Mum broke leg, now SIL furious

[RoversEnd]

So long story short my Mum broke her leg and we were meant to be dog sitting SIL’s dog this week as they are on holiday. We had to say we can’t do it as my Mum needs care. She’s on her own. I’m an only child and there is no-one else to help. We’ve got her a basic wheelchair and in cooking and caring for her. The response to this was that they are ‘furious’.

DH’s parents actually offered to look after the dog but apparently they can’t give ‘the dog what it needs’ for a week. There has been no concern for my Mum’s situation at all. SIL even said ‘I’m sorry to hear that RoversEnd and RoversEnd’s mum can’t handle this situation by themselves’.

AIBU to feel really hurt? I don’t have any siblings so I tried to make this relationship work for my DD’s sake so she has cousins to spend time with. DD is also an only child due to our secondary infertility. I feel like I’ve made a major effort trying to build this relationship and actually there’s nothing there. DH says he’s so disappointed that there’s no feeling or care for our situation whatsoever. I know she’s disappointed we can’t look after her dog, but her own parents offered to look after it too and sure they wouldn’t be able to take it for ten mile walks but they are very fit and healthy and could do a lot more than us, given we are in hospital every other day. In the end she said ‘she’s sorted something out’ and has now continued to talk on the family chat like nothings happened. I feel like removing myself from the group.

I think you're getting a hard time @RoversEnd. SIL had an alternative, she just didn't want to use it. I hope your Mum is ok.

I have to say you're better than me, there's no way I would have agreed to look after a dog that jumps up and needs 10 mile walks in the first place!

YANBU to assess what you are able to do and communicate it as you did.

However, it might be a bit U to give it so much headspace, everything is solved, move on and decide later how the relationship will or won't continue.

I don't understand PPs trying to place guilt on OP for not juggling both - we don't know whether one or both are working, how old is DD, how far is the SIL's house,... And we don't need to know it, OP isn't asking how to juggle it, OP honestly evaluated that they aren't able to do the dog care in SIL's house which was the original plan, so she can't do it.
"Being pissed of because one doesn't acknowledge the reason as good enough" is part od the problem here. I suppose if one wants the totally reliable care with backups in place, they need to go proffesional route, otherwise there is always the risk that plans will change (if OP broke her own leg, it would be the same)

Why should OP have to manage both? SIL's parents have offered to have the dog, for god's sake.

“Sorry you’ve broken your leg, mum, must be awful. We’ll just shut you alone in this room for a bit while we attend to a dog that could be taken care of by literally anyone else. Scream if you need anything.”

SIL can pound sand, your mum is more important than a fucking dog.

If she doesn’t like it she can take her parents up on their offer.

Everyone who’s saying the SIL is acting like a brat or totally out of order or a selfish madam or whatever… she hasn’t actually said much wrong? OP & her DH have had to pull out of the dogsitting arrangement they agreed, that presumably they were happy to originally agree to. She’s frustrated it’s fallen through. Her IL’s aren’t suitable but now she’s sorted something else. Where’s the awful terrible behaviour there? I don’t see she’s demanded anything, she’s just said she’s disappointed her brother couldn’t still help her as agreed.

It's bizarre that people are suggesting the OP take her mother in a wheelchair to her SIL's house just so they can all look after a bloody dog. (And I love dogs.)

The SILs parents offered to do it, so that's a perfectly good solution.

OP, I would just ignore it. You SIL, whilst apparently a twat, is also probably embarrassed she made a fuss. Just do as she is doing and carry on as normal. Don't leave the group chat - you aren't 12 and you are being oversensitive. It sounds like you might be making too much of an effort with this women though, so stop that.

You said "In the end she said ‘she’s sorted something out’ and has now continued to talk on the family chat like nothings happened."

That sounds great to me - okay, so initially she was cross, but most people would be rather stressed at arrangements falling through at the last minute, and be too busy trying to solve the problem to hide that or offer sympathy for your mother. But she's found an alternative solution, and she isn't going on about it any more, so it looks like you should all be able to move on now.

JC are there really people here who think that the OP should look after her Mum and the dog?

FFS.

Yeah, I'd be gutted if id been suddenly let down like this. Sounds like you're just making excuses tbh

SIL sounds like a bitch. Don’t do anything for her ever again.

Why is she making this your responsibility? Let her go to DH for things in future.

I think her initial reaction was panic rather than anger. If I was due to go on holiday and my pet care had let me down last minute (avoidably or not) I'd be panicking too. Her reaction wasn't personal.

SIL wants OP to dogsit in SIL’s house. OP needs to take care of her mum.

SIL has other options, she’s just being a bitch.

Your SIL is being completely unreasonable. You were doing her a massive favour and now you can't as your mum needs you!

Plus her parents have offered so that's the solution. She's massively entitled to the ink you doing her a favour trumps your mum who's injured and needs care.

OP the voting reflects what sane people think. Most of the posts giving you a hard time are the usual mob of saddos who exist to pick on people on the internet.

@stuntbubbles
While the dog is hyper you can shut the door for a bit.

How frequently the dog jumps up is irrelevant - if it does that it isn't trained and that alone is a good enough reason to not take it.

Dogs jumping up on someone with their leg in cast/casing can absolutely cause problems, pain and at the least its a stressful situation for the person who is immobile.

There is an alternate option from two other healthy, able bodied carers.

Can't help wondering what the responses would be here if the SiL had been an MiL!

These two facts stand out to me, too.

I can understand the SIL panicking a bit, but if she doesn't even want the IL parents to look after the dog, then that's too bad.

YANBU.

Between this thread, the wedding thread on Thursday and the theme park thread I’m beginning to think that a lot of posters enjoy being a dick.

Sil doesn’t sound very understanding, but I can imagine the stress of being let down by your dog sitter just before a holiday.

I don’t see why you’re especially offended at her comment, because I don’t really see why you couldn’t look after your mum on your own either with DH and DD looking after the dog either. It was a fair comment.

@crabcakesalad the OP says her sister in law wants the dog to stay in its home. But the OP needs to be with her DM.

People suggesting the DH goes to stay with dog, if DH doesn’t WFH that’s not going to work for the dog

“Sorry you’ve broken your leg, mum, must be awful. We’ll just shut you alone in this room for a bit while we attend to a dog that could be taken care of by literally anyone else. Scream if you need anything.”

Aibu seems to be the place that people find any completely obvious unreasonable solution just to prove that in fact - the OP must be unreasonable 🤦‍♀️

^This

I can understand that SIL feels let down after she secured a place for her dog but there isn't much you can.

Nah stuff that. I wouldn't offer to help her out ever again. She really showed how selfish she is. Your mum comes before a bloody dog, so she can bugger offmb