To think these kids need to develop some resilience

[PollysKettleIsOn]

Not my DC but a family members, we usually get together once a fortnight or so but have been seeing each other more frequently during the summer holidays.

They are 5.5 and almost 10 (I have three of my own who are 4.5years, 3years and a baby)

I feel terrible saying this but I'm starting to dread these meet ups / play dates. You could bet your house on the fact that usually both, but atleast one of them will break into exasperated screaming multiple times for total non events.

The younger ones were messing around with a flask earlier on (her 5 year old DD and my 3 year old DD) and my DD got whacked on the arm with it. She was fine but i heard her say ouch. I asked, nicely, what had happened. Cue the 5yo starting to scream and cry uncontrollably for the next 10 minutes. I actually thought she was the one who got hit with it the way she was carrying on.

When she finally stopped her mum asked why she was so upset, her response was that she thought she was going to get into trouble. My 3yo DD, the one who actually got hit, just stood there looking miffed.

Later on she slid off the end of the slide and got a Teeny Tiny graze on her knee, off she was again for the next half an hour.

The older one is exactly the same if not worse. You only have to so much as ask him not to do something and off he goes, crying and wailing to the point he looks like he is hyperventilating. The children have never been hit or frightened by their parents or anybody else. There's absolutely need to act that way.

My DC on the other hand are alot more resilient. I'm not sure I can credit myself for that it's just who they are. If they need to be told off then they are, in a calm but firm manner. I don't have to bite my tongue in fear they're going to stand there shaking. I have on occasion had to raise my voice the same as everyone else and they don't respond with anywhere near that level of dramatics - and my eldest has special needs.

AIBU to think (perhaps even say) that the children need to develop some resilience because life will be very bloody hard for them if they don't. The eldest will be going to secondary school in no time and will end up (wrongly, obviously) becoming a target.

Nowhere in the OP was any question asked about that. It was criticism from start to finish.

I definitely think the OP should reduce contact. The other parent could do with better friends!

Its a catch all term used as short hand frequently on this site as well you know, dont be pedantic, I know full well what SEN is. You're being ridiculous because you jumped straight in with huge offence when you got it wrong.

They’re children ffs. They don’t have the same brain make up as adults, they’re not even nearly fully developed yet. Your post is so judgemental 🙄 just because they’re not like your children. People are different and children are the same! Just don’t let it wind you up so much, you don’t have to deal with them.

I definitely think the OP should reduce contact. The other parent could do with better friends!

agreed!

Yea she did. Last paragraph. She asks if she should speak up

Using it as shorthand doesn't mean it's right and calling out negative comments about disability doesn't make me pedantic.

Have yourself a nice evening, not engaging with you further as you're clearly spoiling for an argument.

This.

my kids are teens now but it used to drive me mad when they were little. One friend in particular, just one child and he ran rings around her and was never disciplined. She’d constantly be stroking his face even when he was being an absolute little shit.

She does though - she has to put with it on days out with her loved ones, it’s not easy especially when nothing is done about it.

I would 100% expect a 10yo not to have a tantrum over tiny things like not going first. Their brains are absolutely developed enough to understand this

Who’s made a negative comment about disabilities?

She does though - she has to put with it on days out with her loved ones, it’s not easy especially when nothing is done about it.

Its got nothing to do with the OP what is done about it though.

Never mind my children, they're not like any other children I know. I'm sorry if I'm coming off badly here but when every trip out is spoiled by continuous and unnecessary crying and dramatics it does wear thin.

Children cry I know that very well, I have a baby that likes to fight his sleep on a nightly basis. My other children cry too.

However if my baby/children were going biserk and screaming every.single.time we went for lunch or to the park or to whatever else I'm sure whoever I'm meeting up with would tire of it pretty quickly.

It seems you just want to criticise her parenting probably to make yourself feel better about your own. These kind of posts make me really uncomfortable. Maybe she isn't good at setting boundaries, maybe she has more challenging children than you do. Who knows? But to use it to give yourself a boost because your kids are clearly such a shining example is a really shitty thing to do.

No but she still has to experience it.Her opinion is valid when the poor behaviour is impinging on her free time.

My DNephew used to be just like this whenever he did something that should have resulted in a telling off. He would do it so he would get a hug instead of facing consequences for hurting another child, taking something that wasn't his etc. DH and I were the only ones who twigged what he was doing and wouldn't let him get away with it.
He's grown out of it now and is a lovely teenager. 😀

Ughh yep I would find this extremely irritating. We are from the ‘do you need a blood transfusion? No? In that case you’re fine’ school of thought rather than this icky fussy pandering that so many go in for. Obviously you know if your child is actually hurt or genuinely upset.

It would be interesting to know if they behave like this with other people. Their father. Their teachers. Or just with mum.

You're not coming off badly OP - this is MN remember, it's another world!? 😂

I don't care whether its a result of parenting, nurture, nature or anything else.. it is spoiling days out for my DC and can be incredibly distracting and annoying.

I'm on the fence as to whether or not to have a conversation with her and if so how to broach it with minimal fallout.

I don't need to piss on somebodies bonfire to make mine burn brighter either. I'm far from a perfect parent and would never pretend otherwise, I don't think there is any such thing as a parent parent anyway.

But yes my children are less challenging, even the 9mo baby going through sleep regression and my eldest who starts a special needs school in September as he is severely autistic, the latter of which many on mumsnet would assume to display the most difficult behaviour. Even he is getting sick of it.

Their behaviour screams overtired and hungry to me. Do they eat and sleep well?

You're lucky your kids aren't like this. It's no joke having a highly sensitive child.

It really is! If you had the OP’s conversation to another mate in the pub they’d say “god they sound like a fucking nightmare” not ‘what makes you so perfect hmmmmm, it’s not their fault, it’s their tiny little brains’.

I really think the heat does something to MNers too. It’s been a weird day.

I got my arse handed to me today because I can’t go to my DB’s childfree wedding, 350 miles away in Scottish highlands after our sitters got COVID - can’t drive at the moment, no one to give me a lift, rail strikes are happening and the only flight was via a stop in Dublin and meant staying over night in Dublin there AND back.

But I was told by dozens of posters that I wasn’t trying hard enough to get there so I have come to the conclusion that the heat does something funny to MN users, scrambles their brains a bit 😂

They eat well, have a good diet and no sleep issues AFAIK. I'm sure she'd have mentioned something if not.

I can tell!

My children do this. They are neurodivergent. Don’t rule it out.

Jesus christ !

It really is batshit on here sometimes 😂

I'm just waiting for somebody to suggest that I clearly despise her now..