AIBU - my DM and sweets

[Widily]

Caveat - she’s been staying with us for 3 weeks and we can have a rather strained relationship so I MBU and not her.

She has a weird thing with food where she refuses to share with anyone - fine. But she will literally sit in the living room and eat bags of sweets and chocolate bars in front of the children and will not give even one to them. They are kind of used to it now but tonight we’d all gone out for dinner, came home, kids are washed and ready for bed, teeth brushed and she sits down and opens a big share bag of sweets and proceeds to pop one in her mouth every ten seconds.

Youngest starts complaining - told clearly “no these are nannies”. Silence in the living room except for the crunching of bloody sweets every 10 seconds 😡

@PollyRockets
I'm with you on this one.....
Children need to learn that they can't have everything they want . That's life!

I wouldn't want my kids to go off to university having been brought up to think it's fine to sit chomping their way through bags of sweets without offering to others in the room. The other students would rightly think they were rude and odd.

Not just friends, family, and guests now. I should also share my sweets with random other students that the university has made me live with who I don't even know. It's not like they can't go and buy their own sweets, why are these randoms entitled to mine?

I honestly don't understand why some pale here think that the 'rules' are complicated and illogical. There's just one rule.

If you're in someone's home or have visitors to your own, it's in between meals and you're about to eat a snack or a treat of your own, you ask those present if they'd like some of it.

She doesn’t have to share but it’s mean to eat it in front of them. Reminds me of this:

Chicken bhuna
Prawn bhuna
Lamb bhuna
Mushroom rice
Keema naan bread
Nine poppadoms
Chips
Saag aloo

😆

But that's not 'the' rule

These are her sweets

If I want to share something I buy things to share, a large box of individually wrapped chocolates, multi packs of crisps, a large bag of popcorn.

She didn't buy these to share

Take the lady with the sweets out of it, it's incredibly rude to ask someone for a bit of their food, worse then to moan about being told no.

Even if the DM is 'rude' here (which I disagree with) the kids are far worse.

Shall I add another one into the mix for those being obtuse. When DC went to cub camp they were asked to bring cakes which could be shared with the rest of the troop. His best friend was allergic to dairy so DS always took dairy free cakes so his best friend had a choice of cakes not just the ones he bought (always went through the ingredients with mum)

Another one for the non sharers, if are married did you have a wedding cake? Do you have birthday parties for your DC and hand out some of your DC’s birthday cake to their little friends?

So they were treats purchased for the purpose of sharing

Why would that be an issue for those who don't share their personal treats with others?

Completely agree. It's not difficult. If you do want to keep something to yourself, don't eat it in front of everyone else (especially children who are just going off to bed!).

I don't think a whole cake is comparable to share bags of sweets. Share bags of sweets are easily done in one snack imo, they go down easily. A whole wedding cake or a whole birthday cake for kids? Not so much

Of course if you take fairy cakes in TO SHARE specifically then you share. But if I took 3 fairy cakes in my packed lunch, I wouldn't expect to share them as that's not why I took them.

Maybe she should start eating a big ice-cream at night instead, don't share that. I won't even share ice cream cones with my DH. Presumably she wouldn't be expected to share her ice cream.

Someone on here posted her kid asks for licks of other peoples ice cream

So who knows!

@Goldbar

Do you honestly eat in secret if you have something just for you?

How sad to live like that

What sort of a grandma doesn't want to share sweets with her grandchildren? Weird, greedy pig.

I'd tell her to stop eating the sweets infront of the grandkids as it's unfair if they "aren't allowed" any, and doesn't set a good example on sharing. I thought you were going to say she keeps giving them sweets (which my DM does) and I was going to say, might have to just let it go as annoying as it is sometimes, that is just a common GP trait and the kids love their constant stream of "naughty treats" that Granny gives them that I have to turn a blind eye to. I remember my grandparents doing the same and it was such a happy memory.
Maybe she feels like you don't want them having sweets? I think you need to make it clear to her, she either shares, or doesn't eat them infront of the kids.

I don't eat it in front of small children who I know would quite like some and aren't allowed any, no. That's just inconsiderate.

@Goldbar

You said don't eat it in front of everyone else

So would you take yourself off to a little corner of your home to sneakily eat a bag of sweets?

All because you haven't taught your children the word no, or that they aren't entitled to other peoples food.

@PollyRockets . What I have taught my DC is that treats are fine in moderation and as an occasional thing, not an everyday occurrence. So I would be very unimpressed by a family member scoffing large amounts of sweets in front of them on an everyday basis, as it completely undermines the message of eating a balanced diet which I'm trying to give them. And I'd prefer not to have that in my house, tbh.

Of course, the logical thing to do as an adult if someone is eating something you want is to go and buy your own. But children can't do this. They get what they're given. And the reason for this is because parents have to make good decisions for their children when it comes to diet. And part of that is modelling a healthy diet yourself to them. Hence why I don't eat large quantities of sweets in front of my DC, but expect them to be happy with sliced apple.

For those who are confused, surely you read the room. Eating a big bag of sweets in front of young grandchildren without offering at least one is mean. If said grandchildren are ready for bed and teeth brushed you wait to start scoffing your sweets until they have gone to bed or offer them out earlier.

If you don’t want to share those particular sweets you bring something for the children.

Nobody has to share treats.

Children shouldn’t think it’s ok to demand other people’s food.

But it’s a bit crass to take advantage of someone’s hospitality for several weeks, eat their food, and sit and scoff treats in front of them without offering a single one, or at least waiting until the children are in bed. There are ways to be a considerate guest .

@Goldbar and people say I'm the mean one

Happy with a bit of sliced apple

Christ

Of course you don't have to. It's unusual not to want to though, especially with kids.

I'm actually baffled by this comment and I'm beginning to think I've entered a parallel universe... I think you'll find that most parents of young children don't give out share bags, ice creams and large packets of sweets on a daily basis.

This does seem pretty unusual to me for a grandparent to do and I can't imagine my own nan to do this or my mum with her grandkids, I find it quite sad. I guess you only have 2 options-ask her to wait until they have gone to bed to eat them or provide the kids with their own treats. I have lovely memories of going to my nans some of them involving food. We each had our own little tub which she kept topped up with midget gems - we loved that! And if I stayed over and came down in the night my nan would be up eating ritz crackers (she was insomniac I think!) she would go and get me a glass of milk and I'd have that with some of her crackers! When the grandkids are at my parents they will sometimes have a movie night and they have sweets and snacks out in sharing bowls. I cannot imagine my mum sitting there eating a bag of sweets in front of the kids but everyone is different I guess

Equally, it's rude not to offer a huge bag of sweets around the room.

Yeah my THREE year old and her friends share their ice creams. Both ways. Big deal. Jesus this thread is insane.