Mum broke leg, now SIL furious

[RoversEnd]

So long story short my Mum broke her leg and we were meant to be dog sitting SIL’s dog this week as they are on holiday. We had to say we can’t do it as my Mum needs care. She’s on her own. I’m an only child and there is no-one else to help. We’ve got her a basic wheelchair and in cooking and caring for her. The response to this was that they are ‘furious’.

DH’s parents actually offered to look after the dog but apparently they can’t give ‘the dog what it needs’ for a week. There has been no concern for my Mum’s situation at all. SIL even said ‘I’m sorry to hear that RoversEnd and RoversEnd’s mum can’t handle this situation by themselves’.

AIBU to feel really hurt? I don’t have any siblings so I tried to make this relationship work for my DD’s sake so she has cousins to spend time with. DD is also an only child due to our secondary infertility. I feel like I’ve made a major effort trying to build this relationship and actually there’s nothing there. DH says he’s so disappointed that there’s no feeling or care for our situation whatsoever. I know she’s disappointed we can’t look after her dog, but her own parents offered to look after it too and sure they wouldn’t be able to take it for ten mile walks but they are very fit and healthy and could do a lot more than us, given we are in hospital every other day. In the end she said ‘she’s sorted something out’ and has now continued to talk on the family chat like nothings happened. I feel like removing myself from the group.

Oh go & break your leg then live in a strange house in a wheelchair with an unfamiliar dog who has not been trained not to jump on people why don't you @crabcakesalad?

Then come back & tell us all what a breeze it was for you!

And the commitment was to do that at SIL’s house, which the OP now can’t do because she’s looking after her mum. SIL wants everything on her own terms. Can’t believe the OP is having such a hard time here.

Everyone knows having a pet makes holidaying difficult. She shouldn’t have got a dog if she couldn’t cope with the stress of arranging care for it without relying on family who have their own lives.

Jesus christ, some of the responses on here! 🙄

it's stressful looking after a dog when you're not used to having one. And then looking after your mum too.

I'm sorry OP, she sounds horrible. I'd be distancing myself after this. It's shit though when you thought you had a good relationship with her.

It’s too much to expect her to be empathetic for your situation if she’s panicking about who’s going to look after the dog though… if she’s been nasty to you then leave the chat. But if she has just lacked empathy for you then I’d stay in the chat and just know that she’s stressed.

THE OP HAS A HUSBAND

i don’t understand why everyone seems to think that the op is being expected to do all this in her own.

the issue is that the op won’t look after her mother without her husband. So her husband can’t go to look after the dog.

I don’t understand why everyone is saying you should still have the dog, a very active dog who may be particularly excitable being with different people, around your mother with a broken leg- sounds like a recipe for disaster. Especially when she has other people happy to look after the dog.
she sounds very rude.

I'm starting to think the heat is turning some people mad.

And many others. There's a lot of it about at the mo.

What the hell is wrong with some of you??? SIL's parents have offered to look after the dog, so why can't that happen? Honestly, what a bunch of unpleasant people you are. You are not being unreasonable at all OP, and your SIL sounds like a nightmare. I would be keeping well away from her in future - and wouldn't be offering to look after her dog ever again.

I agree with this, cut SIL some slack that she just spoke in haste because her plans all looked like they were about to fall through and a broken leg doesn’t sound like a life threatening emergency. But she sorted something else out and probably wants to move on!

Oh and I would never be involved in her dog care again.

Ever.

@Onandupw and if the DH has to go to work how does he look after the dog?

I think you're making a bit of a fuss 9ver nothing. She has arranged an alrernat9ve and is ove rit and carryongnon like nothing happened so get over it and move it.

I think people are confusing “doing a favour” with “making a commitment”. The SIL has made the commitment by getting the dog and it’s down to her to arrange care. The OP was doing a favour and if she can no longer do it then the burden of responsibility doesn’t fall on her.

I can't decide whether this dog is 'Cujo' or made of fucking diamonds, but the idea that it can't be left with an adult couple prepared to have it, and who are in fact SiL's own parents, is beyond ridiculous.

I have recently had my dog boarding cancelled at short notice. Yes, it is extremely stressful and I was very upset and panicking. I can still understand that looking after a person who is unexpectedly in a wheelchair in an unfamiliar house would be impossible.

The dog didn't need to be "ferried off to kennels", the PIL had said they would look after it. This was apparently not acceptable.

If I'd just broken my leg, I'd be feeling pretty miserable and fed up. The last thing I'd want to do is decamp to my daughters husbands sisters house for an extended stay. A house she probably doesn't know, and when you're hurt/ill, you want to be around your own comforts.

I can understand why SIL was annoyed though. It's always annoying when plans fall through last minute.

The goady posters are the ones suggesting big family fall-outs.
DH broke his leg recently. It's not oneruous to care for someone with a broken leg. Some of us have to do it whilst working and looking after DCs and dogs. 🙄

and the SIL HAS PARENTS.

the issue is that the SIL is being overly precious about her dog and won't let it stay with her own parents.

OP I’m with you . When something like these happens your mum is priority . Don’t you u worry . Hope your mum makes a speedy recovery .

Your DH might be younger than the OP's mother.
Was he in a wheelchair?
The dogs are yours, in your own home. Not the same at all.

Why can’t DH go to his sisters as planned
and you look after your mum?

Your mum can sleep in your bed whilst you sleep on the sofa and she’ll feel much more comfortable if it’s just you there.
Or you can stay at hers if it’s easier.

It sounds like it has worked out better for everyone.

I can't believe all the replies to the saying they can't understand why you can't have the dog as well. Bizarre. Your focus is understandably on your DM and having a dog on top of that would be too much. It's not like she didn't have other options like your DH's parents.

Your SIL sounds deeply selfish, if anyone should be furious it's you at her lack of concern about your DM. I know you want to keep the peace but maybe in this case you do need to say something otherwise this pattern of behaviour will continue. I hope your DM feels better soon.

Was he in a wheelchair, needing help with washing, toileting etc?

your dogs are yours. OP offered to help someone with their dog, and unfortunately, something major occurred which means she can't.