To have abandoned my basket in the middle of Sainsburys and carried my screaming child out

[riotlady]

I took my DD (4.5) out today for lunch at Greggs and to the cinema. Once we were done we went to Sainsburys to pick up some shopping, which generally she loves. In the car park she was refusing to hold my hand and bit me when I insisted on holding on to her. I warned her that if she couldn’t behave herself we would go straight home.

In the shop she was mostly fine, until she saw a display of Frozen dolls and started insisting that she wanted one, to which I said no. We had already had a conversation about how we weren’t getting any toys today and usually I say she can ask Santa for it if she still wants it at Christmas time (given that she’s 4 and it’s August I assume she will have forgotten by then!). Anyway, today she wasn’t having it and started throwing a fit, trying to grab the dolls and out them in the basket. I told her no and she sprinted away, at which point I left my basket in the aisle and ran after her. When I caught up with her (she’s fast!) I told her we were going home and carried her out of the shop screaming. I’m sort of in two minds about whether I did the right thing now- I’m glad I held my ground with her but I feel bad about leaving my basket for somebody in Sainsburys to sort out, and a bit embarrassed about causing a scene on the way out. Wibu?

It's the policy for abandoned shopping, unfortunately!

I'm not saying I agree with it.

What store? I’ve been a supervisor, department manager and store manager in a few mid sized supermarkets when younger, while we had to scrap the frozen items the rest could go back

if that was a basket full of vodka bottles are you telling me you would have run them through wastage?

What’s your shrinkage rate for your store?

Where lol?

I’m impressed, I was huffing and puffing enough with a 4yo!

Haha I like the simile! Yes we’ve all done it or at least I know I have. Bad times...

I think you did the only thing you could do once she ran away from you - that is very unsafe.

But really you should have stopped everything and gone home when she bit you. That is quite awful - I hope you're okay. Is that common enough behaviour from her that you just carried on? There should have been a reckoning for the bite - a time out at home or a frowny face on a chart or whatever age-appropriate method you use when she's done something really not ok.

I think taking her out of the shop was the right call - the only call, really. But I do not think that alone will have taught her anything.

Of course you did the right thing.

I once had to dump my shopping at the end of our terraced street, wrestle screaming and furious 2 year old DS under my arm and lug him down to our house, put him inside, run back up for the shopping and back home again with it. All under the judgemental and very disapproving eye of a woman with a pram across the road.

I took great solace in the fact that she had it all to come.

The policy was introduced at the peak of Covid - prior to this, we could put the ambient back on the shop floor, and even the chiller items if they felt cool, still.

Hoping the powers that be change it back, it influences our wastage % -- although not much, as we very rarely have abandoned shopping. Usually 'abandoned' is simply a customer who has forgotten their purse/card or had a card declined and not returned after a suspend and retrieve. It's allowed to all be popped back onto the shop floor in this case!

What shop do you work in where ambient food is wasted because it's not on the shelf or in a cage? The cheese yes but then we always get random chilled stuff left all over by folk who can't be arsed putting it back.
You did the right thing op for your dd and other shoppers and staff.

piccy you'd scrap magazines, pasta, tins of soup would you? I don't think so somehow

Sure Jan. What about non-consumables?

Think you might be telling pies or need to check your store policy again.

sorry, I quoted the wrong poster - I agree with wotsits (the poster and the snack product)

Somebody should tell your bosses that most stock is touched over and over.
Management what would we do without them eh?

I’d have done the same. Like a pp, I can’t bear hearing threats that are never carried through. I had a friend with similar age dcs who endlessly threatened this or that but invariably gave in after they’d screamed or roared for 15 minutes.
It drove me mad! Especially when whichever child would then produce a triumphant beam - ‘See? I won yet again!!’

No it dosnt! If its not frozen it gets put back. That would be a waste of food. Where the hell do you work!?

Not really.
You should have told a staff member where you'd left the basket so they could get fridge/freezer foods before they had to be chucked out.

Perhaps they get rid of them anyway but I'd still have told someone even if I had to shout over sound of screaming child.

must be waitrose

Yeah, a couple people have said I should have gone home after the biting and I think you’re right tbh- it was not a sign that things were going to go well!

She seems to go through cycles where she manages well for a long time then goes downhill with biting/scratching again. It’s the same at nursery- she’ll be great for a while and then we’ll get a few messages in a row saying that she’s hurt someone.

It’s really tricky tbh and in some ways I feel bad for her- her speech is a bit behind and she struggles with her impulse control, sometimes you can see on her face that she can’t quite stop herself.

Must be. No supermarket I worked in didn't even HAVE incinerators. The food was just taken away.

I have had to abandon shopping for a range of reasons when the kids were small. As I live in the USA and customer service is great the employees were always very understanding and would offer to hold the groceries for me.
I remember being in the check out line with a 6 yr old, 3 yr old and baby under 6 months and my 3 yr old declared that she needed to go to the loo. At that stage it meant NOW - any waiting would produce a much greater disaster. So I had to grab the 3 kids, push the cart to the side and sprint to the nearest loo, which was up a steep flight of stairs!

I don’t think they’re serious 😂

And OP both my daughters were a really handful at 4! I don't know why it was that age is particular. But definitely the most defiant etc. They are now 21 & 19 and are horrified when they babysit young children who are "disrespectful' 😄😄 So stick to your guns. Once they know you mean it and there is no crack in the armor they eventually learn that being charming and polite is much more effective as a persuasive tool.

I've abandoned a trolley before in Tesco and carried a screaming child out surf board style. Sometimes it's got to be done.

Haven’t RTFT but just another voice saying well done, you definitely did the right thing.