Mum broke leg, now SIL furious

[RoversEnd]

So long story short my Mum broke her leg and we were meant to be dog sitting SIL’s dog this week as they are on holiday. We had to say we can’t do it as my Mum needs care. She’s on her own. I’m an only child and there is no-one else to help. We’ve got her a basic wheelchair and in cooking and caring for her. The response to this was that they are ‘furious’.

DH’s parents actually offered to look after the dog but apparently they can’t give ‘the dog what it needs’ for a week. There has been no concern for my Mum’s situation at all. SIL even said ‘I’m sorry to hear that RoversEnd and RoversEnd’s mum can’t handle this situation by themselves’.

AIBU to feel really hurt? I don’t have any siblings so I tried to make this relationship work for my DD’s sake so she has cousins to spend time with. DD is also an only child due to our secondary infertility. I feel like I’ve made a major effort trying to build this relationship and actually there’s nothing there. DH says he’s so disappointed that there’s no feeling or care for our situation whatsoever. I know she’s disappointed we can’t look after her dog, but her own parents offered to look after it too and sure they wouldn’t be able to take it for ten mile walks but they are very fit and healthy and could do a lot more than us, given we are in hospital every other day. In the end she said ‘she’s sorted something out’ and has now continued to talk on the family chat like nothings happened. I feel like removing myself from the group.

To be honest I’m not quite sure why you still can’t have the dog?

How much help does your Mum need with her broken leg that you couldn't look after a dog as well?

Seconded.

@Doidontimmm Mum is staying with us and the dog is really active. We said we could mainly keep let DD play with the dog in the garden and take it for walks so my mum can rest. Otherwise it’s jumping up and down on people all the time. But there was no response to that. I think they wanted the dog sitting on their terms or not at all.

Why can't you look after your mum and you husband takes care of the dog? The dog doesn't need 24 hour attention.

The plan was to go to their house for the dog sitting so they didn’t want the dog at our house.

I wouldn't want to look after a dog that enjoys 10 mile walks when I'm looking after someone with a newly broken leg (and I'm a dog owner!)

I have recent experience of how bloody stressful it is when your dog sitting arrangements fall through last minute but you have to just take what is on offer and in this case, the parents have offered.

I’m sorry to hear that RoversEnd and RoversEnd’s mum can’t handle this situation by themselves’

what does that actually mean? Was it her brother (your DH) who was going to have the dog and she’s annoyed because he’s having to help your mum? What ‘situation’ should you and your mum be handling?

It can’t be jumping every minute? If your mum wanted to sleep she could go to her bedroom? Dogs not going to hurt a foot in a cast and she will be ok left for an hour if you take the dog out?

Where is their house in relation to yours?

She sounds very unpleasant

Can you not have the dog at your mums house? Neither need round the clock care and supervision so I'm sure it could be worked out especially between you and DH.

I hope your Mum is ok but I think you probably could have managed both with a few changes.
It can be hard to arrange dog sitting for holidays and I do it before I book a holiday so for it to fall through at the last moment for a reason that (to me) isn’t really good enough would piss me right off too

Could you not take your Mum with you and all go to theirs?

So what are they proposing you do now?

So what was meant to happen was you, your DH and your DD were meant to decamp to your husband's sibling's house and look after the dog from there?

But your mum has broken her leg so is staying with you, and they are asking why you can't be left to deal with your daughter and mother alone and your husband still go and dog sit?

Yeah that's not cool. But I am not sure what good will come from removing yourself from the chat group TBH. Sounds like one to leave to wash under the bridge - they were frustrated, they've made other arrangements. Further conflict isn't going to make anything better.

Are you the type if people that can only cope with one thing at a time? We have friends like that, they all go to children's parties together, they share email accounts, they don't do anything by themselves. Anything more that one thing to do at once is just too much.

If I’d just broken my leg, I’d want to be somewhere I was comfortable-not my daughters, husband’s sister’s house.

Is your Mum able to go SIL's house with you for the week if you were planning to stay there for pet sitting.

Can a compromise be found where the PIL have the dog and you and your DH walk the dog?

Why can’t your DH still look after the dog, in conjunction with his parents?

They are being unreasonable to be so arsey about it but at the last minute when you’ve got a holiday booked it is really stressful to be let down.

Well yes obviously but the daughter is doing her a favour by helping her out. Lots of people manage just fine with a broken leg on their own. It’s not ideal but if your health is otherwise okay it can be done! So in these particular circumstances to keep everyone sweet maybe all going together might be an option?

Nothing. SIL made other plans.

Why is everyone suggesting OP takes the dog anyway when: DH’s parents actually offered to look after the dog but apparently they can’t give ‘the dog what it needs’ for a week.
There’s a solution, but SIL doesn’t like it.

I’d never offer to look after the dog ever again and I would be off that chat as quickly as possible.
She wants it all on her own terms - you were doing a big favour by being willing to live at their house to look after their dog in the first place. Of course you shouldn’t even be thinking about dragging your mum to live in someone’s house who isn’t a relative of theirs. She had an option already - she can use that in future.

The OPs mum has a broken leg and is immobile enough to require a wheelchair.

The OPs ILs offered to have the dog but that wasn't deemed acceptable.

I don't understand why people think it's the OPs responsibility to look after someone else's dog whilst they are on holiday if she is unable to.
And in this situation she was kind enough to put herself out to do it for a week until she was required to care for her mum instead.

Even the OPs DH doesn't agree with his sister. And it's not his responsibility to be running around caring for her dog on her terms (note the OP has said they offered alternative solutions to continue the arrangement)

If this was a child everyone would be saying if you don't like how someone will care for them then don't leave them and go on holiday or find an alternative!