Mum broke leg, now SIL furious

[RoversEnd]

So long story short my Mum broke her leg and we were meant to be dog sitting SIL’s dog this week as they are on holiday. We had to say we can’t do it as my Mum needs care. She’s on her own. I’m an only child and there is no-one else to help. We’ve got her a basic wheelchair and in cooking and caring for her. The response to this was that they are ‘furious’.

DH’s parents actually offered to look after the dog but apparently they can’t give ‘the dog what it needs’ for a week. There has been no concern for my Mum’s situation at all. SIL even said ‘I’m sorry to hear that RoversEnd and RoversEnd’s mum can’t handle this situation by themselves’.

AIBU to feel really hurt? I don’t have any siblings so I tried to make this relationship work for my DD’s sake so she has cousins to spend time with. DD is also an only child due to our secondary infertility. I feel like I’ve made a major effort trying to build this relationship and actually there’s nothing there. DH says he’s so disappointed that there’s no feeling or care for our situation whatsoever. I know she’s disappointed we can’t look after her dog, but her own parents offered to look after it too and sure they wouldn’t be able to take it for ten mile walks but they are very fit and healthy and could do a lot more than us, given we are in hospital every other day. In the end she said ‘she’s sorted something out’ and has now continued to talk on the family chat like nothings happened. I feel like removing myself from the group.

YANBU.

Do not remove yourself from the WhatsApp.

However, her reaction is very rude and selfish..

This is knowledge, and knowledge is power.

She has given you a direct insight into who she is.

So tuck that information away and adapt.

You do not have to have a big reaction, but you can definitely take this on board and accept this is who she is, rather than who you hoped she was.

Be glad you have found out.

I hope your mum makes a great recovery.

YANBU & your comment about trying to build a relationship with SIL only to find there's nothing there really struck a chord with me.
It was a very kind offer in the first place from your mum & of course she can no longer do it.
SIL sounds rather entitled, I'd distance a fair bit in future.

I think their response has been insensitive and inconsiderate. I would be reluctant to help them out at all. You're clearly having to adapt your day to day life by caring for your mum and they don't give a toss as they're only bothered about how it impacts them.

I don't understand posters who are suggesting ways for you to look after their dog when I wouldn't want to accommodate them at all after the comments they've made.

Tell SIL you're absolutely appalled/horrified/furious that they've not cancelled their holiday to help care for Mum. Don't add anything else, just that, and then stop interacting.

Some awful comments on here. You offered to have the dog, your circumstances changed and now you can't. Of course your mum will be the priority and who cba walking dogs etc when you're actually looking after a person.

I'm sorry your sil is so very self centred op. She had the offer from her own parents it isn't as if they've had to cancel their trip. Her immediate response should have been 'no problem, I hope your dm is ok'.

Some of these replies are weird. It’s a dog, op now has the more important job of looking after her mum. Why should she try to juggle both? The dog goes to the in-laws or to kennels. If someone was more worried about me looking after their dog than how my mum was I wouldn’t be doing them any more favours.

Can't you leave your mum in a bedroom with the door shut?

Is this an actual joke?
Why on Earth should she have to do this just to accommodate rude and entitled people...?!

Lots of people manage just fine with a broken leg on their own
Jesus @Afterfire really?

It is a bit shit to be honest and you have let them down.

Exactly.

We've always had dogs but people come first.

You have my sympathies the op, your sil sounds a right entitled pita.

Getting a dog looked after is a nightmare, decent kennels are booked up months ahead. Just from a dog owners point of view.

I hope your Mum recovers quickly OP.

Lots of people break their leg and have a dog so I can understand why SIL was bemused that your DM having a broken leg means you and your DH can't keep a prior arrangement.
I also think it's fair for them not to want your ILs to stay in their house or watch their dog. Dogs are like children. You don't just leave them with anyone.

An active dog who likes 10 mile walks is going to be a huge commitment in an already busy house, let alone where one vulnerable person has had to move in to be cared for and will need to be careful not to get knocked into, etc.

It's unfortunate for the sister but I'm afraid that's the risk when you have a pet. Sometimes your pet care will fall down and you need an alternative.

If they don't trust the alternative care offered they can use a paid for kennels instead.

I can understand why sil reacted the way she did 🤷🏻‍♀️They are meant to be going on holiday, bags packed then they get the news the dog sitter has fallen through. I’m sure the words she spoke were just sheer panic, she will probably regret them later and realise how ott she was. Hope she apologises!

Let SIL be furious and then offer her no further free services. No need to be nasty but no need to pander to it either. Life's too short jusy because she's your DH's sister she's only as relevant and important as you allow her to be. Don't stress. You've made your decision. She has a backup offer for dogsitting which she refuses to take up. It's her problem to fix. Hope your mum gets better soon x

😂😂😂😂

Maybe suggest the dog be put in kennels so they can give it their full attention. And the in-laws too. The woman broke her leg dammit, it'll take at least 10 people to help pass her stuff she might want off the shelf.

I disagree, SIL response was patronising and passive aggressive. OPs feelings are her own, she is entitled to be hurt considering the effort she’s made to develop a relationship with this woman. From where I stand it look like SIL is invested in this as much as it benefits her.

My best wishes to your Mum for a full and speedy recovery 💐💐

Your SIL was lucky that you entertained this idea in the first place…and maybe you’ve done it before..

If anyone asked me to look after an ‘active’ dog that jumps all over people for even 5 minutes my answer would be a clear No.

@JaniieJones but it’s not a choice between the dogs life or her mums life!

the dog clearly couldn’t be left alone!

it sounds like the problem was that op couldn’t look after her mother on her own without dh. To which I raise and eyebrow

She didn't bother asking after OP's mum, or expressing sympathy. As if that wasn't cold enough, she berated OP & her mum for "not handling the situation by themselves".
She was offered a perfectly viable alternative for dog care but chose to kick off instead.

PP who think that isn't appalling behaviour have some odd standards for human compassion & reasonable compromise.

That's what I was thinking! It's not like there wasn't an alternative put forward it's just that the sil didn't like it

Is anyone else amazed by these responses?!

of course OP can't manage the dog too. Bloody hell.

It isn’t OPs responsibility to look after the dog, but they agreed to do so. I’d be very upset and panicking if my pet care arrangement fell through at the last minute too.

And it is hard to understand why a couple cannot look after a dog because one of their mothers broke a leg. People break their legs all the time, it doesn’t mean the family pet has to be ferried off to the kennels because the family need to devote all their attention to the broken leg.

OP, is your SIL one of these idiots who thinks a broken leg is no big deal?