Page 16 | Mum broke leg, now SIL furious

RoversEnd · 2022-08-13T08:14:08+00:00

So long story short my Mum broke her leg and we were meant to be dog sitting SIL’s dog this week as they are on holiday. We had to say we can’t do it as my Mum needs care. She’s on her own. I’m an only child and there is no-one else to help. We’ve got her a basic wheelchair and in cooking and caring for her. The response to this was that they are ‘furious’. DH’s parents actually offered to look after the dog but apparently they can’t give ‘the dog what it needs’ for a week. There has been no concern for my Mum’s situation at all. SIL even said ‘I’m sorry to hear that RoversEnd and RoversEnd’s mum can’t handle this situation by themselves’. AIBU to feel really hurt? I don’t have any siblings so I tried to make this relationship work for my DD’s sake so she has cousins to spend time with. DD is also an only child due to our secondary infertility. I feel like I’ve made a major effort trying to build this relationship and actually there’s nothing there. DH says he’s so disappointed that there’s no feeling or care for our situation whatsoever. I know she’s disappointed we can’t look after her dog, but her own parents offered to look after it too and sure they wouldn’t be able to take it for ten mile walks but they are very fit and healthy and could do a lot more than us, given we are in hospital every other day. In the end she said ‘she’s sorted something out’ and has now continued to talk on the family chat like nothings happened. I feel like removing myself from the group.

Livpool · 13/08/2022 17:54

User135792468 · 13/08/2022 11:38

@toomuchlaundry Nope, just someone who sticks to plans if they are agreed in advance. I’m also someone who can multitask and can work as a team with my Dh.

But IP has offered to look after the dog at her house. That is not acceptable.

PIL offered to look after the dog. That is is not acceptable.

I'd be telling SIL to piss off.
So many pet owners are so weird about their animals. It's a dog - it can be looked after anywhere

WhimsicalGubbins · 13/08/2022 17:59

User135792468 · 13/08/2022 11:30

I’m not surprised they’re annoyed. You cancelled the week they’re going and it’s hard to find someone trustworthy last minute. There is absolutely no reason you can’t look after the dog at the same time. There are 2 functioning adults in the house and your mum with a broken leg who may need a bit more help. Get a grip, it’s hardly difficult!! To say you are unable to cope makes you sound like a drip.

What a complete clown you are.
Read all OPs posts before commenting utter bollocks you nasty POS.

Your life must be depressingly screwed up if the only kicks you get are anonymously posting vitriol at strangers.
Take your meds and pop off to bed

ddl1 · 13/08/2022 18:37

DixonD · 13/08/2022 13:54

I voted YABU as I couldn’t see why this meant you couldn’t have the dog, and it’s very short notice to back out.

But, that doesn’t take away from the fact that she’s being a bit of a cow about it.

She could have the dog and offered to do so- but SIL doesn't want that; she wants the OP and her DH to move to her house for the week to look after the dog there. Which is very difficult when looking after an 80-year-old in a wheelchair who needs frequent hospital appointments. Either the dog is unusually problematic, or SIL exceptionally unwilling to compromise on anything. And frankly if either is the case, the SIL should have chosen a holiday, where the dog could accompany her, rather than try to force her brother and family to make unlimited sacrifices, and include a sick 80-year-old in these sacrifices.

KettrickenSmiled · 13/08/2022 18:48

AlexandriasWindmill · 13/08/2022 14:09

Nobody put an old lady below a dog. The two situations weren't in competition until the OP made them so. It was perfectly possible to keep their commitment to SIL and look after OP's DM. I do wonder where all these posters come from who are incapable of coping with one commitment at a time.

Pompous AND unable to RTFT - double whammy!

OP never told SiL that she would no longer look after the dog @AlexandriasWindmill. She offered to keep her commitment by taking the dog in to her own home - despite it not being trained not to jump on people & her having an elderly woman with a broken leg to care for.

She did that so that she could cope with 2 commitments at one time - looking after the dog, & caring for her mother, including driving her to hospital every other day.

SiL refused OP's offer.
So it is SiL who put them in competition.
And had the gall to express she was "furious" on the family whatsapp.
Not the common decency to ask after OP's poor mum though.

All these PP having a go at either have reading comprehension difficulties, or are entitled brats themselves.

Aprilx · 13/08/2022 19:34

DangerouslyBored · 13/08/2022 16:19

I would rather not go on holiday than put my dogs through the trauma of boarding. Highly
doubt your dog ‘loved’ it. Boarding goes against everything that makes a dog feel secure and loved.

Show quote history

My dogs definitely love going to kennels, I am sure they would rather be with us, but they do enjoy it there. When we get out of the car (the kennels are at a farm) they go bounding over the little office to see the owner and then they happily trot off on over to the actual kennels and enter their room.

All that said, it is pretty annoying for people to be repeatedly saying this, as if anyone could organise a kennel stay at this short notice during school holidays! I would say little to no chance.

sweatervest · 13/08/2022 19:41

a friend broke her leg recently and no way could she have been in the house if the dog was there too. it's a massive adjustment with crutches/pain/trauma/other things etc etc.

especially since your mum did it so recently. sil will have to go to her plan b and i hope your mum gets better soon.

Thornethorn · 13/08/2022 23:12

can't believe the tone of so many responses on here and shows that many have never needed to care for another person with significant health issues

Yes. So many posters who simply have no clue and couldn't care less either. The OP was incredibly kind to offer to have the dog to stay at her house but the same posters couldn't be bothered to read the thread well enough to pick up on that point. I wonder if these are the same posters who use their parents for free child care and complain when their directions aren't followed to the letter.

kateandme · 14/08/2022 12:37

RoversEnd · 13/08/2022 12:56

@Hangingoninthere88 Thank you for this advice. I am an overthinker and the last week has had me not sleeping at all so I’m pretty emotional. 👍

I guess I’m just feeling overwhelmed. I’m scared about my Mums health. I’m scared I’m going to lose her, I know this is ‘just a broken leg’ but with her health complications it’s got me worried sick. I guess this fall has made me realise her age. She’s my best friend other than DH, always has been.

I am just going to forget about building and kind of relationship with SIL now. It’ll be cordial only. Im just concentrating on my Mum, DH and DD.

I can't say how long yoyr mum will be around op,let's not be stupid and miss her age and act like it will be aaages. But she has broken her leg for now.try not to let your thoughts spiral.you will ruminate on it and catastrophic until you miss time with her.or make yourself sick.or not be emotionally ok.which I think you are getting to now.
Sounds like at times you've felt very alone.or aware you easily could be.im so sorry for that.to feel alone is one of the hardest feelings.
But firstly you sil isn't worth it if she is making you feel like this.but I think that's part of the reason you crave her love so much.you want her to love and accept you.shpw you your worthy of more people in your life to care of you.ansvthats ok.ots a very real way of coping and or equating love.
But this isn't and w/o t be love.not on proper terms.and your seeking it from the wrong woman here.leave her be.
As soon as u let go of the need for her to like you so much weight would be lifts from you.ao much pressure and u could just focus then on being uniquely you! Because u won't try to mould yourself to be loveable.samr for anyone.
Go out there make friends.even a friend in the taxi driver as you smile at him.make moments where genuine people genuinely regard you.
Be you and that is enough.
For WHATEVET reason dog sitting couldn t happen.its shit but you didn't do it to spite. And u came up with solutions so.let.her.go. You don't need to appease her to make yourself worthy again.
Look after your mum.
Have a rest please.
Could you have an afternoon of rest?where dh takes kids and duties off you if u tell him things have gotten too much.
Talk to your mum too tell her how your feeling.
Go sit in a park with her.watch tv.sit silently.juar be with her.focus on that.jyst time you have.
Get your dc to have friends round.rhey can be whole and surrounded by people that doesn't have to come from cousins
Make your own path op.
You don't have to be alone.but spiralling with these current thought a will too old you and make you so.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 14/08/2022 12:55

Thornethorn · 13/08/2022 23:12

can't believe the tone of so many responses on here and shows that many have never needed to care for another person with significant health issues

Yes. So many posters who simply have no clue and couldn't care less either. The OP was incredibly kind to offer to have the dog to stay at her house but the same posters couldn't be bothered to read the thread well enough to pick up on that point. I wonder if these are the same posters who use their parents for free child care and complain when their directions aren't followed to the letter.

It's entitlement. They feel because they treat their pets as children, everyone else should. In reality, a pet comes below a human and especially one who is in need of assistance. Looking after a person who needs assistance is really hard and the main priority is helping that person.

LuckySantangelo35 · 14/08/2022 13:28

@AlexandriasWindmill

Dogs are like children.

get a grip

LuckySantangelo35 · 14/08/2022 13:30

KENNELS
KENNELS
KENNELS

or…..SIL can miss her holiday and stay home if the precious dog means that much to her. It would be a shame for her to miss out but oh well 🤷‍♀️

Original poster

RoversEnd · 14/08/2022 14:13

@kateandme Thank you for this message. I really appreciate your kindness and time to respond and understand so much. You make a lot of good points and I will be trying to take your advice x x x

OP posts:

billy1966 · 14/08/2022 14:30

sweatervest · 13/08/2022 19:41

a friend broke her leg recently and no way could she have been in the house if the dog was there too. it's a massive adjustment with crutches/pain/trauma/other things etc etc.

especially since your mum did it so recently. sil will have to go to her plan b and i hope your mum gets better soon.

A bad ankle sprain could have you completely out of action in your 30's as it did me.
A broken leg in your 80's is very hard.

You sound so lovely OP.
I hope you mind yourself.

kateandme · 15/08/2022 05:02

RoversEnd · 14/08/2022 14:13

@kateandme Thank you for this message. I really appreciate your kindness and time to respond and understand so much. You make a lot of good points and I will be trying to take your advice x x x

You've always got a supportive ear here.xx

PrettyasaPainting · 15/08/2022 07:02

I probably wouldn't voice it but it would make things very difficult for us if someone had offered to have my dog and then backed out at the last minute. I simply don't have a list of people to take him and boarders book up months in advance.
My dog is pretty active, but nothing that couldn't be fixed by a well placed child safety gate.
Dogs aren't active every second of the day. If it was me offering to look after the dog I'd do my best to work round it, sorry.

Dwrcegin · 15/08/2022 07:12

PrettyasaPainting · 15/08/2022 07:02

I probably wouldn't voice it but it would make things very difficult for us if someone had offered to have my dog and then backed out at the last minute. I simply don't have a list of people to take him and boarders book up months in advance.
My dog is pretty active, but nothing that couldn't be fixed by a well placed child safety gate.
Dogs aren't active every second of the day. If it was me offering to look after the dog I'd do my best to work round it, sorry.

OP did offer to have the dog at her own house. SIL said no.
SIL parents offered to have the dog. SIL said no.

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/08/2022 07:27

PrettyasaPainting · 15/08/2022 07:02

I probably wouldn't voice it but it would make things very difficult for us if someone had offered to have my dog and then backed out at the last minute. I simply don't have a list of people to take him and boarders book up months in advance.
My dog is pretty active, but nothing that couldn't be fixed by a well placed child safety gate.
Dogs aren't active every second of the day. If it was me offering to look after the dog I'd do my best to work round it, sorry.

@PrettyasaPainting

well when you do get offers from people willing to look after dog like in this case sil’s parents have offered and op has offered to have dog at her house then you really can’t be that picky

sil wants her dog to be OP’s priority. Op is rightly saying her mom is her priority.

a dog is a dog. Nowhere near as important as a human

KettrickenSmiled · 15/08/2022 11:30

PrettyasaPainting · 15/08/2022 07:02

I probably wouldn't voice it but it would make things very difficult for us if someone had offered to have my dog and then backed out at the last minute. I simply don't have a list of people to take him and boarders book up months in advance.
My dog is pretty active, but nothing that couldn't be fixed by a well placed child safety gate.
Dogs aren't active every second of the day. If it was me offering to look after the dog I'd do my best to work round it, sorry.

OP did do her best to work round it @PrettyasaPainting

You need to read her updates, sorry.
It's not her fault that SiL refused her offer to have the dog anyway, despite her mum's broken leg & every-other-day hospital visits.