To have abandoned my basket in the middle of Sainsburys and carried my screaming child out

[riotlady]

I took my DD (4.5) out today for lunch at Greggs and to the cinema. Once we were done we went to Sainsburys to pick up some shopping, which generally she loves. In the car park she was refusing to hold my hand and bit me when I insisted on holding on to her. I warned her that if she couldn’t behave herself we would go straight home.

In the shop she was mostly fine, until she saw a display of Frozen dolls and started insisting that she wanted one, to which I said no. We had already had a conversation about how we weren’t getting any toys today and usually I say she can ask Santa for it if she still wants it at Christmas time (given that she’s 4 and it’s August I assume she will have forgotten by then!). Anyway, today she wasn’t having it and started throwing a fit, trying to grab the dolls and out them in the basket. I told her no and she sprinted away, at which point I left my basket in the aisle and ran after her. When I caught up with her (she’s fast!) I told her we were going home and carried her out of the shop screaming. I’m sort of in two minds about whether I did the right thing now- I’m glad I held my ground with her but I feel bad about leaving my basket for somebody in Sainsburys to sort out, and a bit embarrassed about causing a scene on the way out. Wibu?

Happened to me years ago but I was halfway through packing (the aisle had sweets on and I refused Dd sweets). I was 8 and a half months pregnant so Dd was polishing the floor as I couldn’t lift her up. I got from various customers/staff: give her the sweets, she needs a good slap, I can buy the sweets for you, do you need a doctor?
Makes me laugh now but was hideous at the time. After what seemed like an hour but probably half that time, she stopped and we calmly went to the car with her snotty after sobs. Tantrums were never that bad after that.
Dd2s speciality was body stiffening into an upright position with arms by her sides to evade the car seat. A physio told us which points to press on her abdomen so she’d momentarily bend!

Well done!

It's soooooooo easy to give in to stop the screaming - especially in somewhere like a supermarket.

But your DD now knows her behaviour won't get her what she wants.

I'm assuming though this behaviour is unusual for her - including biting? So I'd out it down to heat and tiredness and have a chat later and move on.

🙄

I think that as the shopping didn't have to be done then it would have been better to have gone home when she bit you.

Does she often get bought stuff?

Can't imagine having to tell a kid beforehand that they wouldn't be getting anything-that's a given!

Come off it. I don’t think a single member of staff would have objected to the OP doing this. She was right to do it.

There are some f*ing perfect folk on MN, aren't there?
next time, OP, let DD run off so you can at least put the cheese back.. FFS, you critics ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

Anyway I went home and deposited her with her dad, then went and did the shopping on my own in peace and sat in the car park for a bit with an emergency chocolate bar (which is when I posted). Feeling a little bit calmer now!

I hope you also gave her a suitable punishment for biting you!

Well done OP - you did great. I hope you added some wine to that list, and that you are now drinking it in the garden while devil child stays in her room until you say so.

No you come off it. Maybe they wouldn't object but it's the 'the staff will just have to put it back' attitude that annoys me. And the waste.

I think you would be shocked at the amount of food that's wasted from abandoned trolleys in supermarkets.

If your kid was sprinting round the supermarket like the OP's was, the staff would much rather deal with your abandoned shopping, than have to administer first aid to either your DC or a member of the public

Priorities spring to mind. OP is not a machine she needed to attend to her daughter she did not have time to start putting each item back on the correct Isle. Also it's the staffs job!

OP said she felt bad..... there's no pleasing some people. I'd rather put away shopping in a basket than witness a child have a major meltdown.

Hats off to OP!

@CuriousCatfish oh my god

Oh give over!
One basket of food.

We’ve all been there atleast once. No judgement here.

Yes totally. Mine knew exactly what she was doing aged 2 when she took toys off other children at bounce and rhyme. Warned her and then picked her up and she bit me and I carried her out, she fought I held on and put a thrashing toddler in the car. Same the following week and then it stopped 😜👍

They are paid to do a job. And sometimes it is this. Other times it’s cleaning up a broken mess, other times it’s putting back returns that customers have brought back.

Get the picture…

Good god.

The fact that you moan about this indicates to me you would probably pull a cats bum face at a tantruming toddler too.

OP - you did the right thing for sure.

Been there, done that 😂 if this is out of the norm for her then I imagine it’s because of the heat today, makes us all a bit tetchy!
My ds2 was 6 when he had a huge tantrum in the supermarket, totally out of the ordinary for him as he is such a sunny child. I had to heave him up from his position laid on the floor and carry him under one arm like a rugby ball out of the shop. Turns out he was coming down with a bug.

As I’ve said a couple of times, DD really enjoys doing the shopping. She didn’t want to get out of it, she was desperate to go.

Also it’s 24 degrees here so definitely warm but not “dripping in sweat” warm. Especially having just come out of the nice cool cinema.

@CuriousCatfish would you have preferred the OP to not chase her daughter and just let her run off while she carefully placed each item back?
Is it ideal? No, but sometimes in life things happen and you have to deal with a situation in the moment.

@gatehouseoffleet 100% agree. I worked in a supermarket for years. Putting someone's shopping back on the shelves is infinitely preferable to dealing with horrible customers who would complain about the noise.

I would of finished my shopping tbh and then taken her home. And given her very little attention while I finished my shopping and drove home.

Sorry I’ve seen your update you took her home then when shopping in peace and ate chocolate! You defo did the right thing!! Good for you. Little madam 😂

I've done the same.

However, that was a long afternoon for a 4.5yo. I would have called it quits after the cinema. Small children don't have a lot of emotional stamina or the ability to understand that there comes a point where the treats are over and it's back to business. Biting you in the car park was a signal to cut your losses.

I've done that myself. Sometimes you just have to abandon everything else and deal with the tantrum.
My child is 11 but developmentally a toddler. Too big to pick up off the floor now, so I just have to wait until he's calmed down. I don't know what I'll do if he still does it in a few years time. He's getting so big and strong and the kicks he gives are more forceful.

YANBU - I'm here to offer solidarity. My husband has just returned home from, coincidentally, a trip to Sainsburys with our 18MO and he's looking pretty stressed out. Apparently she was constantly lobbing her water bottle out the pram/slapping it away after having asked for it whilst whinging/screaming incessantly.

(Side note: we're reluctant to say no to giving her the water bottle because of the heat. )