Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Send ILL toddler DD on holiday

304 replies

TiredHippo · 15/08/2022 04:29

Changed user name as don't want anyone knowing me from my other posts. My Ex BF is supposed to be taking my DD on holiday today, the flight is in the afternoon (3:00ish) but she's just woken up hot to the touch and thrown up, gave her Capol but threw it straight up. I phoned to let him know, and his attitude, to be honest, has angered me so much. I get from his tone, that he still wants to take her away with him. It's for a week away, and I'm not happy that he expects a toddler, who has just thrown up, with a temperature and is boiling hot to the touch to be able to get to the airport (1.5-2 hrs away, depending on traffic) to then go through the rigmarole of going through the airport, to then spend 4 hours on a flight. I said I didn't want her going through all that, but he said to.....stick a cold towel underneath her and see how she feels later. I get his frustration, I really do, as nobody wants their plans to change, especially when you've all been looking forward to go, but would IBU to insist I don't think she's well enough to go gievn the circumstances. Please be kind, I've got an ILL toddler at the moment.

OP posts:
Blossomandbee · 15/08/2022 08:20

I can see both sides here but your child has to come first and if she's not well then she's not well. I'm sure other passengers on the plane wouldn't want to sit near a vomiting child either and potentially catch something that will ruin their holiday.
It's rubbish timing and disappointing for your ex but just one of those things.

NCHammer2022 · 15/08/2022 08:22

He said to see how she feels later. Isn’t that what anyone would do? Toddlers can turn around fast, if she’s right as rain by 12pm are you still going to say she shouldn’t go? Obviously if she’s still ill by then I wouldn’t really want to send her but it’s a bit premature to call it at 6am, IMO so I can understand his seeming frustration.

Littleduck80 · 15/08/2022 08:25

I'd also love to know why you keep capitalising ILL and not just type ill?

KatherineofGaunt · 15/08/2022 08:26

I can totally see your point of view, as a mum you want your daughter to be okay and to look after them.

However, my 3yo DS was sick in the night last week, gave him calpol and he threw it up. Slept a bit and was a little sick again. I kept him off nursery but he was absolutely happy as larry for the rest of the day, ate really well, was fine. I was a bit annoyed (not at him, just the situation, as I'd changed plans to look after him).

You've probably decided by now anyway, but I'd see if she wanted anything to eat and could keep it down. And what her temp is now. Then I'd decide if I was sending her.

redskyatnight · 15/08/2022 08:27

To be fair, is this was my child, and I was the one going on holiday, I would keep her cool, see if she would keep Calpol down later and review my decision around lunch time.
Which sounds exactly like what her father has suggested.
As others have said her symptoms so far could be down to heat or dehydration.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 15/08/2022 08:27

He is her parent too. I would send her.

But why would you expect his girlfriend to look after her?

Festoonlights · 15/08/2022 08:27

Toddlers can also go downhill very quickly too. There is no way I would send her op.
Its risky and unfair on her. There will be other holidays. I wouldn’t want my poorly toddler put through such a long journey and be ill overseas without me.

LottaLuxa · 15/08/2022 08:28

One toddler vomit = a bit random, and they'll likely be bouncing around within a couple of hours. Two lots of toddler throwing up = probably a sickness bug. Nobody with a sickness bug should be getting on a plane and passing it on to dozens of other people!

Festoonlights · 15/08/2022 08:28

It could be covid. My dc started out exactly like this and a few days later tested positive.

gamerchick · 15/08/2022 08:30

Zippy1510 · 15/08/2022 08:02

Why is ill constantly capitilised like
its an acronym?

For dramatic effect?

It doesn't really sound as if you wanted her to go in the first place.

Cheeseandlobster · 15/08/2022 08:32

Make sure exdp has travel insurance if you do send her op

fruitstick · 15/08/2022 08:35

DS2 used to throw up all the time as a toddler when he was over tired, over stimulated or too hot. After a long nap he was usually then fine.

I would be tempted to let him take her, and offer to drive with them to the airport and bring her home again if she is too unwell to fly.

rainbowstardrops · 15/08/2022 08:35

I am honestly astounded at the amount of people here that think it's perfectly ok to send a child (or anyone for that matter) on a plane full of people after she's been sick at least twice already!

At school, you're supposed to keep your child off for 48 hrs AFTER they've stopped being sick to prevent spread.

I get sick and tired of children at school telling me they were sick in the night but adult at home told them they'll be fine and the teacher will send you home if you don't feel well! Then half the class and adults go down with it.
Bloody selfish.

BeautifulWar · 15/08/2022 08:35

Yep. But non unusual, as evidenced by all the thickos on this thread…

Unlike the 'thickos' that don't seem to grasp that a young child being 'hot to the touch' and sick under very hot conditions doesn't necessarily mean they have a bug, eh?

Festoonlights · 15/08/2022 08:36

It wouldn’t matter whether we are blended or nut anyone that has experienced a very poorly child at a foreign medical facility knows the fear and stress and worry. The complacency of pp is astounding on here.
There is no way we would go. In your ex’s position we would change the flights and see if she recovers in a few days. Or he can travel as planned and take her next year and claim in his insurance. Just call the gp they will provide a letter.

boredsolicitor · 15/08/2022 08:38

i don't understand why everyone who is saying she should stay at home thinks that this is a transmissible bug (And would infect the whole plane and ruin everyone's holiday) rather than just something she's eaten or heat related for example. If it were a transmissible bug that is going to infect everyone on the plane then presumably the OP would have it as well. That is not the case So I don't agree that it's a selfish act to take her on holiday.

MrsMitford3 · 15/08/2022 08:39

@TiredHippo Why do you keep capitalising ILL ???

Is it for dramatic effect/to indicate she is very ILL???

fruitstick · 15/08/2022 08:40

rainbowstardrops · 15/08/2022 08:35

I am honestly astounded at the amount of people here that think it's perfectly ok to send a child (or anyone for that matter) on a plane full of people after she's been sick at least twice already!

At school, you're supposed to keep your child off for 48 hrs AFTER they've stopped being sick to prevent spread.

I get sick and tired of children at school telling me they were sick in the night but adult at home told them they'll be fine and the teacher will send you home if you don't feel well! Then half the class and adults go down with it.
Bloody selfish.

It depends on the child. It's not always irresponsible and not every sickness is a bug.

Ds would be sick and I knew it was not a tummy bug - it's a completely different kind of vomit.

I had to pick him up at least twice in infant school for being sick, and after the second time the school agreed he did not have to stay off the 48 hours as even they could see it wasn't a bug.

Now he's a teenager he gets abdominal migraines from time to time. Same symptoms.

Jellicoe · 15/08/2022 08:40

Seriously? Why would he or anyone want to be looking after an ill toddler on hol. OP you have been a saint to let him know. You’ll prob end up letting your child go anyway but my god it will be an eye opener to him and he will curse the day he didn’t take your advice! Hope your kid gets better soon xx

Plummer88 · 15/08/2022 08:42

This reads to me like you just don’t want him to take her abroad. I’m sure she will be fine and love the adventure and having time with daddy.

Minniem2020 · 15/08/2022 08:43

All the people here saying just take her, the op is overreacting,it's not her decision, and other such nonsense would be the same ones kicking off about a poorly child on a plane possibly infecting them.

Badgirlriri · 15/08/2022 08:44

stillvicarinatutu · 15/08/2022 07:54

Don't send her .

My son started with "just a bug"
Turned out to be meningitis.

Ffs. Well that’s a rare occurrence. Most bugs are just that… bugs.

Badgirlriri · 15/08/2022 08:44

Did you want her to go in the first place?
just seems a little convenient she’s suddenly come down ill and you want to cancel immediately.

RampantIvy · 15/08/2022 08:45

Plummer88 · 15/08/2022 08:42

This reads to me like you just don’t want him to take her abroad. I’m sure she will be fine and love the adventure and having time with daddy.

I hope you aren't serious. This reads to me that the OP is worried about her daughter being ill. Have you never worried about an ill child?

Scepticalwotsits · 15/08/2022 08:46

First off if DD is feverish then she shouldn’t go however Let’s try and view it from the other foot,

if you were taking your child abroad and your expartner called on the day of the flight you would be annoyed. Also if the tickets they got were brought as a package they may not be able to remove just the child without cancelling everything and either paying significantly more or all of them having to cancel.

so my view will be that it’s his call to make