Mums who overtalk friends to speak with their kids?

[Bellysmackers]

Have times changed? When I was young I was taught to keepe quiet when adults were speaking.

I don't have children myself, but have friends who do, and I've noticed that when they visit with their toddlers I can't get a word in edgeways! Mum is constantly chatting away to the child/asking if he needs a wee/wants an apple blah blah. I end up in most cases just sitting and watching them interact. It's as though I'm not even there I find it pretty rude tbh and wonder why they even bothered visiting.

I completely understand children are demanding and need attention- but sometimes halfway through a sentence they just randomly lose total interest. It's as though they are all consumed by Motherhood and have totally forgotten how to hold an adult convo!

Thoughts...

How do you account for all the older men who can’t handle being lower than #1 on the priority list?

Correction very much accepted - IF not When.

However, for many being consumed by Motherhood is not really a choice but something that either “just happens” or (in my case at the moment) the only option left. My LO is not yet 1yo and i had friend over twice since he was born and i try (and really want is bot fake at all) to be completely involved on my friends when they talk but really there is no one else to keep this little human content but me so I had to often interrupt my friends to go off and attend the little one… not all babies are easy you know…

I think most people are discussing a different issue from the one that OP brought up. Most people here seem to be discussing whether children should be allowed to interrupt adult conversations. What the OP brought up is something a bit different: parents interrupting their own conversations with friends to check up on their toddlers' needs: whether they need an apple, a wee, etc. And I think it is U to expect that parents should refrain from doing so, when children are so young. A somewhat older child would be able to 'hold in' their wee for a bit; make their own way to the toilet; get their own apple; etc. A toddler can't and it's unfair to expect their parents not to keep a close eye on them, even if this sometimes interrupts their attention to their friends.

This exactly 👌🏻

OP comments on her friend - the parent interrupting the conversation not the child. The child done nothing. If/when she has children she may find herself (inadvertently) doing the same thats all.

BellySmackers I totally agree with you. A few years ago I met someone on the train that I hadn't seen for a few years. I used to childmind her son from age 3 months to about 2 and 1/2 years until I moved. He was about 9 when I met them on the train. We were trying to chat and he was continually butting in and she kept breaking the conversation to answer him. He was old enough to know better and she should have told him not to keep interrupting us. Bloody annoying. Very rude!

I hate it, when I visit friends and we are chatting the children just talk over us and they ignore it. I used to tell mine to stop interrupting as it’s rude, unless the house is on fire obviously.

My friends kids still do this at 18 and 22 🤦‍♀️. She never tells them not to interrupt or to wait.

Maybe their children are more important to them than you are

Maybe she should not invite her friend around/arrange to meet her for a chat if friend is now so low on her priorities that she she's not prepared to listen to a word she's saying

@GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal exactly! It's so annoying. That's why there are so many children who can't wait and constantly interrupt.

I find it irritating too and I have kids. I go on playdates to catch up with friends and for the kids to play with each other! Not to spend the whole time engaging with the children. A small part of it is that, yes, but I want to sit down and have a cup of tea and let the kids interact with each other.

Sounds like it. The type that think their children are more important than anything or anyone else: neighbours, restaurant patrons, teachers etc. I know the type exactly.

Couldn't agree more. One relative's child constantly interrupts, is never corrected to say 'excuse me' and needs 100% attention. Every convo is ended there and then as mother never comes back to convo thread, so I end up wondering why I end up being a silent spectator! These attention-seeking kids will be the same when adults. It is not their fault if the parents do not correct them and teach them social graces!

Very annoying. When my children and grandchildren were young I taught them to put a hand on my shoulder which I then covered with my own hand to acknowledge that they wanted to talk and then responded to them when there was a natural break in the adult conversation. They were able to pick this up from the age of 2 and it worked really well.

I have a toddler and this behaviour really grinds my gears. I think its a bad combo of overindulgence and lack of confidence tbh. Lots of ftm are like this compared to those with 2+ kids. As much as toddlers and babies demand lots of attention, personally I think half of your role as mum is to foster independence and social skills. They don’t come right away but being completely fixed on their every last possible and potential need does not help a child’s confidence or help them gain independence. Its all about balance

Children are people too, and it’s unreasonable to take a small child to a house where there are no other small people, no toys etc and expect them to sit there quietly with no one to talk to while the adults converse. Perhaps an evening meet up would suit you and everyone else more?

I don’t think anyone has said they expect a toddler to sit on a chair and say nothing for hours in a house with no toys for them

Although I’m pretty sure as a child I had to endure that exact scenario many times and i loved to tell the tale. It’s ok for kids to feel boredom sometimes

I do agree with this in general. But equally what some people do in certain situations (eg at a childfree friend’s house) might be different to what they do in other scenarios, not because they are rude, but because they might for example be feeling more anxious about the toddler damaging something or having a wee accident which would be more disruptive than over-anticipating their needs might be. I can also see how it is very annoying, and yes obviously there are plenty of rude people out there who become parents (and plenty who don’t - I have dropped the single friend who came to my house to visit me with a new baby and spent almost the entire time on her phone), but the OP doesn’t necessarily know how things would have panned out without the parent of toddler behaving that way. Maybe it would have been fine, or maybe she would have found it even harder to talk to her friend.

I don’t think anyone has said it’s not ok for children to feel bored. It’s more a safety/damage limitation issue with toddlers though. Let a bored toddler loose in a friend’s house and you would end up with a different thread but an equally miffed friend.

I'm on the fence with this. I was trying to have a conversation with my mum the other day and my kids constantly kept interrupting us. I had to have a word with them about being rude and they should wait their turn to speak. But I wouldn't ask them to be silent completely because I don't think that is very fair, and shows no respect for the children.
If we want peace to talk properly I will ask them to play in their rooms for a while.

I can't say it annoys me particularly... but I'm old-school and won't be interrupted by a child.
This stems from being an infant school teacher for 10 years before my own kids came along. I mostly did Reception and Year 1, which are the kings of tapping me until I pay attention.
I got very good at saying things like, "you need to wait a moment, I'm talking to Mrs Green/Charlie/Amy."
"Please don't tap me, I'm not a dog. You need to wait until I've finished talking to this person, and then I can talk to you."
"Wait please. Stand here, and I can talk to you after I've finished talking to Lizzie."

I personally think you can't control a class of 25 4/5 year olds, without being a little bit old-school over things like that. I physically can't speak to all of them, one on one, at one time.

A LOT of my teaching techniques have carried over to my own children!

@girlmom21 oh I see. Nuance not a thing in your world? Because OP only mentioned those two things then only those two things are happening - not that they’re just two items in a monologue from the child to the mum.

Even toddlers can be told “just a minute” or be sat on a lap for cuddles without the mother having to have a conversation with the child about it. I managed it .

What do those of you with more than one child do when they both want your attention? Do you not have the skills to tell one that they need to wait a second because their sibling is telling you something?

Maybe I’m less precious about this because my first were twins so there was always an element of having to wait for their turn.

Who are you talking to? People who can see there might be more going on than what the OP sees (a different kind of nuance perhaps)? My eldest learnt to wait using the hand on arm method long ago, and my younger toddler is learning that but it’s a work in progress.