Mums who overtalk friends to speak with their kids?

[Bellysmackers]

Have times changed? When I was young I was taught to keepe quiet when adults were speaking.

I don't have children myself, but have friends who do, and I've noticed that when they visit with their toddlers I can't get a word in edgeways! Mum is constantly chatting away to the child/asking if he needs a wee/wants an apple blah blah. I end up in most cases just sitting and watching them interact. It's as though I'm not even there I find it pretty rude tbh and wonder why they even bothered visiting.

I completely understand children are demanding and need attention- but sometimes halfway through a sentence they just randomly lose total interest. It's as though they are all consumed by Motherhood and have totally forgotten how to hold an adult convo!

Thoughts...

I think toddlers its fine , older children not so much
I have one friend who's ds constantly interrupts our conversations with needless things , eventually my friend gets cross , but it would be easier if she just taught him not to interrupt people ( unless emergency) as she starts of answering him all the time and he gets mixed messages
Children do also need to learn it can be rude to interuot at times as well , there can be a happy medium between seen and not heard and constantly seeking attention/ interrupting

Why are grown ups more important than children here?

I agree. I found this infuriating before I have kids but have softened a little in my stance now I have children. Once my kids are older than 3ish I quietly tell them 'I know you're waiting to tell me something: I'll speak to you in a minute' and give them a little squeeze and a smile. Then when my friend and I have finished talking I'll say 'thanks for waiting. What did you want to tell me?'
I find it annoying when children think they can interrupt conversations (past a certain age). It's rude and does the child no favours in the long run.

@Underanothersky its not about grown ups being more important is it? If two people are talking its rude to interrupt , why can't kids be taught this ?

I have one friend, you’ll be in mid-sentence to her and she’ll just suddenly say something to her child about what child is doing or answer a question if they’ve asked one. You just have to stop what you were saying and wait and it’s sort of embarrassing because you feel like you were boring them or they weren’t listening.

It? 🤣

Alongside saying brat, sounds like you don't like kids.

Don't kid yourself that you were different when you were a kid - you'll have interrupted just as much as your friends kid does now but you won't remember it as it'll have felt acceptable to you at the time. Young kids have terrible impulse control, not because they are brats but because their brain is still very immature and the impulse control part of their brain literally isn't there yet. So if your friend is acting as she is, its probably because she knows that if she doesn't deal with it fast it'll get 1000% more annoying. She'll hate nit being able to get through a conversation too, it just is what it is with small kids. It's not 'letting them' so they become brats, it's dealing with the stage of their life as best as can be done. They grow out of it.

It’s incredibly rude for a Mummy to do this. Ugh. Your children should be taught to be polite and NOT interrupt adult conversation. It’s about standards. The adult who is not the Mummy does not want to hear childish drivel and neither does anyone in the vicinity.

The worst is when you’re trying to open up about something that’s troubling you and your ‘friend’ will just allow the child to interrupt and then dominate the conversation until you basically stop bothering. I learned very early on not to try abd talk about anything meaningful while mothers are mothering. So on the whole all my conversations with my mummy friends are shallow and inconsequential. I’ve made peace with that now.

Because they ARE. It’s the way the world works. Tough.

100% depends on the age.

i hated it when I didn’t have children but now I understand if you have a toddler and they need something urgently (and for them it’s usually urgent otherwise they will wee/poo on floor or have a meltdown because toy/water/snack is out of reach) it is a lot less disruptive if you deal with their problem immediately. Otherwise there’s a tantrum and you can’t talk anyway.

from 4+ there should be an element of responding to them “your water is over there” but if they want to start a long conversation it’s very much “mummy is talking to XYZ”

it’s annoying but it doesn’t mean we aren’t listening, there’s just a necessity to multitask and respond (up to a certain age)

I was at a day out experience type thing last week that ends with a short video on a cinema room and the woman behind me kept waffling on at her toddler the whole way through at full volume. I dont know of it was her attempt at performance parenting but it completely ruined it for everyone else.

Kind of agree with this actually. I don't think a little deference to parents is a Bad Thing.

When my dc were small I taught them that if I was talking to someone else (adult or other child) and they needed/ wanted to tell me something then they put their hand on my arm. I would then put my hand over theirs to signal that I knew they were waiting.

The exception was if they needed the toilet, then they'd usually shout "I need a weeeeeeee" And no reasonable adult minds being interrupted for that!

reminds me of my friends mums child. Mother visited, child followed mother around the house, interrupted to ask what was for dinner, told mother she was in her seat, told dad to go away, just constant interruptions.

child in question is 28!

I meet my friends without the kids nowadays. I can't stand it when they constantly break conversation to tell their kids off or their kids interrupt. It drives me barmy!

It also irritates me having to fuss over their kids and have conversations with them 😂.

But it’s ok for mums to ignore their children to speak to their demanding friend?

So true. A friend of mine was talking about her mother's terminal cancer diagnosis once, only to be interrupted mid-sentence as the friend she was talking to decided her toddler was more important. They're not friends any more.

I've had my fair share of conversations where I've realised I'm completely surplus to requirements and could literally be saying any words in any order, it wouldn't matter as 100% of my supposed friend's attention was on her child. Can't be doing with that shit in my life really.

What your friend is doing is rude. Nothing the matter with saying to children don't interrupt or using a hand sign so they know not to talk at that minute, which is what I did. Not saying that children should be seen and not heard but they need to learn to take their turn.

I agree with you OP, it's incredibly rude.

As a PP says, we are now in an age of parenting where children lead and adults follow behind trying not to upset the little darlings or ever say no. Anyone who disagrees is instantly dismissed as wanting to go back to kids being seen and not heard.

If I was talking to someone else and my children wanted to talk to me I would just put my hand on their arm gently which they knew to mean 'wait your turn' but you can tell if it's urgent - obviously toilet or something when they're little can't wait!
Now they're teens, they wait patiently anyway, but if it's urgent they'll whisper in my ear or give me a look.

Toddlers are too young to be taught to wait quietly though.

I suggest you meet with your friends without their DC.

When I had toddlers I would never have expected to meet up with a friend and have a proper conversation. It wasn’t possible.

So we had child free evenings together instead. They happened rarely, but we got 10x the proper conversation as we would have in meetings up with DC.

Depends on the age of the child and the situation.

A toddler, or a child with SEN, may not understand the need to wait and not interrupt. And if they need the toilet or something important I'd rather deal with that immediately than a meltdown or an accident.

An older child just whining for attention and being a pain should be told to wait until X has finished talking.

I cba with people who just leave me sat there in silence while they engage with their kid the entire time.

I think it's rude to ignore anyone if you are all in the same space. That includes children. If you don't want to socialise with children meet their parents separately.

• Why are grown ups more important than children here? Because they ARE. It’s the way the world works. Tough.*

I disagree that they're more important. But not interrupting unless it's urgent is important (and that works both ways - I wouldn't interrupt my child either unless something was urgent.

I agree OP, depending on the context. A 3 year old butting in with 'Mummy I need a wee' is entirely different to an 8 year old with 'Mum look at my drawing, where's my blue jumper, [sibling] is hogging the Switch, can I have a snack' over and over again.

I know one set of parents who've done this (age appropriately) since their DC were tiny and now they're older primary age it's 'I'm talking to Que just now, you'll have to wait / play with something else / look for it yourself until we're finished' and then turn away, assuming it's not an emergency need. We would never sit and chat on for hours then though, at the next natural break in conversation or change in subject we'll both turn attention to the child until their need / want is met.