Page 12 | To think my husband is taking the piss?!?

Summer1980US · 2022-08-12T09:31:08+00:00

I’m interested to hear how other mums and partners manage childcare. Currently I do the bulk of childcare while my DH is off playing golf most weekends. We both work full time. My husband has a busy job and leaves the house at 530am and is back about 630pm. This leaves me to get the DDs(1 and 3) ready for crèche and do drop off and collection every day. DDs go to bed at 7/730 so DH has limited interaction with kids during the week. At the weekend he leaves for golf on Saturday at 7am and comes back at 2pm. After this he usually requires a nap. He spends some time with DDs between 4-7. Sundays are usually better and he is only away for a couple of hours in the morning. He does spent a couple of hours quality time with the kids on a Sunday. I’m so exhausted and overwhelmed from being the main caregiver. I know men are generally less involved with DD, but at this stage I feel like he is really taking the piss!!

FixTheBone · 13/08/2022 23:07

You need to alternate weekends, each of you signs get the same amount of me time.

wingsanddreams · 13/08/2022 23:14

Sign up a gym membership / yoga class / dance class, arrange coffee mornings with friends / other family members, etc. You need to spend time alone.

chatterbug22 · 13/08/2022 23:56

That doesn’t sound fair at all, have you spoken to him? Could he go once or twice a month instead?

MammaBearx5 · 14/08/2022 05:42

Sorry but why even bother having kids?? You both seem to really want away from them. Poor kids are at creche 5 days a week and a baby sitter on a Sunday?? Seriously???? What sort of memories will your kids have growing up being constantly outsourced? Family time to the park once every few months is pathetic. All sounds like a very disjointed half baked family and you are both more interested in "me time" than quality time with your poor children?? And yes time for yourself is nice now and again but not necessarily every week!! You gave up that entitlement when you chose to have kids they should come first now!! .... Sad for kids growing up like this. Time to have a look at yourselves imo and sounds like ur husband especially needs to focus on what his priorities are big time (what does he even do on a Sunday???🙄) then maybe you can both actually enjoy time with your kids and the "family" you created!
I saw that you don't know how to roll it back - you need to let him know that his lifestyle is that of a single man not that of a father of 2 and it needs to change immediately - book the kids in for classes, swimming, gymnastics whatever on Saturday/ Sunday mornings and make them your focus. I'm sure it would mean the world to them doing something with both parents watching and cheering them on!!

NannaKaren · 14/08/2022 06:25

I have no words except (!) leave the lazy bastard … but seriously sit down with him and take no shit - golf once a month and you need time too on your own and or with friends, and do things together with your little ones !

sassyclassyandsmartassy · 14/08/2022 07:25

My husband is a golf professional. We have his SS every other weekend. My husband hardly ever plays golf on any weekend (I am usually talking him into doing so with his friends now and again!) and, when he met me and subsequently married me, he changed his job and his hours to make sure he could spend as much time with me and SS11 as possible and still does 10 years later.

Bottom line is that if you and your children were important to him, playing golf every weekend would be far less important to him and being with his family would be.

anglesee · 14/08/2022 08:39

Er what happens when you need hair done
Appointments
Do you ever see friends?

It's time to sit down and read him the riot act

Golf once a month. Not once a week
Saturday he takes the kids out
Sunday family day

He is taking the piss. He knows how hard parenting is. He hides behind work

anglesee · 14/08/2022 08:40

It's time to go back to work OP

anglesee · 14/08/2022 08:44

The deluded man thinks he is lord of the 1920s manor doesn't he

Special t Sunday alone time with his wife when the hired help take his kids to the park

Urgh
Ick

ASimpleLampoon · 14/08/2022 08:52

PattyMelt · 12/08/2022 10:34

Time for you to have child free plans on a weekend. Leaving at 7am and coming home late.
He needs to step up and do some parenting too.

Yes. But leave at 6 before he has a chance

NewMoney1000000 · 14/08/2022 09:06

anglesee · Today 08:40
It's time to go back to work OP
The OP works full time.

Fudgemonkeys · 14/08/2022 09:42

Agree with others taking the mick. Has made me realise how good my hubby was.

eastegg · 14/08/2022 10:04

anglesee · 14/08/2022 08:40

It's time to go back to work OP

OP works full time.

AmberMcAmber · 14/08/2022 10:08

Not only is he taking the piss (obvi work can’t always be changed but has he even tried to adopt more family friendly hours????)- but furthermore he is leaving an impression on your DC’s that this is what a ‘dad’ is and how husbands are with their wives.
it’s not on him to fix all societies ills but he should be cutting back on the golf- surely he realises you are entitled to a weekend too??

as many others have said, I’d make myself unavailable for a weekend (get a group on deal of something for local spa weekend on the cheap), and then try to do something every other weekend until he gets it - it can also be an activity for all 4 of you, once you’ve had at least 1 weekend off that is

Pinkfluff76 · 14/08/2022 10:25

Sounds horrendous, I don’t know how you cope physically, but possibly more importantly mentally by being so let down. And what on earth does he do on a Sunday morning too?? You say it’s not so bad as it’s just a couple of hours but he shouldn’t be going anywhere!!

Peony26 · 14/08/2022 10:40

You need to sit him down and tell him how you’re feeling! And you are completely justified in how you are feeling, and you shouldn’t have to be telling him that he’s scrimping on his responsibilities but however you’ve both got here it’s happened and there’s no point in being resentful about it, it will be your undoing, talk to him, agree to what you expect from each other for a better balance and try to move forward. Hopefully he will step up when he sees how it’s making you feel and things will get better. Working hours are what they are and it is important to both have your own time, but it’s also really important to have family time. Me and my husband had completely different ideas of what the weekends are at one point I wanted a lot of work done in our home and he wanted days out/ weekends away, it was causing a lot of squabbles in the mornings trying to decide last minute and neither wanting to do what the other wanted so we have now compromised, one day for the house and one was a family day out, we got English heritage and national trust subscriptions and off we go exploring. Or if life gets in the way we do it on opposite weekends etc. We try to squash in our own things on the evenings so it doesn’t invade our weekends, and on evenings that we’re both home we share everything so the kids are in bed and we sit and talk/ watch tv etc generally just sit together and have a cuddle on the sofa, we’ve had ups and downs but been together 20 years and are both happy, life changes throughout the years but you have to talk, respect each other and be kind to one another! Good luck

Scoobydoobydo · 14/08/2022 11:38

So many are quick to say yes he is taking the piss!

I only think he is taking the piss if he is aware that you are unhappy with this arrangement.
If you have never spoken up how is he to know?
He may think you are quite content with the situation?

You have a lot on your plate and perhaps need to have a sit down with him and say how you are feeling? Then if nothing changes.......you will have to make it change!

KettrickenSmiled · 14/08/2022 12:06

anglesee · 14/08/2022 08:40

It's time to go back to work OP

OP works full time.

She says so right there in her first post.

KettrickenSmiled · 14/08/2022 12:09

Scoobydoobydo · 14/08/2022 11:38

So many are quick to say yes he is taking the piss!

I only think he is taking the piss if he is aware that you are unhappy with this arrangement.
If you have never spoken up how is he to know?
He may think you are quite content with the situation?

You have a lot on your plate and perhaps need to have a sit down with him and say how you are feeling? Then if nothing changes.......you will have to make it change!

Yeah - men are incapable of perceiving their responsibilities to the children they fathered & the house they live in until women point it out to them ...

He knows damn well he has no time for the kids & is lettiong them, & his wife down.

All these PP's giving it the "sit him down & talk" as if they imagine OP hasn't talked herself blue in the face about the unfairness & his neglect ... talking to him will make no odds. A man this imperviously selfish won't give a shit that his wife is unhappy & his kids never see him.

trixie1970 · 14/08/2022 12:23

I'm sorry OP and I might make myself unpopular with this response but here goes....

I can see your pov and think you should speak to him and tell him how you're feeling but I also think as your husband works long hours he is entitled to a bit of free time to do things at the weekends. Plus golf is tiring (I used to play a lot of golf) and so is working long hours.

I was in a similar situation with my retired husband. I worked long hours and wanted to do my own thing on Saturdays which left my husband to look after the dog (okay, not exactly the same thing but dog has separation anxiety so can't be left on his own). Husband used to moan at me about it but I felt as I was the only earner and paying most of the bills including all the mortgage and doing all the housework, I was quite within my rights to have a day when I went out and did my own thing to unwind.

Your resentment could ruin your marriage. Speak to your husband and tell him how you're feeling. See if you can have some space for yourself. Communication is key with this situation, like anything in a marriage.

Sending hugs xx

Plumnora · 14/08/2022 12:27

He is massively taking the piss. Why do men believe their time is so much more valuable? It doesn’t help that you appear to believe it’s normal for men to be less involved in their young children’s lives.
If you were to announce that you were going out to spend the day alone, how would he react? Other than being a bit annoyed about it being short notice would he be ok? Or would he fly into a rage?
I knew I had a huge problem when DD was tiny and I said to my ( now ex) husband he’d have to stay with her a while as I needed to pop out and do something. I may as well have asked him to chop a limb off. He flew into a rage, throwing things, calling me a selfish bitch because he’d made plans, and saying he couldn’t “babysit” his daughter. Which she heard before she burst into tears.
This was the first time I hadn’t “pre booked” his precious time and it hammered home just how out of balance we were. We split a few weeks after although this wasn’t the main catalyst, it was just another incident in a long, long line and that was us. But you do need to have a conversation, sooner rather than later.

Goldbar · 14/08/2022 12:28

trixie1970 · 14/08/2022 12:23

I'm sorry OP and I might make myself unpopular with this response but here goes....

I can see your pov and think you should speak to him and tell him how you're feeling but I also think as your husband works long hours he is entitled to a bit of free time to do things at the weekends. Plus golf is tiring (I used to play a lot of golf) and so is working long hours.

I was in a similar situation with my retired husband. I worked long hours and wanted to do my own thing on Saturdays which left my husband to look after the dog (okay, not exactly the same thing but dog has separation anxiety so can't be left on his own). Husband used to moan at me about it but I felt as I was the only earner and paying most of the bills including all the mortgage and doing all the housework, I was quite within my rights to have a day when I went out and did my own thing to unwind.

Your resentment could ruin your marriage. Speak to your husband and tell him how you're feeling. See if you can have some space for yourself. Communication is key with this situation, like anything in a marriage.

Sending hugs xx

But the OP's husband is not the only earner - she works full-time too. And your husband could always have refused to care for the dog (and the dog could have been rehomed). Much harder to rehome your children. So actually not a comparable situation at all.

Orangello · 14/08/2022 13:06

Having a non-earning spouse who also doesn't do any housework resentful that he needs to occasionally look after a dog is not remotely comparable. OP works. OP does the housework. When is her time off? Not to mention that children might want to spend more than 2 hours per week with the other parent.

Plumnora · 14/08/2022 16:06

Seriously?? Are you for real!? It must be lovely to have the option of not having to work and crèche is only a few hours a day. The OP gets the kids up and spends pretty much every spare minute she has with them… in case you hadn’t realised the cost of living is continuing to rise and people need to work. Not to mention a woman might actually enjoy her career. As a single parent I have to work full time in a very demanding job. I get no break but if I stop work, we lose the house. Stop with the judgemental tone.

Plumnora · 14/08/2022 16:22

MammaBearx5 · 14/08/2022 05:42

Sorry but why even bother having kids?? You both seem to really want away from them. Poor kids are at creche 5 days a week and a baby sitter on a Sunday?? Seriously???? What sort of memories will your kids have growing up being constantly outsourced? Family time to the park once every few months is pathetic. All sounds like a very disjointed half baked family and you are both more interested in "me time" than quality time with your poor children?? And yes time for yourself is nice now and again but not necessarily every week!! You gave up that entitlement when you chose to have kids they should come first now!! .... Sad for kids growing up like this. Time to have a look at yourselves imo and sounds like ur husband especially needs to focus on what his priorities are big time (what does he even do on a Sunday???🙄) then maybe you can both actually enjoy time with your kids and the "family" you created!
I saw that you don't know how to roll it back - you need to let him know that his lifestyle is that of a single man not that of a father of 2 and it needs to change immediately - book the kids in for classes, swimming, gymnastics whatever on Saturday/ Sunday mornings and make them your focus. I'm sure it would mean the world to them doing something with both parents watching and cheering them on!!

Sorry my reply above was in response to this! In my haste I forgot to quote.