Husband had a private lapdance

[Skye90]

On a stag do. Says he was so drunk he hardly remembers it. He wasn’t the only one but all the others are single.

Not sure how I feel about it tbh.

AIBU

It's gross.

All these comments that its 'just a bit of fun', 'it's tradition' are vile.

I don't know why a man would want one either, I feel some of the comments on these threads have been awful to men too, saying things along the lines of "those who say you are not okay with it, your partners will still be getting them just not telling you".

No. They. Won't. Believe it or not, some men are capable of being fully committed, not lying and capable of feeling extremely uncomfortable about the prospect of being intimate with someone other than the woman they love!

My partner went on a 'lads holiday' to Budapest. The group was 50/50 single and in a relationship, the single ones went to a strip club, the ones in a relationship went to McDonald's. And I know this to be true, it's not me being nieve.

I get relationship dynamics between people are different. I've been with my partner 9 years (I'm 29). If he was to have a lap dance, I would see that as tarnishing the 9 years of commitment and loyalty we have had to each other, and that feeling to me is the same as feeling cheated on. My partner would feel exactly the same so it's just a mutual respect and understanding that we won't put each other or ourselves through it.

Having a lap dance involves getting sexual gratification from another woman, likely having an erection while someone rubs their body against it and waves their naked boobs in their face. The thought of my partner enjoying another woman this way makes me sick.

And there's no double standard. I've told female friends I'm not comfortable with male strippers when I've gone on their hen.

Nope, he'd be straight out on his arse. He could use any excuse he wanted but he wouldn't pull the wool over my eyes.

also lap dancing is an art form. Bit grim that many of you see it as a sexual service.

Art form😂Not sexual 😂Yeah right.

Agree with this, my bf went to a strip club once before I met him, as one of his friends goes to them (gross), he sat at the bar with a drink and a girl came up to him asking if he wanted a lap dance, he said no thanks, and the girl sat next to him and they just had a chat for half an hour about life, he found out she was at uni and had a kid, they spoke about her aspirations etc etc he treated her like a human being and not an object and I'm sure that is why she felt comfortable to sit and chat to him. I've told some of my friends this story and they tell me I'm naive to believe it and that he's obviously lying, because they think all men are pigs, I think it's sad that they have that view of men!

On a stag do, you can just hear the blokes saying, fancy going to see a bit of tit art ?😅

Yes art form seems a bit of a stretch

I remember watching a documentary about strippers and the ladies were saying that they often try to get the man to ejaculate in his pants by grinding on them so that they can finish their dance early and get it over with.

I'd be relaxed about it tbh. My ex (long term relationship) had one but equally I went to a hen do and we had a male stripper who was....well. I still wriggle when I think about it!

I don't class it as cheating.

On a stag do, you can just hear the blokes saying, fancy going to see a bit of tit art ?😅

Definitely. Seriously- I can imagine a lapdancer wanting to convince herself it was an art form, but believing any man would view it as such, rather than a 'sexual service' would be laughable!

Daily Mail has picked this up
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-11112907/Woman-told-LEAVE-husband-lap-dance-stag-do.html

One of the comments on daily mail

"I'm sure the man regretted that lap dance dearly because no lap dance is worth the endless nagging he was subjected to afterwards"

oh yes, because it's the woman's problem for being upset and not the man's for engaging in a creepy perverted act.

See it's on the daily Mail, obviously loads of she's jealous comments, boys will be boys comments, because that's typical DM Neanderthal readers.

But great to see the up voting is all for the people saying how tacky and low class it is!

Noticing “cool wife” is a nice easy way for women to judge other women that are more easy going about sexual things.

Honestly sick of it.

No it's not. That's a rather flattering interpretation. Its actually much more damning than that. Its the term used to describe women who think they need to go along with anything a man wants in order to keep his approval. I wouldn't like to be called it either.

👏

It wouldn’t be a dealbreaker, but I think that I would think the whole thing was seedy.
I would lose a bit of respect for him tbh

I am not a cool wife because if my husband snogged a free, not abused or trafficked woman, I wouldn't do anything drastic as a one off if he was wasted like Pete on Outnumbered. If he chose to go to a place where women have no choice, it would be an issue to me because he is a decent human and as such, would have to live with what he did, never mind me. There is a massive difference.

I personally would find this a deal-breaker

I understand AIBU is a place for debate but I think we all need to remember everyone has different boundaries and deal-breakers

At the end of the day it comes down to what the individual is comfortable is.

There is always a lot of controversy on topics like this, or watching porn, or being in open - relationships.

I have friends who class strippers as deal-breakers, some who class them as so so and some who say it’s fine and doesn’t bother them

As long as you have a chat in your couple and are both agree then that’s all that matters

of course its fun. after 9 years i would expect your relationship has moved on to more comfortable level. this would bring excitement back in I imagine

That comment makes me think you are not for real @oiltrader

Oh please. Sorry but what a load of moralistic bollocks.

Well I would have to question why anybody would reveal such personal information on a site full of strangers. We could all say we have been in the sex industry!

Recently married and my now husband went to the strippers and i did not bat an eyelid. I actually had a laugh with him about it and the funny stories of the other stags while there. If you went to an event with say butlers in the buff or something similar or a hen where the bridesmaid hatred a stripper would you leave ?

Yeah right oh!!

Bring the excitement back ..... lol!

What's the next step after that in another nine years time, time with a prostitute?

Most people might have a romantic weekend away and not "employ" a sex worker to "bring back the excitement".

I doubt I'd leave but I wouldn't touch the man or allow him to touch me in any remotely sexual way.

My friend recently went to a hen with a 'butler in the buff', they butlers hosted silly games, did fancy tricks with the drinks they poured and did ridiculous dances to songs like 'sex bomb', and got the bride to attempt to do the dirty dancing lift. It was seen as a joke and everyone was cackling away the whole time.

A private lap dance is a naked woman grinding against an aroused man, actively trying to turn him on and to give him sexual pleasure.

I'm still not into the whole male stripper, butler in the buff thing. I wouldn't do it, but it's not the same as a private lap dance.

it is the entertainment industry. how dare you drag it down to suit your needs