Mums who overtalk friends to speak with their kids?

[Bellysmackers]

Have times changed? When I was young I was taught to keepe quiet when adults were speaking.

I don't have children myself, but have friends who do, and I've noticed that when they visit with their toddlers I can't get a word in edgeways! Mum is constantly chatting away to the child/asking if he needs a wee/wants an apple blah blah. I end up in most cases just sitting and watching them interact. It's as though I'm not even there I find it pretty rude tbh and wonder why they even bothered visiting.

I completely understand children are demanding and need attention- but sometimes halfway through a sentence they just randomly lose total interest. It's as though they are all consumed by Motherhood and have totally forgotten how to hold an adult convo!

Thoughts...

Exactly. Thankyou!

YANBU. I experienced this over a decade with my DSis and it's damaged our relationship irrecoverably.

If your friends matter to you and you realise they're trying to disclose something and DC are getting in the way of that, you can always follow up by text or WhatsApp or whatever. That's what I do.

It's awful to feel like someone can't hear you at all - makes you feel really small. And I'm fond of the children in question!

Drives me mad. We've come on a play date to moan about our lives, eff off and play. It's performative parenting, no time for it

We've come on a play date to moan about our lives, eff off and play.

So true

The OP is talking about toddlers - like 18mo? - they tend not to fuck off and play, many of them. Most want to be near (or on) their mother. 3-4yos, preschoolers, yes they might do that more

This. OP sounds like a petulant toddler, stamping her foot and demanding that her friend must have her full attention at all times.

Hate to break it to you OP, but you are considerably less important to your friend than her children. That's life.

This is a difficult one. Children do need to learn manners but it's not an overnight thing. I have an almost 3yo DS who fits your description to a tee. I do prompt him and ask him to wait a second whilst I finish talking to someone but he's at the beginning of learning this part of social interactions and his brain works at roughly 1000mph (and his consciousness just tumbles out of his mouth as words now he's talking).

I do try my best to finish a conversation if I can and try not to do what you've described but it does happen. I will get stricter as he gets older and has had more practice etc.

100% agree.
This happens all the time. Even with friends who are very socially aware, nice people. We'll be chatting but as soon as their child starts speaking we have to stop mid sentence. It's so rude.
Surely a polite "please wait until mummy has finished talking" would be OK?!

“Hate to break it to you OP, but you are considerably less important to your friend than her children. That's life.”

I posted this exact AIBU around 18 years ago

…And got the same responses as this. It misses the point - it doesn’t take much to say ‘hold on a moment mummy is talking…’

In 18 years I see people are still selfish and rude and teaching their children to be the same.

If my toddler needs something I'm going to find out what it is. Adults can hold on for a minute - a child that is hurt, needs a wee, hungry - easier to sort it out straight away.

Or maybe your chat is boring them.

Children grow up and move out. Friendships last a lifetime. There's a happy medium. It's never to early to teach kids basic social etiquette. Some parents are failing their children in this regard and they grow up into unbearable adults.

@BrownStripePJ I do exactly what you describe but it doesn't work (yet). DS just keeps talking at 100mph and I can't think straight or maintain a conversation so I have to deal with him before I can continue talking/listening. He's almost 3. I can appreciate how annoying it is as I literally want to scream when he's said 'mummy' for the millionth time that morning.

I expect he'll improve over time, with practice and as he gets older.

“Adults can hold on for a minute - a child that is hurt, needs a wee, hungry - easier to sort it out straight away.”

Bit we are not talking about those incidents are we? 🙄 And if the chat is boring why bother meeting up?

@UWhatNow well the OP hasn't been specific. My son is nearly 2; he doesn't get that it's rude to interrupt yet and if I attend to what he needs straight away he'll carry on playing so conversation can resume. If I ignore him he'll not understand why and keep bugging, getting more agitated. Because he's a v young child. Surely the OP can cope with this sort of interruption?

A five year old not allowing adults to speak is a bit different.

All I can say is.....wait till you have kids of your own if you want them 😂😂

OP is describing the parent asking the toddler this that and the other not the child interrupting.

I think this thread has gone off piste!

I have kids and they were taught not to interrupt constantly, unless it was important. They are older now and have lovely manners. It's important to me, but if you think manners aren't important then crack on.

People are deliberately derailing the thread in order to justify their own behaviour in always centring their children in any conversation. It happens with every thread on this topic. It’s pointless arguing with them.

On a serious note, it is important that kids realise our conversations and time with friends are important. That we have lives too and things we want to talk about - otherwise they will just see you as some sort of MumBot that only caters to their needs not your own

My kids are 6 and 3 and know to say "excuse me" if they want something and not to interrupt if grown ups are talking.

It's basic manners!!!

Yep, I'm with you!

We're talking about toddlers here? Not older children? Sorry, but you're being massively unreasonable, toddlers are demanding and I accept that when I'm meeting friends which toddlers that the conversation will be interuppted.

I dunno, my toddlers knew to say excuse me before interrupting.

I have two DCs who I absolutely adore and who are now late teens. But I remember this!! And thinking WTF - why are you completely unable to hold a conversation without totally focusing on your DCs!!