AIBU - my DM and sweets

[Widily]

Caveat - she’s been staying with us for 3 weeks and we can have a rather strained relationship so I MBU and not her.

She has a weird thing with food where she refuses to share with anyone - fine. But she will literally sit in the living room and eat bags of sweets and chocolate bars in front of the children and will not give even one to them. They are kind of used to it now but tonight we’d all gone out for dinner, came home, kids are washed and ready for bed, teeth brushed and she sits down and opens a big share bag of sweets and proceeds to pop one in her mouth every ten seconds.

Youngest starts complaining - told clearly “no these are nannies”. Silence in the living room except for the crunching of bloody sweets every 10 seconds 😡

Or you are eating a sandwich at work - do you share it with your colleague

You're comparing eating one's lunch in the workplace, with eating a snack treat in your family's home?

For those who don’t share and think it is weird to share what do you think the packets of crisps and bags of things like maltesers which have the wording bag to share or similar mean?

If you go to the cinema don’t you share a family size popcorn?

If someone buys you a big box of chocolates do you sit and scoff the lot without offering any to family

I don’t think it is the children who are entitled brats

I haven’t either.

However sweets are something we buy on the day (if I bought them in the big shop and kept them in the house me and DH would put on about 5 stone) and I buy everyone their own pack. No one shares.

Do I get to keep my kids now or shall I drop them off at the local foster home?

Disclaimer: We usually all eat our sweets at different times meaning I will often eat mine in front of kids before or after they’ve finished theirs. And no I won’t share.

So what if it’s children not adults? Do kids always have to get everything they may or may not want?

No-one's suggesting that a bag of sweets be shared equally. But it's polite to at least offer one to each person. Even at work I and my team would do that.

And yes, in a family where sharing/offering around is the norm, it's not 'entitled' of the kids to ask if they could have one. More that they've learned that that's what you do, and maybe thought their GM had just forgotten to offer.

I love that my in-laws taught me the generosity of spirit that wasn't there for me in my own family.

🤣🤣🤣

Yes, not sharing sweets is the sign of an abusive, terrifying mother with petrified traumatised children. Polly shall I give you the name of this foster home? We can drop them off together! And then we can go and get some Maoams to share from the Co-op 😂😂😂😂

I don’t see it as any different.

Its my good. Everyone else has their food. Sharing not necessary.

People on here saying food must be shared otherwise it’s rude - but only certain situations. I don’t get the rules TBH (probably because they’re ridiculous and make no sense).

For the non sharers what do you do if you have a takeaway or go out for something like a Chinese or tapas?

I buy everyone their own pack. No one shares.

But that's different. Everyone has their sweets, they just eat them at leisure. GM didn't bring everyone sweets. She just bought her own bag and ate them in front of everyone.

For those who don’t share and think it is weird to share what do you think the packets of crisps and bags of things like maltesers which have the wording bag to share or similar mean?

Well if you don’t tell the chocolate company you have it to yourself, i think it will be OK. It’s a suggestion, not a command, I imagine.

If you go to the cinema don’t you share a family size popcorn?

No. Not having my kids creepy little fingers diving into my lovely popcorn. They get their own. What do they need mine for?

If someone buys you a big box of chocolates do you sit and scoff the lot without offering any to family

Depends. If it’s something like Christmas they’ll go on the coffee table and it’s a free for all because those massive celebrations tins are way too much for one person. It was a box of Lindt balls I’d probably put it in the cupboard for later (not a huge snacker so I likely I’d open them then and there)

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet if you have a big bag of crisps which say to share on, the clue is on the packet!

I have my own.

Im like Smithy and Nessa. None of this ‘a bit of everything’ nonsense. I order what I order because that’s what I wanna eat. Same with tapas. I always say what I order I’ll have to myself and I won’t have anyone else’s.

No one has passed out with shock yet, or gone NC with me.

Still don’t get the problem.

If OP is bothered she should have sweets somewhere for this eventuality.

Nothig wrong with wanting what you’ve bout yourself, for yourself.

What a weird old meanie

And?

I am still allowed to buy them if I don’t intend on sharing them. I don’t think the potato police will come and arrest me if I eat them all myself

As others have said sharing happens if only one person has something. So if you have one big pack of crisps, tin of sweets, family popcorn you share. If everyone has their own you don’t need to share. So people saying about sharing your meal, on the assumption you feed your children then you don’t need to share your food, unless it is something you would usually share like tapas or a sharing platter (where the clue is in the name!)

How do you cope with a buffet?

I would ask / expect her to take her sweets elsewhere if she was not prepared to share (or even just because you didn't want the kids having them at that point) how very antisocial of her!

Do people realise is something is marketed as ‘sharing’ it’s not a command, right? You can have it to yourself if you want.

Radical, I know!

Although my children have never been entitled so maybe that's the difference here

It's incredibly bad manners to eat in front of others & not share anything.

What do you mean how do I cope?

I go up and get what I want. As does everyone?

It’s not sharing, it’s just getting it yourself?

What did you imagine I did? Exploded at the sight of communal vol-au-vents?

not too much greedy

Wow wow wow these posts! I couldn't enjoy stuffing my face and not sharing. The pleasure shared makes it even more enjoyable. It's so weird to not share. I'm from a working class ethnic minority home thou and our manners are always based on kindness and hospitality not restraint.

I’m equally baffled. There are constantly threads literally advising OPs to secretly hide sweets/chocolate so that their DC or DH didn’t sample them. Now this thread is saying it’s rude to not share sweets/chocolate with your family?

So it seems it ok if you do it in secret, but not in the open. That’s so fake imho. Like you’re pretending to be all generous but really you’re eating a kilo of chocolate every night at 2am. How does that make any sense at all? Everyone’s still going to know you’re eating chocolate bars anyway, so why is secrecy good? Isn’t it kind of a form of lying to sneak off to a corner or sneak down at midnight and snaffle a secret treat?

And the other way, just eating what is yours in front of family members “not normal” , “rude” or “mean”? Why? Especially in a situation where the other family members have access to sweets regularly.

Are treats so shameful they must be hidden? Why do you have to share when in open, when you don’t in secret?

And I wouldn’t be happy if my DM had offered sweets to my DC after getting their teeth all brushed and clean for bed. The last thing I need is a herd of kids hopping about high on sugar way past their bedtimes and having to convince them they have to brush their teeth again.