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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Send ILL toddler DD on holiday

304 replies

TiredHippo · 15/08/2022 04:29

Changed user name as don't want anyone knowing me from my other posts. My Ex BF is supposed to be taking my DD on holiday today, the flight is in the afternoon (3:00ish) but she's just woken up hot to the touch and thrown up, gave her Capol but threw it straight up. I phoned to let him know, and his attitude, to be honest, has angered me so much. I get from his tone, that he still wants to take her away with him. It's for a week away, and I'm not happy that he expects a toddler, who has just thrown up, with a temperature and is boiling hot to the touch to be able to get to the airport (1.5-2 hrs away, depending on traffic) to then go through the rigmarole of going through the airport, to then spend 4 hours on a flight. I said I didn't want her going through all that, but he said to.....stick a cold towel underneath her and see how she feels later. I get his frustration, I really do, as nobody wants their plans to change, especially when you've all been looking forward to go, but would IBU to insist I don't think she's well enough to go gievn the circumstances. Please be kind, I've got an ILL toddler at the moment.

OP posts:
AnnieDav · 15/08/2022 06:52

he may not want to ruin his holiday but if he takes a vomiting child on a plane he’ll potentially ruin many other peoples if they catch it.

YANBU.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 15/08/2022 06:53

If you weren't a blended family what would you do in this situation? You've worked and saved all year and the child has been excited to go and you've been looking forward to some quality family time.

autienotnaughty · 15/08/2022 06:58

If it was me I'd be doing everything I could to get dc feeling better (meds,cooling, rest etc) they often snap out of these things quickly and would be a shame for her to miss it. Are you unhappy anout her going in the first place? Can you honestly say if it was your holiday abroad that you worked hard and paid for you just wouldn't go? Or rest of family go and u n dd stay home?

BeautifulWar · 15/08/2022 07:00

What would you honesty do if this were your holiday with DD? Would you wait a while and see or immediately cancel?

I completely understand your reservations, and personally at this stage it'd be 50/50 for me at this stage.

IME children can get a temperature and then be fine. My DC was also quick often sick as an initial response and then fine.

It might well be that your DD is unwell and not able to go away, but your reluctance to say her actual temperature and all this ILL business every other sentence does make me wonder whether you just don't want her to go really, and this is a happy coincidence.

Fuuuuuckit · 15/08/2022 07:01

She's got a temperature - on one of the hottest, stickies nights of the year.

She vomited, once.

OP, without any background at all, or indication of how high her temp is, I think you're over-reacting somewhat.

If she had a busy day yesterday she could have had a bit too much excitement, add to that giddiness about going on a plane with daddy later, and I think it could all be linked.

Without a genuine reason (medical cert for too ill to fly) he won't be able to get a refund on her ticket. At best you're looking at paying him back. At worst I think you could be facing a costly and sour legal case - I get you're concerned about her but he is her parent too and you give no other reason to believe that he wouldn't have her best interests at heart, and be able to decide for himself if she really is too ill to fly.

One episode of vomiting would not make me cancel my holiday.

RockAndRollerskate · 15/08/2022 07:01

Lots of factors here - how old is she? How hot is she? Was it a one off vomit?

KvotheTheBloodless · 15/08/2022 07:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WTF?! This is HER child too! Of course she has a say!

BackT · 15/08/2022 07:13

I understand that you are panicking but you need to give more info for a rational opinion.

Toddlers are prone to random temp spikes and vomiting - it's been exceptionally hot too. She could be fine in the morning or very quickly and then she's missed the holiday.

So we need the answers -

How old is she?
How high was the temp?
How is she now...

RampantIvy · 15/08/2022 07:14

How is your DD this morning @TiredHippo?

I'm shocked at the replies here TBH.

If she is ill of course she can't go on holiday Hmm. I would be demented with worry to be separated from my child under the circumstances. And it isn't fair on the rest of the holiday party or fellow passengers to inflict a potentially infectious child on them.

The ex is an idiot.

Timeforanewnamenow · 15/08/2022 07:14

See how she is whenever she wakes up. Don’t wake her up at 8.30 if she’s not up yet, just make sure all her bits are ready so you can take her if she’s fine when she does wake up. Horrid situation. I wouldn’t want to let her go if she were sick either. I think I’d keep her home tbh….

Denny53 · 15/08/2022 07:15

One thing to consider. What if she vomits in front of staff at the airport and they won’t let her fly? Are you then able to get to the airport to pick her up, so dad can continue his holiday?

Granforjam · 15/08/2022 07:16

You're completely overreacting here and I probably would have reacted a lot worse than your ex to your attitude of immidiately trying to cancel! Children get high temperatures which make them vomit and then bounce back to normal within hours. Also travelling will not make her worse.

Send her off to Dad with Calpol. He should then decide whether to go or leave her with you.

If it was you going on holiday, I bet you would definitely go. Probably she'll be fine tomorrow/day after and can enjoy the rest of the holiday.

If she is vomiting continuously/has diarrhoea, then get a GP to advice not to travel asap so her dad can get the money back through insurance. Vomiting once likely is just because of the fever or heat wave (since by the sounds of it you haven't measured her with a thermometer so you can't be 100% sure she has a fever) rather than a bug and would stop when temp comes down with Calpol.

HandScreen · 15/08/2022 07:17

The OP doesn't get the veto vote just because she is the mum. Let the dad make the judgement call in this instance, on his family holiday.

Why on earth is the OP "worried" - how is this going to harm her child? Seems vindictive.

TheBikiniExpert · 15/08/2022 07:20

HandScreen · 15/08/2022 07:17

The OP doesn't get the veto vote just because she is the mum. Let the dad make the judgement call in this instance, on his family holiday.

Why on earth is the OP "worried" - how is this going to harm her child? Seems vindictive.

Don't be ridiculous. Mothers don't stop caring about their kids because they are staying elsewhere.

Bemyclementine · 15/08/2022 07:27

It's impossible to kniw how she will be. It could be that the worst is over, or she coukd be ill for days.

What is her temp? Give her a drink if water and some calpol, she'll be sick again before 8.30 if it's going to carry on ,(ime)

Capri3 · 15/08/2022 07:30

Denny53 · 15/08/2022 07:15

One thing to consider. What if she vomits in front of staff at the airport and they won’t let her fly? Are you then able to get to the airport to pick her up, so dad can continue his holiday?

This. We saw a family removed from the boarding queue and returned to the terminal building when their dc vomited once whilst waiting. This was about 4 years ago so not a covid precaution.

RampantIvy · 15/08/2022 07:35

You're completely overreacting here

If course she bloody isn't Hmm
I simply don't understand how some parents on here can be so detached about their children's welfare.

Quia · 15/08/2022 07:40

HandScreen · 15/08/2022 07:17

The OP doesn't get the veto vote just because she is the mum. Let the dad make the judgement call in this instance, on his family holiday.

Why on earth is the OP "worried" - how is this going to harm her child? Seems vindictive.

How hard is it to work out how it could potentially harm an ill child to be taken on a long flight to another country?

Quia · 15/08/2022 07:41

Suggest to your ex that he checks his insurance policy. I suspect he won't be covered for healthcare costs for your child if she's ill before even getting to the airport.

boredsolicitor · 15/08/2022 07:43

most of these things pass quickly - she might have a crappy day today and tomorrow but then have the best time with her dad for the rest of the hols . i'd let her go.he can spend the first few days in the hotel room with her if needs be - ie doing the same as if she was home with you but then enjoy the rest of the time together

lot123 · 15/08/2022 07:46

Sorry but I'm with her dad, I'd be trying to do everything I could to take her on the holiday.

Kids can bounce back quickly and if they can get through the flight, there's time for her to recuperate. Holidays are expensive and hard to reschedule.

Midlifemusings · 15/08/2022 07:46

It is hard with young kids. They can bounce back in hours and be 100% fine or be sick for days.

I don't know that I would cancel a vacation for the family if one person woke up unwell just hours before the flight, given it could easily pass. I would probably rather have a sick kid in a hotel on vacation then ruin the vacation.

Is this his time? If so, it is really his call. He can't dictate your time and whether or not she goes on vacation with you during your time and you can't really do the same to him. Your can voice your opinion but he gets to decide if he wants a sick child with him and his family on vacation.

Smithstreet · 15/08/2022 07:48

One of my DC gets sick from the heat, we try everything but in these temps is impossible to get away from it. Yesterday they were sick once, then this morning after a sleep all fine, they are going for their day out with a friend (who I have told and is fine). Could it be the heat and dehydration and now all fine? I hope they feel better soon.

RampantIvy · 15/08/2022 07:53

Are you the dad @HandScreen?

You seem completely lacking in empathy. Have you never worried if your child is ill?

@TiredHippo how is your DD this morning?

stillvicarinatutu · 15/08/2022 07:54

Don't send her .

My son started with "just a bug"
Turned out to be meningitis.

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