Mums who overtalk friends to speak with their kids?

[Bellysmackers]

Have times changed? When I was young I was taught to keepe quiet when adults were speaking.

I don't have children myself, but have friends who do, and I've noticed that when they visit with their toddlers I can't get a word in edgeways! Mum is constantly chatting away to the child/asking if he needs a wee/wants an apple blah blah. I end up in most cases just sitting and watching them interact. It's as though I'm not even there I find it pretty rude tbh and wonder why they even bothered visiting.

I completely understand children are demanding and need attention- but sometimes halfway through a sentence they just randomly lose total interest. It's as though they are all consumed by Motherhood and have totally forgotten how to hold an adult convo!

Thoughts...

Totally agree

Yes times have changed and it's a good thing.

Although I can't comment on how your friend is being. Obviously if you don't want to put up with it you can suggest only to see them without their kids. I think this is why a lot of people with kids feel like they loose their friends without kids.

I 100% agree with you. it is sooo annoying.
However, my friends that do this do also happen to have extremely verbally advanced children that are beyond eloquent for their age group.

I'm sort of in the middle, sometimes it's necessary to respond to your child, but sometimes the child is doing it on purpose to bring the attention back to them, and I dislike this when it keeps happening during the course of a conversation. It's not right to chat for hours with a friend and ignore the child, but it's perfectly acceptable to listen carefully and engage in conversation that is mostly directed at a friend, for short intervals.

I used to have a friend whose small child used to demand to be picked up during our conversations (which is fine) but then he would angle his head so that his face was staring into his mothers and blocking my head from his mother's view. It pissed me off in the end because it shut down all conversation, and she never said anything about it.

Oh yeah. Let's go back to children being seen and not heard. 🙄

I agree it's rude and annoying. Deoending on the age and the exact urgency behind them butting in obviously Children should be able to wait, or at least parents should attempt to make this happen as you would expect in any other adult conversation.

Children need to be taught how to engage politely not just expect 100% instant attention whatever the situation

I speak as a mother

'Tis a thing. My DS does it, and I tell him "no DS, please don't interrupt, I'm talking to Milly Molly Mandy's mum right now. Then MMM will decide she needs her mum's attention immediately, and I'm sidelined whilst they discuss which Pokémon is best.

I don't personally ascribe to the whole "children should be seen and not heard" thing at all. Times have indeed changed and, in my view, for the better.

But regardless, toddlers are not generally able to understand things like when it's okay to interrupt and when it isn't. For example, I'd imagine you'd rather a toddler interrupt to say they urgently needed a wee if the alternative might be an accident on the carpet!

I also think it's a balancing act on the parent's part. Toddlers tend to act up and/or strop if they don't get their needs/wants met, because that's how their brains work. There might be an element of damage limitation when your friends are choosing to respond each time rather than ignore them or ask them to wait!

Yep rude and annoying. Those same parents probably moan that friends hardly bother with them anymore - well what’s the point when it’s just going to be the little Archie/Amelia show the whole time?

We are in an age where kids have to be centre stage all the time, God forbid any adults forget that!

On the other hand would you want toddler wee on your carpet because she wasn't focusing enough on the toddler to notice the 'wee dance' or didn't cut you off to prompt them to go to the toilet? Or would you want a bord, hungry toddler rampaging through your house?

Your friend is probably aware your not at a kid tolerant stage of life, so is desperately trying to head of any problems so she gets a few hours of 'nice' behaviour out of the toddler while she visits you.

I’m very much of the “mum/Bob is talking, you need to wait now” school but it’s a difficult lesson to teach imo, since you effectively end up interrupting the conversation to discipline your kid. Trying the Bluey technique.

If I'm with friends I make sure I'm not doing this as I remember how annoying it was before I was a mum! Kids have to learn that they're not always the centre of attention, but equally I don't ignore them either. There's lots ways to interact with both at once or keep toddler occupied whilst grown ups chat.

I agree, its so annoying.
Our DS is always listened to, but he knows to say excuse me if im talking, then he also knows that i say "mummy is talking to........ " means go and play.

I have friends whos kids have no manners, and they just cut the conversation off because their child wants to interrupt.

Its different if they are asking for the loo or something they need, but they still have to use their manners.

Children need to be taught how to engage politely not just expect 100% instant attention whatever the situation

Yes children not a toddler though.

YANBU. It's my pet hate. Children need to be taught social skills and that it's rude to interrupt unless it's important.

I obviously don't mean children should be seen and not heard - but I was certainly taught manners/told to be quiet when grown ups are speaking. Tbh I find it rude when Mums ignore the adult they are with a give their demanding child full attention- what's that teaching it? To be a brat?

Tbh I find it rude when Mums ignore the adult they are with a give their demanding child full attention- what's that teaching it? To be a brat?

😒

I agree, I have kids but if they could see I was mid sentence talking to an adult I didn't cut short to answer the kids.
I've friends with kids younger than my own who do it and it is annoying. It makes a friendship so hard

Drives me batty, particularly when you are on the phone.

I have one friend who is particularly bad at this will have a whole side conversation with DD while we are talking, I used to cut her some slack when her DD was little but she's 9 now and it's just rude.

I hate this. It isn't that a child is interrupting an adult conversation but that the child is interrupting at all. Everyone needs to learn not to interrupt. We also use the Bluey technique and it works REALLY well for our four year old. We have been using it since he was about 2.

Honestly, it's so hard trying to manage a bored toddler and talk to an adult at the same time.

My child free friends invite me with the kids but I just won't go - I meet them when kids are in bed - as it's just a nightmare trying to attend to the friend and keep the toddler from trashing stuff/ weeing on the floor/ descending into a temper tantrum. With friends with kids we have slightly more luck by meeting in playgrounds etc so the kids are entertained

Oh yeah. Let's go back to children being seen and not heard. 🙄

Yes please 🤣🤣

I’ve noticed this too. It’s really bloody rude.

I will wait for a pause in the conversation to ask my children what’s up. I won’t let them talk all over a friend. I know a few people who do this consistently and to be honest i don’t bother engaging with them anymore. They are of a certain personality type where they have an idea that everything that comes out of the children’s mouth should be recorded for posterity. So we all have too listened in awe as the little cherub details their last shit. Not for me I’m afraid.

Yanbu.

I regularly say that one of the many reasons I don't want children is I already seem to spend an inordinate amount of time parenting other people's children.

Children that constantly interrupt adults talking.

Children being rough with animals.

Children being destructive of other people's belongings.

And so often the parent is just watching. They seem to have no understanding of how rude and annoying their children are.

Basic manners cost nothing.

Agree 100%. I don’t believe kids should be seen and not heard, but there’s nothing wrong with sending the kids off the play while the adults have a cuppa and a chat. Kids should know they aren’t the centre of the earth all the time. My friend does this…will completely cut across a conversation to interact with her kid who has interrupted (they aren’t toddlers either!) really rude and drives me mad.