AIBU - my DM and sweets

[Widily]

Caveat - she’s been staying with us for 3 weeks and we can have a rather strained relationship so I MBU and not her.

She has a weird thing with food where she refuses to share with anyone - fine. But she will literally sit in the living room and eat bags of sweets and chocolate bars in front of the children and will not give even one to them. They are kind of used to it now but tonight we’d all gone out for dinner, came home, kids are washed and ready for bed, teeth brushed and she sits down and opens a big share bag of sweets and proceeds to pop one in her mouth every ten seconds.

Youngest starts complaining - told clearly “no these are nannies”. Silence in the living room except for the crunching of bloody sweets every 10 seconds 😡

I don’t get it either. It seems sharing is weird unless in the following situation whereby is you don’t share it’s RUDE and you have kids worth putting:

• At someone’s house, or your house
• Something that says ‘share’ on it. The packet MUST be obeyed.
• If there are small children present
• If it’s confectionary - presumably if you pulled out a Greggs sausage roll it would be odd to offer it round

But any other circumstance it’s apparently off to share.

Maybe the fact it’s been going on for 3 weeks, you’d think the OP would have supplies sorted by now

Because nan doesn't share. If you want your kids to have treats, get them treats. Don't sit and bitch about your mother not sharing hers.

😂😂😂😂

Yoir poor dogs - why didn’t he offer them a crisp?! I bet he has no friends now. Just him, alone in his room with only a pack of sharing size Walkers for company

Give the kids their own sweets when nanny comes round for after their dinner. These are your sweets, nanny may have hers later. Nanny doesn’t share her sweets.
OR
Nanny has a rare skin condition that means she can’t share anything she’s eating.
OR
Nannys sweets look the same as normal ones but they are made with special ingredients that only nanny can have.
😁

Yes, but if the share rule were consistent then the vegan family should bring enough to share round right? Because nonvegans can eat vegan food. But apparently, this is an exception?

I think the easy solution here is to take Nan’s approach and stop sharing anything.

She can get a hotel.

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet Sorry what? You think it’s normal and healthy to regularly eat through an entire bag of sweets or large bar of chocolate in one sitting? Do you also think that that scale of regular sweet snacking is setting a good example to children?

Because at an event with food that isn’t vegan friendly, such that the vegan has to bring their own food, everybody else already has their own food….

Go one further. Go no contact! You don't want that toxicity around your children.

Yes, for example, it’s rude to just take food off someone else’s plate? If we are all eating and all supposed to be sharing, why have sacrosanct personal plates? The boundaries seem to shift randomly.

I never said it was healthy, did I.

And here’s a little secret - you don’t have to spend every nanosecond of the day setting a good example to children. It’s ok to behave imperfectly now and again. In fact, showing children that you can indulge now and again might even be good for them!

I don’t have a weird, highly strung relationship with food. I don’t cry and self flagellate at the thought of eating a sharing bag of crisps (although TBF it’s usually 2-3 sittings). Therefore my kids have a healthy relationship with food. They’re both healthy weights and have a very good balanced diet. Even though I <gasp> eat crisps now and again.

So? The other people don’t have the special treat that is vegan food. And at a summer BBQ every dish is usually a communal one for sharing?

What if this food included a whole tray of brownies? Do the vegans still get to not share with everyone else then?

I think ‘vegan food’ and ‘special treat’ might be an oxymoron

If you were bringing food to share for a BBQ then you share. If restricted diet then maybe you would bring something just for you, but would also bring something that could be shared too

But I assuming many of the non sharers on here wouldn’t like to share a bowl of salad or crisps. Food has to be pristine and not been anywhere near anybody else

However sweets are something we buy on the day (if I bought them in the big shop and kept them in the house me and DH would put on about 5 stone) and I buy everyone their own pack. No one shares.

Do I get to keep my kids now or shall I drop them off at the local foster home?

Excuse me? Why are you making this about you? I’m responding to a specific poster about about their behaviour, I’m allowed to have an opinion on that. And the other poster didn’t give her kids separate bags of sweets. You’re being deliberately dense.

I don't think asking someone in your family for a sweet makes you an entitled brat like some people have said. I was eating a cinnamon bun when my daughter (3) came home the other day. She asked if she could taste it (she's never had one before), I said yes... No big deal? if I'm eating sweets or have chocolate she will always 100% ask if she can have some. That's probably because I've never had an issue with sharing that sort of thing from so she's learned it's okay to ask. She has on occasion asked if she can taste her friends ice cream if she has a different flavour and then offers hers. (She doesn't kick off it they say no). I don't think this is bad behaviour. Yes if children are older moaning that they can't have any I'd consider that to be rude, but also do think it's odd (yes you don't have to share if you don't want to) that a grandparent won't share a sweet with a child. But I think that's just because I'm not that bothered about food to the extent I can't share happily 😬

@Blev2022 i think she 3 is an exception to most rules as they haven’t quite grasped what is polite yet!

but YABU to eat cinnamon rolls. Yak! What posted you? And to share with your child - poor thing!

*age 3

She has on occasion asked if she can taste her friends ice cream if she has a different flavour and then offers hers.

Not saying this is the case with your DD but I cannot stomach people licking each other’s ice cream cones. 🤢

This has reminded me of the time I hosted about 10 people for a pot luck.

One guest brought 2 wheels of Camembert and some bread.

Once it was cooked and on the table, she scoffed down 95% both cheeses herself, in the space of just a few minutes.

After she left, everyone expressed their shock at the rudeness (and, frankly, the spectacle).

Said guest is actually a very generous person in many other ways, but I guess there’s just a small fraction of people who are incapable of judging social etiquette around food, or have addiction issues.

Yes, not sharing sweets is the sign of an abusive, terrifying mother with petrified traumatised children. Polly shall I give you the name of this foster home? We can drop them off together! And then we can go and get some Maoams to share from the Co-op 😂😂😂😂

You love hyperbole don’t you? They’re clearly on eggshells if they’re too scared to ask Nanna for a sweet. Very defensive aren’t you.

Christ, are you so incapable of judging what is socially acceptable in any given scenario that you need a whole rule sheet covering every possibility?

Just eat alone at home, for everyone’s sake.

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet to be honest, I didn’t need you letting me in on that little “secret” thanks.

I raised a perfectly reasonable question to the OP about whether this was happening every night or just a couple of times. Despite reading your helpful description of eating crisps, I doubt you would honestly believe it’s fine and normal to polish off a large bag of Haribo every night for three weeks. OP’s mum may be doing this at home every night as well. No need to leap on me for enquiring and making a whole lot of assumptions about me. Back off.

Got to admit I'm not a fan either 😂