Mums who overtalk friends to speak with their kids?

[Bellysmackers]

Have times changed? When I was young I was taught to keepe quiet when adults were speaking.

I don't have children myself, but have friends who do, and I've noticed that when they visit with their toddlers I can't get a word in edgeways! Mum is constantly chatting away to the child/asking if he needs a wee/wants an apple blah blah. I end up in most cases just sitting and watching them interact. It's as though I'm not even there I find it pretty rude tbh and wonder why they even bothered visiting.

I completely understand children are demanding and need attention- but sometimes halfway through a sentence they just randomly lose total interest. It's as though they are all consumed by Motherhood and have totally forgotten how to hold an adult convo!

Thoughts...

@girlmom21

And you have an awful sense of humour

She’s joking, it’s ok

I don't think it's my sense of humour that's the problem

Extremely ill-mannered unless a matter of life and death.

Or wees and poos

@namechangetheworld

kids do grow up and get their own lives (or they should). I know that’s hard for some on mumsnet to hear - lots of you seem to want your kids to live with you rent free forever.

ive moved a few hours away from my home town and so my mum see her pals a lot more than me. I’m very pleased for her that she maintained those friendships when I was young so that she’s not lonely and has a social life now

@girlmom21

is it?

why?

it’s not hurting them

It would certainly appear so!

Already said, but it’s all about balance and judgment isn’t it? Nothing wrong with teaching children (not toddlers) that it’s wrong to interrupt and asking them to wait for attention - I’m a big believer in good manners and agree with others that this is a good lesson to learn and is an important part of respectful social behaviour.

But I also believe in teaching children that what they say has value, and I disagree that adults are intrinsically more important than children. Children’s deserve to be listened to as people - obviously not fully formed people yet, but still people with thoughts and opinions. I think the ‘adult world’ and ‘child world’ are often too separate and strongly delineated in U.K. culture, and that many other cultures are much more inclusive, comfortable with listening to children and incorporating them into everyday life.

I totally get the frustration at having disjointed conversations with constantly distracted friends - I can’t remember the last time I had a proper deep and meaningful chat with a friend when our kids were around, (especially as I have just the one pretty calm preschooler whereas my friends are all still firmly in baby and toddler land). But I also strongly disagree with people like my DM, who is firmly of the ‘children should be seen and not heard’ school of belief, and thinks DD should sit in silence in a cafe or the back of the car while she and I hold forth.

I guess we can only blame a long line of terrible rude parents dating back to time immemorial

The op specifically says toddlers, not older children. What is your cutoff point OP?

This to me is good parenting 👏

I call them Zombie Mothers.

The PFB is all consuming - dontcha know a- nd must be held in the Zombie's arms up to the sky for worship.

You need new friends. I tell my chick to wait until I'm finished speaking if they interrupt BUT my kids needs will always trump your need to chat so if they actually do need a shitty nappy changing or a plaster or whatever then I would stop talking to you to do that

Chick ? Haha child

Most of my parent friends are very much of the "Lucy, its rude to interrupt, mummy is talking, now go and play with your brother" school of thought. No reasonable adult is going to get upset if their conversation is interrupted because said friends child is about to shit themselves or they have just admitted to eating a dishwasher tablet but I kind of agree with OP, when you are constantly being cut off because said child's babbling stream of consciousness is given priority it just becomes, well, very boring.

That’s it isn’t it.

If the child interrupts adult conversation cos needs the toilet for example - fine for them to interrupt and for you to pause your conversation with your mate and attend to them

if the child interrupts adult conversation cos they want to talk about Paw Patrol - not fine, mum should tell them not to interrupt and that they can talk about that later and tell them to go off and play

We all know that, but the OP doesn’t seem to describe it that way. She literally mentions wees as something she finds annoying as an interruption.

if the child interrupts adult conversation cos they want to talk about Paw Patrol - not fine, mum should tell them not to interrupt and that they can talk about that later and tell them to go off and play

I do agree but dependant on how long the child has been playing alone for.
The OP specifically mentioned toddlers so expecting toddlers to entertain themselves for hours is massively unreasonable. It also depends on the environment they're in - soft play is very different to the childless friends house you're visiting.

It’s confusing because the original post by the OP is talking about toddlers, but subsequent posts from the OP are agreeing with people talking about older children.

In fairness the OP mentions the parent asking the child IF they need a wee, not a young child declaring that they do which is a different case. Fine if they are mid-potty training or have additional needs, but probably not as necessary if they're older & toilet trained.

Oh you are not wrong...but also I have been guilty of this. When they are babies or toilet training I think it is natural to be responsive to them, but I probably should have started being firm about not interrupting sooner. We got there in the end

Yes, I saw that. I assumed they would be potty training if they are toddlers and the parent is asking, as per the OP’s own description, which you say yourself is understandable. The parent has probably picked up on a cue that wouldn’t be obvious to anyone else.

i get that all this is annoying, especially when it isn’t wee/poo or injury related, and it is certainly rude if the parent is initiating the chat with a child who is perfectly well occupied (though I know no parents of toddlers who do that, they are all grateful not to be needed for a small portion of time). With toddlers, sometimes a certain amount of response to cues is required in order to allow adult conversation to continue and keep a child on an even keel and head off a bigger interruption, even though it may not be obvious to the one who isn’t a parent. Older children are less likely to need that

but the OP is talking about toddlers, and has not subsequently acknowledged any differentiation of needs by age or responded to any questions about that, so I assume either she doesn’t know or doesn’t want to know about that, or possibly is enjoying a little wind-up on a parenting site, who knows.