD, that's why I was suprised by his response. He most likely would stay in the hotel with her, but I can't imagine that would be fun for anyone all round. If they were already there, then there would be nothing I could do anyway, I think it's just the travelling part that I'm worried about. He could still have a lovely time away, and I would look after her over here. I don't know if a G.P would be available so early, they don't open while 8:30 and he wants to set off for 10:00 it's all happened so last minute. I even said "of all the times for her to be ill, bless" but he just seemed more bothered about the Holiday than the fact she's been sick and is hot to the touch, it's her head, her stomach, arms, legs etc. It's the first time she's ever thrown up too, as in ILL thrown up. She's thrown up before, but that was when she got a hair in the back of her throat and tried to cough it out. Any other time and we could sort this out between us fine, but it's the fact it's happened on the morning before she's due to go on a long journey, as in car ride, flight and another car ride, all while being ILL. I just want what's best for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
TiredHippo · 15/08/2022 05:56

I don't think he's fully thought of all the implications. Like some of you have said, if it's a stomach bug, she's at risk of passing it on to others and himself too And the fact that his holiday may be spent looking after her and he won't really get to enjoy it. I thought I was being fair in saying that as awful as it is, as I would be really disappointed too, I don't mind having her so he can still go away and have a nice time with his GF and son. I'm not sure about booking another flight out, he could if he wanted to by all means, they're going for a week, and his GF could go with her son and they could fly out later, but I don't think he'd want to do that, as it wasn't him who booked to go away, and he's not one for faffing sorting things out, plus I think they'd saved up for this for a while, so it's about the cost too. I could always ask him if he's willing to do that.

OP posts:
HandScreen · 15/08/2022 05:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
TiredHippo · 15/08/2022 06:00

@HandScreen she is also my DD too, and I don't think it's unreasonable for me to be worried about her being ILL and going away. It's a bit rude for telling me to Butt Out, you could have said it more nicely, or just not at all.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 15/08/2022 06:03

YANBU
You can withdraw consent for him to take her abroad, can’t you? I know it’s a rubbish thing to do and sets a difficult precedent if you wish to take your dd abroad. But he’s not listening to reason.

PriOn1 · 15/08/2022 06:07

I wouldn’t send her and he is being incredibly selfish to want to take her when there is a perfectly reasonable alternative, in that she can stay safely at home with you.

It’s nice that he loves her and wants her with him enough to argue about it though.

stuntbubbles · 15/08/2022 06:08

If the flight is at 3 can you bring her to the airport a little later? Let her get some more sleep in, she might be fine – kids sometimes blast through illness in a couple of hours. If she’s not OK by 10, raincheck on the holiday.

As an aside, why keep capitalising ILL? It doesn’t make her more or less ill, it just comes across as dramatic and combative.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 15/08/2022 06:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

No it's not. OP is still the mother. And it happened when her child was with her.
OP I wouldn't send her. Sorry but the child's health comes first, what if it becomes worse out there?

Anewuser · 15/08/2022 06:18

How hot is she?

Puddlelane123 · 15/08/2022 06:18

I wouldn’t send her OP, both from an infection control point of view, and compassion for a little person who is obviously unwell and should be resting and recuperating rather than traipsing off for a long day of travel. The stress of being apart from you will also be magnified when she is unwell and I don’t think the impact of that should be underestimated.

With that said, my decision might be influenced by how young a toddler she is (14 months - still a baby in my books, 2 ish plus perhaps more able to cope) and how confident you are in your ex partner to put her needs first and not be pressured by the girlfriend / holiday atmosphere to drag her all over the place when ill.

JoanCandy · 15/08/2022 06:18

stuntbubbles · 15/08/2022 06:08

If the flight is at 3 can you bring her to the airport a little later? Let her get some more sleep in, she might be fine – kids sometimes blast through illness in a couple of hours. If she’s not OK by 10, raincheck on the holiday.

As an aside, why keep capitalising ILL? It doesn’t make her more or less ill, it just comes across as dramatic and combative.

I think this is a good compromise, if possible.

Otherwise, no, I would keep her at home as disappointing as it is all round.

Hope she's better soon x

Chdjdn · 15/08/2022 06:18

i do get that for you it feels horrible to send her off ill but I also get that he doesn’t want to not take her on holiday when it could easily be a 24 hour thing or even less.

Chdjdn · 15/08/2022 06:19

Sorry I realised I didn’t really end with anything helpful but I think it’s an over reaction not to let her go at all and you have another few hours to really make a decision together with your ex

waterrat · 15/08/2022 06:23

Surely this is not clear cut ? I would be absolutely gutted not to take a child with me on a long planned holiday...and kids fever can burn out within a few hours.

Children get much hotter with sickness than adults do and have higher temperature more frequently.

I do sympathise with you but having had 2 kids who are older I have seen them have this sort of sickness multiple times only to be bouncing back by the next day

I've also had a child seriously ill witj what started out as a temp so I'm not dismissknf it ...but it seems rather unfair on dad here to say he should just immediately abandon a holiday plan with no second thought. Presumably he is really looking forward to the trip and fairly high odds the child will ge better by tomorrow

rainbowstardrops · 15/08/2022 06:24

Oh what a shit situation! On one hand I'd say to definitely keep her with you in case she gets even worse but I also appreciate how disappointed her dad must be feeling.

Mind you, I don't suppose anyone on that flight would be too impressed if she's miserable with a temperature and potentially throwing up. I know I wouldn't!

How is she now? I'd call the dad with a current update on how she is.

ednatheevilwitch · 15/08/2022 06:41

This is so tricky but I have been in a situation with one dc who threw up about 3 hours before a flight home. Just vomited once (copiously) and then was right as rain. How is she now?

TheCutter · 15/08/2022 06:44

Ah this is tough. The day before we went on holiday in June, my toddler fell asleep on the sofa (never in his life had he ever done that) and so I checked his temp and it was 38.3. Gave him calpol. When his temp came down and he woke, he was absolutely fine and his temp never rose again 🤷🏼‍♀️
See how she's feeling as time goes on today but I do understand your hesitation taking her if she continues to have a temperature / continues to throw up.

Troublesometooth · 15/08/2022 06:50

I think it’s his judgement call to make whether you agree with it or not. You have every right to be worried, but not to dictate what he does with his time with her.

I sense some hostility between you by the way you introduced him as your ex boyfriend and not your daughters dad.

If he has parental responsibility and this is his scheduled contact time then as hard as it is I think you have to let him make the decision.

I would really struggle with my DD being ill and me not being there, so I understand how you feel. But I just don’t think you can refuse to send him if you want to maintain any sort of positive parenting relationship with him.

legalseagull · 15/08/2022 06:50

YABU. If this is the first time she's ever been sick it must be a shock to you, but kids do get sick and more often than not they're fine within 24 hours. I wouldn't cancel a holiday abroad for one vomit. There's 8 hours before the flight, she'll soon show if she's ok to travel.

Swipe left for the next trending thread