Mums who overtalk friends to speak with their kids?

[Bellysmackers]

Have times changed? When I was young I was taught to keepe quiet when adults were speaking.

I don't have children myself, but have friends who do, and I've noticed that when they visit with their toddlers I can't get a word in edgeways! Mum is constantly chatting away to the child/asking if he needs a wee/wants an apple blah blah. I end up in most cases just sitting and watching them interact. It's as though I'm not even there I find it pretty rude tbh and wonder why they even bothered visiting.

I completely understand children are demanding and need attention- but sometimes halfway through a sentence they just randomly lose total interest. It's as though they are all consumed by Motherhood and have totally forgotten how to hold an adult convo!

Thoughts...

It’s a bit rich to accuse of not being able to determine nuance whilst also refusing to acknowledge that the way you deal with siblings might be a little different to the way you deal with a friend. Even the fact that the OP is talking about her own home while other posters are talking about having people to their home creates a different situation.

Well, @BiasedBinding, the first post was addressed to @girlmom21 in specific reference to her post.

the second was to anyone that has more than one child. Struggling to see how you’d deal with two children as opposed to a friend and a child would differ so hugely it requires a whole other conversation if I’m honest but ok.

Also not sure how either post was ambiguous in those points?

I’m not sure what your problem is either when you are agreeing with me?!

Ive had this before, invited our friends and their kid over for evening and dinner. Forget the kid, their own attention span couldn't even last through a sentence and DH and I ended up spending the whole time silently watching them play with their kid and let her wander around our house fiddling with things I'd rather she left alone, having a tantrum. It was painfully boring after a while and we ended up finding any excuse to 'go check on dinner'. There were two of them as well so it's not like one watched the kid and the other talked to us. At one point they changed the kids shitty nappy ON MY LOUNGE CARPET didn't even bring a changing mat and when I brought out a blanket they put her next to it. On the carpet. I was not happy and my lounge stank.

im not a parent but this is such an important skill. I’m ND so don’t know if children just learn it through watchimg
or need to be taught when to interrupt and how.

I’m autistic but adult diagnosed and would have benefited so much more if I was taught at a younger age how conversations work. As it is I struggle with it and knowing when is an appropriate time to ask a question break in when two people are talking or to join conversations.

Sounds like you need friends

This is genius. I am so going to try this

Yes I used to give mine a hug but carry on talking / listening to my friend.

My pet hate. I agree with you

I had a friend like this - ie breaking off mid sentence to speak to her children. It was sufficiently embarrassing that her children told her off to her face for being rude. I’ve no idea why she did it

Why people change a shitty nappy anywhere but in a bathroom is beyond me.

Entirely depends on the situation and the conversation. Diverting entirely to talk about Pokémon: not okay, “oh yes that’s a lovely Lego model, darling, off you go and build some more”: the best way of quieting increasing urgent MUMMY yells, and “sorry hang on friend - child, off to the toilet please” absolutely cannot wait and the fact you have it with the other examples makes me suspect that yes it’s you.

Yanbu In my friendship group there is definitely a correlation btwn parents who gently asked their children not to interrupt on non-urgent matters, and those children having better social skills and friendships. And vice versa - the mothers I could never get a word in edgeways with seem to have children who aren't doing so well socially now they're older. Makes sense, the former group taught their children basic self control and the importance of valuing reciprocal conversation, they modelled good friendship and their children have copied it successfully. The latter group convinced their kids that people have no problem having their conversations interrupted to hear a 10min monologue on worms and then when the kids went to school they were surprised it wasn't so. Of course the important thing is to make sure that the child gets considerable uninterrupted attention themselves, so that the 30 mins a day or so they are expected to let their mothers give attention to someone else doesn't feel like it's at their expense.

Zombie Mother.

Yes it's really annoying, sometimes you end up started the same sentence 3 or 4 times before just giving up

Absolutely spot on

This!

When my son was little we involved him in conversations but equally he was taught the manners that I was there to speak to my friend and that he had to wait to interrupt. It’s less easy in person, but boils my piss when you see someone clearly on the phone and they drop conversation to the kid who just wants to bring attention back to them

Yip. V rude.

Oh yes please do let us go back to being seen and not heard, would be bliss, parents do not appear to teach children manners these days, I sound like an old curmudgeon, well I am, having had three children and now a grandma, I experience exactly the same from my grandchildren.
I fully believe in allowing children freedom of expression, to grow and develop opinions of their own, however, in my opinion, speaking over adults is an absolute no-no, the height of bad manners, parents should correct them and explain why it's not done.

Taking turns in conversation is such a key social skill as is managing frustration. In adult interactions these are the two key elements so teaching them early is really critical.

No one expects seen and not heard. Just 'listen and wait your turn'.

I think it depends on the age of the toddler. My recently turned 2 year old has no impulse control and interrupts conversation but it isn't constant. I would expect him to be a bit better at waiting to talk by 3 but these things take time.

Yep! I have kids and if me or my friends are talking and they try to interrupt I make them wait but I've noticed not one of my other friends does this, they will all stop mid conversation even if it's me that's talking, to answer or interact with their child. It's exhausting, rude, and quite frankly makes me want to not be their friend anymore.

Frankly I would just give up on the friendship in this scenario. I’d rather my own company than pointless shallow friendships where meet-ups consist of you just sitting there and watching them and their toddler interact.

I wonder if these are the same mothers who complain that their friends have drifted away?