Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Porn culture has led to women suffering injuries during sex

890 replies

Doyoumind · 12/08/2022 10:01

Apart from all the violence etc porn portrays as normal, anal sex is definitely treated as an everyday thing that women enjoy. I don't personally. I know some women claim they do but I've certainly known men who pressure for it and I'm guessing it's only got worse in the years since I was dating.

This article suggests women are unknowingly entering into something that can cause serious injuries.

www.theguardian.com/society/2022/aug/11/rise-in-popularity-of-anal-sex-has-led-to-health-problems-for-women

OP posts:
Quincythequince · 13/08/2022 19:28

excitingusername · 13/08/2022 19:15

@Quincythequince Bringing gay men into the conversation derails the needs of women to talk about their experiences. Male sexuality should absolutely not get in the way of the rights of women and girls to object to/dislike and have concerns about a coercive culture of anal sex.

Please read why I stated that.

It was a blanket statement that women can’t possibly enjoy anal sex.

Why is it only women that can’t enjoy anal sex, when plenty of men do.

I think we are talking to the same point.

There aren’t and shouldn’t be different views on this for women. Safety information provided, sure! But to suggest that no woman can ever enjoy this (but make no mention of the fact that no men, nor indeed no person can ever enjoy this) is not on.

And anyone can refuse to to this. Of course. That wasn’t the point of my post.

sunglassesonthetable · 13/08/2022 19:45

That was confusing 😁

FreudayNight · 13/08/2022 19:47

I think there's a lot of projection going on on this thread from women who don't want to imagine that they're not as sexually liberated as they think they are.

bad women, not cool enough for your gang, and therefore ignorable.

same ol’ misogyny

sunglassesonthetable · 13/08/2022 20:01

I think there's a lot of projection going on on this thread from women who don't want to imagine that they're not as sexually liberated as they think they are.

I don't think this was so aimed at who you think it is @FreudayNight 😁

jacks11 · 13/08/2022 20:59

I think some of the posters so vehemently against anal sex or any education about it do need to take a step back and consider the fact that more people (male and female) are aware of/practice (as in, engage in- not as in “do it lots to improve your skills”, which some posters seem to have misunderstood from a previous post) and you can’t put that genie back in the bottle. It’s there, they know about and human nature being what it is, they are curious. Making it taboo/ shameful/ something you should not talk about is not the answer and it certainly won’t protect women.

Education is key. Education about all aspects, including consent and coercion, including the issues relating to porn and how that is impacting on the idea of what “normal sex” is like. If there is no education is available as to the risks of things like anal injury, incontinence etc, then how will anyone know there IS a risk? Plenty of people (male and female) don’t and many also don’t know about safer ways to have anal sex, if they want to.

I think it is probably worthwhile considering that there are also quite a large number of men AND women who are unaware of the risks, as well as the ways to mitigate that risk. So it’s not like all men know the risks but chose to hide it from women- ignorance is on both sides here. It’s also not the case that all men know the risks and still want to do it despite those risks to their partner or without taking time to learn about how to do it safely.

A blanket “don’t have anal sex it’s dangerous/ disgusting etc” won’t change a single thing, other than seeking to shame those who do engage in it, making it far less likely that those people will seek help or advice about what they are doing or if something goes wrong. Those who advocate this approach “because they care about women” are misguided in their approach. It will cause harm. It’s a bit like (not exactly like, obviously) telling people not to have sex before marriage because it was sinful, but with no sex education provision. Sex before marriage still happened and the treatment those who did often received when found out (e.g, through pregnancy etc) was awful. It caused so much harm. Just telling people don’t do it, it’s bad for you etc won’t stop it happening. It really won’t- it’s not like anal sex is a new invention, porn has just made it more “mainstream”- you can educate about risks, but I doubt it’s going to stop it happening. So the only correct thing to do is provide very clear education regarding the risks and potential consequences, but also provide information about how it can be done more safely (though being clear this reduces risk rather than eliminating it).

There is clearly a huge issue regarding consent when men are penetrating women anally without asking and coercion is another common consent issue, both need significant input at an educational level, but also at enforcement/policing and societal level.

I think we need education on all of these things. Providing this is not “promoting anal sex”- it is about giving everyone the information they need in order to make the right decision for them, giving them the confidence to say “no” if it’s not for them and highlighting issues relating to consent and coercion. And yes, also providing information about the safest way to have anal sex, if that is their choice.

TullyApplebottom · 13/08/2022 22:46

ClaroNormale · 13/08/2022 11:16

Bum Sex Brigade are like vegans

Love this!

Only more boring.

TullyApplebottom · 13/08/2022 22:52

Twawmyarse · 13/08/2022 18:03

What do you not understand about anal sex needing extra work to make it enjoyable

Isn't the "needing extra work" telling you it's probably something that our bodies are not designed to do though?

A vagina gets lubricated when a woman is aroused coz that's where the penis is meant to go.

Christ, this is basic stuff.

I mean, it’s just mind blowing. A sex act which risks harm, which you have to “work” to get yourself ready for. And we are supposed to be educating our daughters in how to do this “safely”.
Fuck right off with that. A man wants to stick his dick up your bum, risking hurting you? you should be asking what the fuck is wrong with him, not how you can meet his demands while minimising ( note not removing) the risk to yourself.

Justasec321 · 14/08/2022 04:43

TomAllenWife · 12/08/2022 12:32

Me & DP like it.
Not all the time, maybe once a month

I had been warned by a gay friend about the risks for women so I'm very mindful of that

People should be able to choose their sexual practices and not feel shamed (like on this thread)
If there are 2 consenting adults who enjoy it then MYOB

I don’t understand the constant refrain of « women should not be shamed ».

i have not read one post that shames.

all day women need to know the full impact on their bodies both now and in the long term.

why the push back?

TullyApplebottom · 14/08/2022 07:48

It’s part of a wider culture that is consistently placing adult (especially adult male) interests ahead of those of children and young people. The grown ups don’t want to hear that what they want to do might be a bit stupid. So they want to control the way it is discussed and minimise the risk aspects.
and they can fuck off, frankly

sunglassesonthetable · 14/08/2022 08:06

i have not read one post that shames.
Read again

It’s part of a wider culture that is consistently placing adult (especially adult male) interests ahead of those of children and young people. The grown ups don’t want to hear that what they want to do might be a bit stupid. So they want to control the way it is discussed and minimise the risk aspects.
and they can fuck off, frankly

Bollox but crack on

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 14/08/2022 08:08

TullyApplebottom · 13/08/2022 22:46

Only more boring.

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps

Bum Sex Brigade are like vegans. (preaching and judging and trying to convert people...)

@ClaroNormale

Love this!

Grin

@TullyApplebottom

Bum Sex brigade are like vegans.

Only more boring.

😂😂😂

Made my day that has, and it's only just gone 8am, and I am off to the beach in half hour. Just coming on here with my brekkie. Have a good day everyone! Smile

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 14/08/2022 08:09

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps

Bum Sex Brigade are like vegans. (preaching and judging and trying to convert people...)

@ClaroNormale

Love this!

Grin

@TullyApplebottom

Bum Sex brigade are like vegans.

Only more boring.

😂😂😂

Made my day that has, and it's only just gone 8am, and I am off to the beach in half hour. Just coming on here with my brekkie. Have a good day everyone! Smile

sunglassesonthetable · 14/08/2022 09:09

Wanting to protect and educate women and young women in particular around the risks of anal sex, coercion, consent and just only doing what they want to do. Being horrified by the rolling sea of porn that is wrongly 'educating' and normalising more niche sex acts like anal sex is not. fucking mutually. exclusive with not wanting to openly put down and shame women on a random internet forum.

But some posters can't wrap their heads around that.

sunglassesonthetable · 14/08/2022 09:11

Off for a swim have a good day

gnilliwdog · 14/08/2022 12:36

The education required doesn't seem too complex though. Posters on here have 'made it work for them.' They don't seem to have needed specialised training or 7 months in a mountain retreat to prepare themselves mentally. I suggest a billboard and advertising campaign nationwide. It could say 'anal sex is dangerous for women and could result in permanent injury. If you really want to do it use a lot of lube and go slow.' You might want to add a sentence or two but I think that's the gist. Issues of porn, consent, coercion and boundaries are covered in school, we could improve that of course. Frankly the safer methods are not rocket science. I would suggest if a woman is injured from this practice it's most likely because her partner didn't give a toss about her, rather than because they had not been educated on the finer details.

TullyApplebottom · 14/08/2022 13:34

I heard someone say this a while ago: bollocks to consent. You should be looking for enthusiasm.
of course, if men held themselves to that standard, there would get fewer of their demands met. And we couldn’t have that, could we? That would never do

HRTQueen · 14/08/2022 13:36

Unfortunately the advice is far more geared towards anal is great if done correctly

this is in women’s publications that are often aimed at very young women and teenagers

with little reference if any at all of the dangers. In the cosmopolitan article I read it even claimed a little blood is nothing to be concerned about

this is shocking and disgusting this is how porn and male enjoyment is the leading the narrative around sec and sec acts

It’s very concerning it’s terribly sad for young people today and it is absolutely linked to the degrading and aggression towards women that is in mainstream porn

gnilliwdog · 14/08/2022 13:56

@HRTQueen I agree. I have seen an article written by a woman encouraging women to try this. The attitude seemed to be - this is a fun new thing you can do in your sex life and any 'liberated; woman should give it a go. I also got really annoyed with Fleabag for making it seem the sort of casual thing a cool, modern woman might do. There was something really off about that show. I am sure there were some scenes that seemed sympathetic to a man who sexually harassed women. I suppose I favour a stark campaign highlighting the truth to women - it's dangerous. Because some people insist couples who want to try this need 'educating' I am pointing out there is very little they need to know. In fact it would fit on a billboard.

gnilliwdog · 14/08/2022 13:59

@TullyApplebottom Absolutely. Maybe consent is the wrong word. It's not enough that someone agrees to something, maybe under duress or pressure.

picklemewalnuts · 14/08/2022 14:52

I'm really sad. I've been misreading Tully's name. I thought she was TuffyAppleBottom. Much more appropriate for the thread.

TullyApplebottom · 14/08/2022 14:53

Not a Blackadder fan, eh?

AdamRyan · 14/08/2022 15:06

It could say 'anal sex is dangerous for women and could result in permanent injury. If you really want to do it use a lot of lube and go slow.'

Yep. I think in school it would also be useful to point out most women don't find it pleasurable, to make it clear that it's not weird to not try it.

picklemewalnuts · 14/08/2022 15:26

Ah! A black adder fan with a poor memory...

sunglassesonthetable · 14/08/2022 15:41

Yep. I think in school it would also be useful to point out most women don't find it pleasurable, to make it clear that it's not weird to not try it.

I don't think you can knowingly point that out until you know what 'most ' actually means. You would have to measure that. 🤷‍♀️

You could definitely say and emphasise that " it's not weird to not try it"

excitingusername · 14/08/2022 16:08

@picklemewalnuts @TullyApplebottom I was reading it as Tufty Applebottom. Thought it was great! 😄

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.