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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have abandoned my basket in the middle of Sainsburys and carried my screaming child out

178 replies

riotlady · 13/08/2022 15:43

I took my DD (4.5) out today for lunch at Greggs and to the cinema. Once we were done we went to Sainsburys to pick up some shopping, which generally she loves. In the car park she was refusing to hold my hand and bit me when I insisted on holding on to her. I warned her that if she couldn’t behave herself we would go straight home.

In the shop she was mostly fine, until she saw a display of Frozen dolls and started insisting that she wanted one, to which I said no. We had already had a conversation about how we weren’t getting any toys today and usually I say she can ask Santa for it if she still wants it at Christmas time (given that she’s 4 and it’s August I assume she will have forgotten by then!). Anyway, today she wasn’t having it and started throwing a fit, trying to grab the dolls and out them in the basket. I told her no and she sprinted away, at which point I left my basket in the aisle and ran after her. When I caught up with her (she’s fast!) I told her we were going home and carried her out of the shop screaming. I’m sort of in two minds about whether I did the right thing now- I’m glad I held my ground with her but I feel bad about leaving my basket for somebody in Sainsburys to sort out, and a bit embarrassed about causing a scene on the way out. Wibu?

OP posts:
hellcatspangle · 13/08/2022 16:26

Vikinga · 13/08/2022 15:52

No, you should have finished your shopping or put the items back. She didn't lose anything by you not getting your shopping.

Oh yes, it's very easy to carry on shopping with a stropping four year old trying to leg it out of the shop 🙄

Tiamariaa · 13/08/2022 16:30

Well done you! Can’t have been easy, but I wish there were more parents like you.
Don’t worry about the shopping. I’m sure the staff will understand.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 13/08/2022 16:30

CuriousCatfish · 13/08/2022 15:53

Perhaps she was hot and bothered. I'd have offered to buy her an ice lolly if she started behaving.

I'm not sure taking her out of a supermarket will teach her anything. It's not exactly a treat.

aye rewarding bad behaviour is obviously what you do!

Well done op, you done the right thing.

CuriousCatfish · 13/08/2022 16:33

I wasn't a perfect MN mother. Sometimes I needed to get the shopping done even with a kicking off child.

HannahSternDefoe · 13/08/2022 16:33

I abandoned a really full trolley at Morrisons in Caernarfon more than a decade ago...we were self-catering (2wks in a cottage) and needed everything from cereal, fairy liquid, loo rolls, etc to oven chips, pizza and ice cream. There would have been at least £150 in it now... (it was heaving) they opened a queue for welsh speakers only I've since learned basic welsh so I walked away and went to Tesco.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 13/08/2022 16:34

Charlavail · 13/08/2022 16:19

When I worked at Tesco we bloody loved doing put backs and waste! Im sure there was someone pleased to do it. Me and DH used to fight over who got to do it.

That made me chuckle, are you being serious? and why? Grin

Paniniandsalad · 13/08/2022 16:35

Easy to say in hindsight, but if my child had bitten me and refused to hold my hand on the car park, I would have taken them straight home and not entered the supermarket as they had already shown me they were on the edge.

If feel really guilty for abandoning the basket and if I could put it away myself I would tell a member of staff if had to abandon it so they weren't left guessing why it was there.

I say that as someone whose children regularly have meltdowns when overwhelmed/ tired.

Summerhouse2013 · 13/08/2022 16:36

CuriousCatfish · 13/08/2022 15:49

Not great for the staff who have to put all the food back.

OP had a basket, |'m sure there wasn't much in there to put back to be honest.

Hind sight is a wonderful thing, but when you're faced with a child running away instinct kicks in & you drop everything to keep your child safe....

SausagePourHomme · 13/08/2022 16:37

a loooong time ago when I worked at a supermarket, I once had a pensioner leave a trolley full of goods on my checkout. the reason? they didn't want to pay 2p for a carrier bag.

literally no skin off my nose though, putting stuff back was just part of the job

You did the right thing, and this too shall pass

bluberries · 13/08/2022 16:38

No frozen food but there was a packet of cheese so hopefully that hasn’t gone to waste. the cheese will have gone to waste. They can't but it back as no idea how long it's been out the fridge. Don't worry about it though

Blaze3 · 13/08/2022 16:38

My son works in a Supermarket part time (He’s 17 & doing his A Levels) - He says putting an abandoned shop either basket or trolley is no bother.

Blaze3 · 13/08/2022 16:39

*putting it back

Musmerian · 13/08/2022 16:39

CuriousCatfish · 13/08/2022 15:49

Not great for the staff who have to put all the food back.

Oh come on. It’s not a big deal and part of the job.

Discrimination1234 · 13/08/2022 16:40

I have left things on more than one occasion due to badly behaved kids. They soon learn you are serious and behave accordingly

mumwon · 13/08/2022 16:41

I imagine this happens at least once a day op
You did OK - I always think people who sneer and say you should do it differently forget that different children different circumstances & how blinking hot it is

GretaVanFleet · 13/08/2022 16:42

You warned her and followed through. Dealt with perfectly. The staff probably saw and thought you handled it the right way too.

WonderingWanda · 13/08/2022 16:43

You did the right thing. I think initially had been a full trolly it might have been wise to tell staff member but your priority had to be catching dd.

My dd kept running away from me in a Sainsburys when we were buying picnic food to take to a country park. I gave her warnings that we would go home and she still wriggled away and ran off so we went home. She screamed for about an hour, then came and said sorry, we hugged and discussed it and all was well. Then she said 'so can we go to the park now?' 'Erm no we cannot' so we had a further round of screaming and wall kicking until she eventually understood I meant what I said.

Hoolahulahoop · 13/08/2022 16:47

She was very naughty biting you after a nice treat. You were right to take her out. My Ds threw an ice cream in a cafe once when he was 3. I cleaned it and threw it in the bin and carried the two (I had a 2 year old also) out. I was super strict after that. We didn't go out for much. But it worked.

fortifiedwithtea · 13/08/2022 16:47

I think you set yourself up for that one.

child taken out for lunch then stimulated at the cinema. Bet she was tired. Refused to hold your hand. How hot and sticky do you think your hand was in today’s heat? Totally sensible for safety, I’d have done the same but uncomfortable.

Then you gave her a get out clause , behave or you are going home. Food shopping is not fun and I’m willing to bet she really wanted to be home. Not an incentive for good behaviour was it.

So she misbehaved and the shopping got cut short. Win for the toddler I’d say. Having said that you did the right thing by taking her home.

Lachimolala · 13/08/2022 16:49

ZeroFuchsGiven · 13/08/2022 16:34

That made me chuckle, are you being serious? and why? Grin

Show quote history

I used to work at Sainsburys and Primark back in the day, put backs are not necessarily skiving but I used to enjoy a break from the monotony of my other tasks that were usually time sensitive. I liked taking my time going for a wander through the store when I did the put back/return trolley lol.

Hoppinggreen · 13/08/2022 16:50

CuriousCatfish · 13/08/2022 15:49

Not great for the staff who have to put all the food back.

It was a basket so won’t take them long.

catmothertes1 · 13/08/2022 16:51

Considering she was running away from you,I don't think you had any choice.

For · 13/08/2022 16:52

Most of us have been there with carrying away the tantruming toddler. It’s a stage they have to go through in learning that they can’t have everything they want. You did the world a favour teaching her that young!

I would have tried to quickly shove the cold stuff back in the nearest fridge but I get that may not have been an option.

MissDollyMix · 13/08/2022 16:55

Oh goodness me this brings back memories of my ds at that age!! Little horror he was!! Once had to carry him kicking and screaming into the classroom because I wouldn’t let him take his Spider-Man toy with him to school. He’s 12 now and manages to get onto the school bus without spider-man so I must have got something right 😂
Well done on handling it so well. The constant boundary pushing can feel so hard, especially when you’re out in public but rest assured every parent in that supermarket will have been through the same thing at one point or another. My DS’s tantrums massively decreased when he got to about 5 so you’re nearing the finish line (for now… teenage years are another matter…)

Batwomanandrobin · 13/08/2022 16:57

My neice used to have these hissy fits whilst out shopping, my sister would put whatever the desired object was in the trolley, walk around for a while, carefully replace it on another shelf before leaving, and by the time they'd reached home the toy would have been forgotten about.