Page 3 | AIBU - my DM and sweets

Widily · 2022-08-13T21:05:48+00:00

Caveat - she’s been staying with us for 3 weeks and we can have a rather strained relationship so I MBU and not her. She has a weird thing with food where she refuses to share with anyone - fine. But she will literally sit in the living room and eat bags of sweets and chocolate bars in front of the children and will not give even one to them. They are kind of used to it now but tonight we’d all gone out for dinner, came home, kids are washed and ready for bed, teeth brushed and she sits down and opens a big share bag of sweets and proceeds to pop one in her mouth every ten seconds. Youngest starts complaining - told clearly “no these are nannies”. Silence in the living room except for the crunching of bloody sweets every 10 seconds 😡

SkirridHill · 13/08/2022 22:53

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 13/08/2022 22:35

TBF I don’t share my sweets with the kids, I get them their own but the Percy pigs are mine mine mine 😁

Ha, now THAT I can get on board with! Love a Percy Pig.

WinterMusings · 13/08/2022 22:53

In general it's bloidy rude, with your grandchildren it's mean.

& as they were ready for bed, why couldn't she just wait until they'd gone to bed?

I would have started making comments. 'No they're Nanny's sweets & nanny doesn't share'. Her mummy & Daddy didn't teach her good manners and she's a bit too old to learn good manners now.

😂😂

these threads are usually about Grandparents IVER indulging grandchildren with sweets/biscuits etc.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/08/2022 22:56

It is very unusual OP for any parent or grandparent to sit munching on sweets infront of children without even offering one or when she knew children were just off the bed- she couldn't wait even 30 mins to stuff her face or at least when DCs are in bed?!

Exactly right.

It’s really weird to open sweets or a big packet of anything when others are around and not offer to share. But especially with children.

Fine, she doesn’t want to share but don’t eat them in front of the kids. It’s just baffling.

badbaduncle · 13/08/2022 23:00

It's weird grandma behaviour that's for sure. My DM was a very firm parent who did not cave and we knew not to ask for her things, but as a DGM she gives them everything they look at 😂😂😂😂 it's one of the many reasons they now they are young adults they spend so much time and do so much for her including DS sharing a prize he won (bottle of vintage champagne) with her. Your mum mustn't be inverted in those future relationships, she sounds very singular and selfish.

toogoodforthisworld · 13/08/2022 23:01

Ah well, I suppose you could be grateful that she is a tight wad and that you don't have to clean the kids teeth again before they go to bed.
No nanny or grandad I've ever known would eat all their own sweets and not offer the kids at least one.
Or even say ' you've cleaned your teeth now so I'll put you a couple of my sweets in the kitchen for tomorrow after you've had your breakfast'

PollyRockets · 13/08/2022 23:01

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet

Apparently raising rude children is quite common on MN

CinnamonJellyBeans · 13/08/2022 23:05

Your mum is rude and greedy.

If you have always shared your chocolates and sweets (like regular people with regular manners), it's no wonder they got confused.

saraclara · 13/08/2022 23:08

I grew up in a family where sharing treats just wasn't a thing at all. Then I married into the most generous and giving of in-law families where none would dream of snacking on anything, or opening their own gift of chocolates without offering them to everyone in sight. And I quickly learned of the pleasure in sharing food treats.

One day we had a get together of the two families, and all went for a walk. My mum nipped into a shop briefly on the way back.
We all settled down in the living room on returning, and my mum reached into her handbag, brought out a large bar of chocolate and proceeded to eat it all while ignoring everyone. I was mortified.

No-one said a word of course, but I could see every emotion from bewildered to WTF? on the faces of my extended in-law family.

In the OP situation, the mum could at least have waited until the kids were in bed before stuffing her face.

Goldbar · 13/08/2022 23:09

PollyRockets · 13/08/2022 23:01

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet

Apparently raising rude children is quite common on MN

Whereas noisily crunching sweets in someone else's living-room is the height of good manners 😂!

TheYearOfSmallThings · 13/08/2022 23:10

What's hilarious?

You are.

Just10moreminutesplease · 13/08/2022 23:11

That’s so rude. It’s your house so I’d implement a rule that no sweets can be eaten in communal areas unless they are shared.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 13/08/2022 23:14

I’m honestly agog at these posts. I don’t I’ve ever known anyone to religious share sweets. My kids have NEVER asked anyone for a few of the sweets. I’ve never offered. I don’t think children are entitled to other people’s things by virtue of being small either.

I keep having to check this is MN - usually if a child so much as sings a Haribo Tangfastics the pearl clutchers come out and tell us their teeth WILL drop out

CloudCatz · 13/08/2022 23:27

My daughter loves tea. Sometimes, when I make a tea, and I haven't made her one, I will choose to share my cup with her. Not at bed time though, so would I be awful to drink a tea in front of her when she wants one, and say no, it's mine?

They just have to learn they can't have anything they want and other people don't have to restrict what they have to be "fair".

I don't get the whole "I wouldn't open a bag of something in a group without offering".

I can't sau I've ever had a friend open a bag of something in a group and expected that they would give me some, nor have I ever thought it rude.

MayISuggestSomeThickCutSteakChipsToGoWithThat · 13/08/2022 23:29

We were always taught if you aren't willing to share something like a bag of sweets or something you don't open it up when others are around you. Same with the last of something we were taught to ask of anyone else wanted it first before diving into grab it and if 2 people wanted it then it was split between the 2 of you. Those of you unwilling to share would you also grab the biggest half of something if was to be split between 2 of you or would you let the other person have the bigger half?

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 13/08/2022 23:32

How sensitive does a person have to be that another human opening sweets in front of you and having them all, upsets and shocks you so much?

BorderlineObsessedWithYou · 13/08/2022 23:33

That’s not nice when the kids would like some. Is she going home soon? Why let her drag at all if she’s a selfish bastard and you don’t have a great relationship? Eating that amount of sweets and chocolate might finish her off soon anyway. 🤭

BorderlineObsessedWithYou · 13/08/2022 23:34

stay not drag

saraclara · 13/08/2022 23:40

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 13/08/2022 23:32

How sensitive does a person have to be that another human opening sweets in front of you and having them all, upsets and shocks you so much?

If you're making yourself a drink, do you offer one to all those in the room, or just make your own and sit and drink it in front of them? If you decide to have a biscuit with that cup of coffee or tea, would you take one out of the packet and then sit and eat it in front of them, or would you ask others if they'd like one/put some on a place to hand around?

If someone else was making a drink/opening biscuits, would you say, "ooh, can I have one please?" Or is that horrifically rude too?

CloudCatz · 13/08/2022 23:41

One day we had a get together of the two families, and all went for a walk. My mum nipped into a shop briefly on the way back.
We all settled down in the living room on returning, and my mum reached into her handbag, brought out a large bar of chocolate and proceeded to eat it all while ignoring everyone. I was mortified.

I don't get why it's wrong. If anybody else wanted chocolate so badly, they could have got some from the shop too. It's her money and she's buying herself chocolate.

XSnoe · 13/08/2022 23:44

If someone else was making a drink/opening biscuits, would you say, "ooh, can I have one please?" Or is that horrifically rude too?

I wouldn't ask if I wasn't offered.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 13/08/2022 23:45

saraclara · 13/08/2022 23:40

If you're making yourself a drink, do you offer one to all those in the room, or just make your own and sit and drink it in front of them? If you decide to have a biscuit with that cup of coffee or tea, would you take one out of the packet and then sit and eat it in front of them, or would you ask others if they'd like one/put some on a place to hand around?

If someone else was making a drink/opening biscuits, would you say, "ooh, can I have one please?" Or is that horrifically rude too?

Show quote history

Drinks and biscuits are generally a communal thing - it’s good manners to offer a guest a drink. It’s not the same.

But seeing as we’re playing this game - you have someone over for dinner, they want some of your Yorkshire pudding. You share it, right? Or you are eating a sandwich at work - do you share it with your colleague?

Incidentally I don’t drink hot drinks at all so I make them for nobody (if we have guests DH makes them as I’m shit at it, apparently). I don’t make any drinks for anyone at work. And wouldn’t ask for a biscuit of the tea drinkers. Because I’m not rude

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 13/08/2022 23:46

CloudCatz · 13/08/2022 23:41

One day we had a get together of the two families, and all went for a walk. My mum nipped into a shop briefly on the way back.
We all settled down in the living room on returning, and my mum reached into her handbag, brought out a large bar of chocolate and proceeded to eat it all while ignoring everyone. I was mortified.

I don't get why it's wrong. If anybody else wanted chocolate so badly, they could have got some from the shop too. It's her money and she's buying herself chocolate.

Exactly. The chocolates and sweets are personal 1-person things. The mum was probably sick of all the greedy buggers nicking her chocolate 🤣

Also presumably the non-sweet haters were fine not having sweets beforehand. Why the pressing need to have one just because someone else is?

ilyx · 13/08/2022 23:47

Why does she have to share her food though?

I've never shared a bag of sweets with my kids.

You sound just as bad as the Nan. Your poor kids. THAT’S NOT NORMAL.

Mumspair1 · 13/08/2022 23:47

Well I think that's really mean. It's children, not adults and off course they would want some.

ilyx · 13/08/2022 23:48

Although my children have never been entitled so maybe that's the difference here

Or they’re just on eggshells around you.