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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Send ILL toddler DD on holiday

304 replies

TiredHippo · 15/08/2022 04:29

Changed user name as don't want anyone knowing me from my other posts. My Ex BF is supposed to be taking my DD on holiday today, the flight is in the afternoon (3:00ish) but she's just woken up hot to the touch and thrown up, gave her Capol but threw it straight up. I phoned to let him know, and his attitude, to be honest, has angered me so much. I get from his tone, that he still wants to take her away with him. It's for a week away, and I'm not happy that he expects a toddler, who has just thrown up, with a temperature and is boiling hot to the touch to be able to get to the airport (1.5-2 hrs away, depending on traffic) to then go through the rigmarole of going through the airport, to then spend 4 hours on a flight. I said I didn't want her going through all that, but he said to.....stick a cold towel underneath her and see how she feels later. I get his frustration, I really do, as nobody wants their plans to change, especially when you've all been looking forward to go, but would IBU to insist I don't think she's well enough to go gievn the circumstances. Please be kind, I've got an ILL toddler at the moment.

OP posts:
Bumblefuzz · 17/08/2022 11:45

Blabla81 · 15/08/2022 12:46

Whenever my 2 have had “transmissible” vomiting bugs, I have never caught them.

Show quote history

Just because you didn't catch them, doesn't mean that others wouldn't. Some people are immune to things that others aren't. When my DD was younger, I narrowly escaped being on a drip in hospital a couple of times due to '24 hour ' bugs. They lasted a couple of weeks for me, due to a medical condition as was exasperated by the fact that I couldn't keep my medication down. You don't know who else is on the flight who could become seriously ill.

Londonactive · 17/08/2022 11:46

Not sure what the OP decided, just wanted to add that viral infections can make ears more painful and more likely to be persistently blocked due to difficulty equalising pressure. I would definitely not want to risk this so it's something to consider.

Hope everything works out ❤️

Endlesslypatient82 · 17/08/2022 12:01

Hold old is your child op?

Banana2079 · 17/08/2022 12:12

I’d let him take her and he deals with the fallout
it’s a holiday Abroad and she may feel better later on
my daughter frequently gets unwell for an hour or two throws up temperature ect then is fine later lol

SoupDragon · 17/08/2022 12:25

Banana2079 · 17/08/2022 12:12

I’d let him take her and he deals with the fallout
it’s a holiday Abroad and she may feel better later on
my daughter frequently gets unwell for an hour or two throws up temperature ect then is fine later lol

What about the fallout for the other people who come into contact with her?

would you want to be on a plane with/next to a vomiting toddler?

so selfish!

ChickenBurgers · 17/08/2022 12:26

I absolutely wouldn’t. It’s not fair on your daughter, it’ll ruin the first few days of the holiday for all of them, I’d worry endlessly as mum at home not being able to be there for her and it’s not fair to all the other passengers she’d be sharing her bug with. I know it’s after the fact now, but I hope you managed to reason with him!

ChickenBurgers · 17/08/2022 12:27

And my middle child DS2 almost ended up on a drip with the last stomach bug he had and it lasted 5 days. He doesn’t have any underlying conditions that we’re aware of and he was incredibly unwell with it.

Blabla81 · 17/08/2022 12:36

Bumblefuzz · 17/08/2022 11:45

Just because you didn't catch them, doesn't mean that others wouldn't. Some people are immune to things that others aren't. When my DD was younger, I narrowly escaped being on a drip in hospital a couple of times due to '24 hour ' bugs. They lasted a couple of weeks for me, due to a medical condition as was exasperated by the fact that I couldn't keep my medication down. You don't know who else is on the flight who could become seriously ill.

Show quote history

I think you’ve misunderstood what I meant. I was responding to another poster who said that there’s no way the child in the original OP can have a transmissible bug as the OP hadn’t caught it. I was making the same point as you, basically, but thanks for jumping on me, in true MN style.

Remaker · 17/08/2022 13:27

The replies on this thread are quite mind boggling. It also explains why so many bugs rage through the community when it is apparently completely normal to drag your child out and about when they’re sick because god forbid an adult should miss out on a holiday ‘they’ve looked forward to’. Except of course the dad didn’t have to miss out because OP offered to look after their child. Only MN could have seen this as a malicious act.

We had a long weekend away cancelled at the last minute recently because my son woke up vomiting at 5am. Flight was at 8.30 so we cancelled after one vomit. According to MN a ridiculous overreaction because he would have probably bounced back in a few hours. When I got him to the doctor he had a double ear infection - GP said the flight would have likely burst both his eardrums. He was sick for a week. Hotel was non refundable and we had tickets to a one night only show. But that’s parenting for you, and in hindsight the right choice because it would have been disastrous to fly with a severe ear infection, we would have been stuck there until he was well enough to come home.

Cakeorchocolate · 17/08/2022 14:07

Came to this 2 days later (thanks fb) but I hope you didn't send her.

The timing sucks but the last place anyone needs to be when they're ill is abroad. If, in the unlikely event, it turned serious, I'd want to be home, where the docs and nurses speak the language and there are no communication barriers or travel insurance issues to deal with. Amongst just wanting to be home with whichever parent she is able to be with.

I hope your dd is better by now.

What did you end up doing @TiredHippo ?

Sorry if it's already answered. I didn't see it in any updates.

Flutterbybudget · 17/08/2022 14:15

I hope everything got sorted out OP

Lovemusic33 · 17/08/2022 14:58

Mumofsend · 15/08/2022 07:56

Ignoring the poorly child or the father... I think I can speak for everyone who would be rather fucked off at a pukey ill child on a plane with them to potentional ruin several hundred people's holidays.

This is what insurance is for.

This.
If it’s a big she could make a while of people sick. It. It makes sense to leave her behind, if she’s still unwell when they get there it’s going to make everyone’s holiday miserable and then chances are everyone else will get it too.

Userno3638927472 · 17/08/2022 15:29

YANBU. Like you say we can understand his frustration but if she's ill, she could spread it to other people on the plane, hotel etc and her dad and family and it would also ruin their holiday if they got sick during so it sounds like you're doing the right thing op! Many people would have still send their kid, but you sound sensible.

nobird · 17/08/2022 15:38

Sorry, I haven’t RTFT but I would be wary about sending my sick toddler. I could foresee all kinds of problems - miserable child, miserable experience for dad and his partner and her child, possibly miserable for others on the plane if there is vomiting etc. Also - chances are it’s just one of those bugs that’s over in a day but what if it’s Covid? That would screw the holiday abroad, surely?

It’s a rubbish situation - I think if it was me I would be monitoring things right up to the last possible moment before making a decision about it.

madasawethen · 17/08/2022 15:52

Are airports still taking people's temperature?

I wouldn't take a sick kid on a holiday. Some people act like children aren't human and have feelings.

Muddypigeon · 17/08/2022 16:13

Op why do you insist on writing ILL every time instead of ill. We get that she’s ill..

SoupDragon · 17/08/2022 16:18

Muddypigeon · 17/08/2022 16:13

Op why do you insist on writing ILL every time instead of ill. We get that she’s ill..

If you could be arsed to read her posts you would know.

Muddypigeon · 17/08/2022 16:22

SoupDragon · 17/08/2022 16:18

If you could be arsed to read her posts you would know.

Show quote history

I couldn’t as I got too annoyed with the ILL thing. 😂 Sorry.

GorgonzolaSouffle · 17/08/2022 16:26

@Muddypigeon read the thread. She explained it 🙄🙄

sassyclassyandsmartassy · 17/08/2022 18:24

As the step mum of a blended family I am totally shocked by some of the bloody archaic views on here. Mum and dad should work things out together, it should not be a unilateral decision by own or the other and I think that requires a FaceTime/phone call rather than texts. IMHE texts can come across in ways they totally weren’t meant as there is no inflection, whereas speaking to each other and him potentially seeing his child via FaceTime May make all the difference.

We have just come back from a holiday with SS10 for the very first time, he did very well for his first time away from mum and step-siblings overall, but we had a little wobble early on (can’t help but feel that if things had been more 50/50 earlier, they split when he was 6 months, it wouldn’t be like that for him now, but hey, got to roll with the punches and things are a lot easier these days!).

Anyway, the point of my post is this. If SS was ill on the day of holiday travel my DH would want to see him on screen, speak to him about how he’s feeling, speak to mum about her thoughts (one off throw up or more symptoms, etc.) and monitor. If it appeared it was a one off thing (heat, excitement, etc.) we’d want to take him (believe it or not many fathers are capable given the opportunity to be fathers and many step parents love their step kids and treat them like their own without overstepping the mark), but if it was a full blown illness we wouldn’t as it wouldn’t be fair to him and then we would need to speak to mum about whether she could keep them or we would need to cancel whole holiday to provide care.

Ultimately though we need to give up this stupid idea that men can’t parent and should not have a child in their care if the child is ill. A child has one mother and one father and, where they are loved and cared about by both and there are no issues with either parent in terms of abuse, substance abuse, etc. then those 2 parents should parent together because that is what is needed by a child to grow up healthy and happy themselves.

IrishladyNE · 17/08/2022 18:57

I had to send my child to her dads just around the corner last week when she had a sickness bug and I felt awful for that but couldn’t get off work.

she was really poorly, I am sure dads are capable but I would have not Have allowed her to go abroad. The bugs that are going around seem to last longer and seem more brutal this year since mask etc went in February.

Whiskeypowers · 17/08/2022 19:42

sassyclassyandsmartassy · 17/08/2022 18:24

As the step mum of a blended family I am totally shocked by some of the bloody archaic views on here. Mum and dad should work things out together, it should not be a unilateral decision by own or the other and I think that requires a FaceTime/phone call rather than texts. IMHE texts can come across in ways they totally weren’t meant as there is no inflection, whereas speaking to each other and him potentially seeing his child via FaceTime May make all the difference.

We have just come back from a holiday with SS10 for the very first time, he did very well for his first time away from mum and step-siblings overall, but we had a little wobble early on (can’t help but feel that if things had been more 50/50 earlier, they split when he was 6 months, it wouldn’t be like that for him now, but hey, got to roll with the punches and things are a lot easier these days!).

Anyway, the point of my post is this. If SS was ill on the day of holiday travel my DH would want to see him on screen, speak to him about how he’s feeling, speak to mum about her thoughts (one off throw up or more symptoms, etc.) and monitor. If it appeared it was a one off thing (heat, excitement, etc.) we’d want to take him (believe it or not many fathers are capable given the opportunity to be fathers and many step parents love their step kids and treat them like their own without overstepping the mark), but if it was a full blown illness we wouldn’t as it wouldn’t be fair to him and then we would need to speak to mum about whether she could keep them or we would need to cancel whole holiday to provide care.

Ultimately though we need to give up this stupid idea that men can’t parent and should not have a child in their care if the child is ill. A child has one mother and one father and, where they are loved and cared about by both and there are no issues with either parent in terms of abuse, substance abuse, etc. then those 2 parents should parent together because that is what is needed by a child to grow up healthy and happy themselves.

You would have no idea whether it would be a bug or nothing at that point

feel like your post is trying to turn the OP into someone she isn’t and to imbue the co parenting relationship with dynamics it doesn’t have

Madmama10 · 17/08/2022 21:59

Question. Would you cancel your holiday and stay home if your daughter was this ill? If so yanbu if you would take her anyway yabu be honest and think of the cost and how ill your child is and how quickly they will re over.

Sux2buthen · 17/08/2022 22:07

The holiday travel would have finished by now, I'm guessing the child went with her dad and that OP would rather not get a pile on for it so won't be back.
If so I hope you're having a nice relax OPGrinWine

lot123 · 17/08/2022 23:07

Sux2buthen · 17/08/2022 22:07

The holiday travel would have finished by now, I'm guessing the child went with her dad and that OP would rather not get a pile on for it so won't be back.
If so I hope you're having a nice relax OPGrinWine

I completely agree. And in her shoes, I'd have left it to the dad to make the final decision.