Mums who overtalk friends to speak with their kids?

[Bellysmackers]

Have times changed? When I was young I was taught to keepe quiet when adults were speaking.

I don't have children myself, but have friends who do, and I've noticed that when they visit with their toddlers I can't get a word in edgeways! Mum is constantly chatting away to the child/asking if he needs a wee/wants an apple blah blah. I end up in most cases just sitting and watching them interact. It's as though I'm not even there I find it pretty rude tbh and wonder why they even bothered visiting.

I completely understand children are demanding and need attention- but sometimes halfway through a sentence they just randomly lose total interest. It's as though they are all consumed by Motherhood and have totally forgotten how to hold an adult convo!

Thoughts...

It's absolutely OK to expect a child of a certain age to wait a minute or two. I'm a teacher and have seen the consequences of children being allowed to constantly butt into conversations, again and again. It is absolutely fine, correction, healthy, for children to develop the ability to hold what they were going to say for a short while or to go and try to work an issue out by themselves/with their peers. Obviously emergencies are excluded from this, and are pretty easy to rule out.

I particularly hate people who overtalk their friends to talk to their dogs. Don’t mind people who do this with children.

@ElizaJones It's more than ok to teach a child of an appropriate age that they can't just butt into someone else's conversation and demand the attention of the room. That's not acceptable for an adult to do, and if they don't learn as a child then when will they?

Why should a child want or have to sit quietly while parents chat on for hours? Boring for them. When mine were little if I wanted to have quality uninterrupted time with friends I made arrangements to see them socially without the kids around. I agree that kids shouldn't interrupt but if the conversation is going on a while then of course they will get bored and interrupt at times.

I let those friendships lapse.
I don't mind a certain amount of chatter to keep little ones happy, but I'm there to visit the friend not watch adoringly as they blank me.

So true.. I have said things like ‘oh well, never mind!’ Or ‘Sorry for boring you!’ And they don’t notice or react to that either.

Why did the parents of parents these days bring their children up to think it was ok for their children to interrupt adults speaking? Or maybe it’s their parents who are to blame, for bringing up children who brought up children who thought it was ok to interrupt adult conversation? Parents those days, tut tut

You don't have children, so you can't comment. Toddlers especially cannot be taught not to speak when adults are talking! It's ridiculous to even think they would have the mental capacity to understand!

Toddlers can understand you are talking to somebody else. And op is allowed to have an opinion!

If you have a child come back and let us know how you get on.

Can tell you don’t have kids OP.

This is perfect.
Reassuring, polite, perfect.

It's not about that though is it? It's about teaching children that they can't interrupt people who are having a conversation. They need to learn these life skills so that they don't turn into adults who think the world revolves around them and them only.

My eldest interrupts all the time, despite being told off for it. Nothing seems to work. Especially when my husband is talking. It’s like he is invisible.

Jesus christ, totally OTT

Well we know what sort of parent you are don't we?

You’re being unrealistic if you think you can have a normal adult conversation with a toddler around! My friend and I were commenting recently that, now our children are a bit older, we finally get to speak to each other when we meet.

I’ve never had an issue with a parent caring for their toddler while with me. I’m an adult and can therefore understand that small children have yet to master etiquette. I’ve actually noticed the opposite far more often. Adults talking over children as if they don’t exist! Children learn by imitation. If you want them to treat others with respect, treat them with some.

I agree to an extent. When my children interrupt a conversation I tell them to wait their turn, but I've noticed a lot of my friends with similar aged kids (primary) don't do that. I can understand with a toddler because they are a bit young to understand social norms etc. It's annoying when I'm in the middle of talking to a friend about something and they turn their attention to their 7 year old who wants to show off their dance routine etc.

Generally speaking I agree with you. Children - in order to become well formed adults - do need to learn not to interrupt.

It is harder when they have ADHD or similar - for them to remember to wait - but you still need to remind them to “hold on a moment” when someone else is speaking.

However, there is a flip side when some adults just plough on and on, starting new sentence after new sentence, when they can see a child is waiting to speak. There’s only so long a small child can be kept waiting reasonably.

I don’t think th eOP realises that in many situations the parent is behaving in a way that allows what little conversation they are having.

⬆️ Exactly this ⬆️

I don't have children myself

This statement alone speaks volumes.

Keep this post active until you do have kids

😂

Some adults also never learn not to interrupt- my Dad is a terrible example and will just walk into a room and cut across everyone. Even though my Mum tells him every time!

I don’t think his parents were over indulgent though - if anything his Dad was horribly strict to the extent he won’t talk about it.

“You just have to stop what you were saying and wait and it’s sort of embarrassing because you feel like you were boring them or they weren’t listening.”

you kind of have to get over this really if you continue to see friends with their children present. You aren’t boring them, and it’s not that they weren’t listening. If they didn’t attend to their child it’s not because you’re so fascinating and they are listening so attentively. Just see them without children if you can’t stop yourself Thinking along these lines. It’s not ideal from a parents’ point of view either, keeping an ear out and anticipating things that will need to be dealt with. They aren’t trying to make you feel crap, most are trying to allow as much conversation as possible