To feel disturbed that DD (4) received this through the door?

[Greenginghamdress]

I got home tonight to find my partner with something to show me. He said " I didn't want to tell you this at work but two little girls put this through the letterbox for DD". (She is 4). It is a nice looking card with DDs name on, but with a nasty note inside, signed from a name of a little girl who lives round the corner.

We have a google doorbell and can see two girls dropped it through this afternoon. The 2 girls are from our estate, aged 8 and 4. The girls are good friends with each other but lately the younger one has been playing with DD. She even came to our house last week to play briefly! When they were playing I heard little girl say 'so you known DDs name I don't want to be friends anymore' . DD didn't seem bothered and later on they seemed fine.

The handwriting is good, I don't think the 4 year old has done this.

We haven't told or shown DD on anyone else.

What to do about it? I do not know the mums well. It seems very nasty and can't believe this sort if thing happens so young now!
Tell me if I over reacting. What would you do?

@Cocoatheclown If it was an adults writing, that's even worse

No NT or literate adult wrote that, it’s an eight year olds writing all day long.

My partner says if we see them next time we talk through it.
Definitely don't speak to them without the parents there.

I was never allowed to roam the streets as a child or ever had local friends. I think my parents made a wise decision. Good idea to shut down the social interactions.

Take he card to the 4 yo's mum and tell her the 8 yo posted it through your door with her dd and you are assuming the 8 yo was the ring leader and ask if she has the 8 yo mums details.

Play it by ear depending on her reaction, by go in assuming she will be equally unhappy with this.

That's awful

I don't understand why people think it's not an 8 year old's writing though - it is! It's very comparable to my 8 year old's writing. Definitely speak to parents

So sorry this has happened, it's terrible
X

I've taught 4 year olds who could write like that - the 4 year old could have written it, but not independently, so possibly copied from something the 8 year old wrote.
It's poor quality handwriting for an 8 year old. I taught Year 3 for several years and only the ones with difficulties with learning and/or fine motor control wrote like that. It could be the 8 year old, but most 8 year olds write better than that.

Go round to the mums and have a word

Anyway, should have said above, it's actually not relevant who wrote it - the 4 year old did not do this on her own. The 8 year old was behind this and it needs to be dealt with by speaking to the parents of both children.

What? Where on earth do you live that if a parent came to speak to you regarding your child doing something unkind they would tell you to fuck off?

I have a 9 year old and I would absolutely want to be told if she had done anything like this.

On the plus side even if your 4 year old did find it could she even read it?! My 4yo definitely couldn't.

Definitely have a word, that's awful.

Though some parents don't react well to any criticism of their children. A group of lads (mostly from the same household - they have four 🙄) were being twats to DDs and other kids when they were playing out, general bullying/intimidation and I soon realised it was likely because their dad is a total bullying/aggressive arsehole. When DD2 had her arm in a cast and one of them (much bigger and older, and was also being a pest to DD1 at school) shoved her into a hedge I went out and went apeshit at him and nothing like that never happened again. He started being actually nice to DD1 at school as well!

Honestly there is some real over-dramatising on this thread. Have you forgotten what being 8 is like?! It's v bad behaviour but it's not 'chilling' or 'dangerous' it's a kid being horrible. She is 8 not an adult (and yes that is classic 8 yr old writing) and is feeling pushed out by your DD and is behaving absolutely terribly in response but jeez don't you remember playground dramas at that age??

Yes, it needs a chat with whichever kid's parent you feel comfortable chatting to but you don't need to call a Hollywood production team to see if they'd like to adapt the story, fgs.

@Greenginghamdress

Why does it give you chills?

An overreaction right there

The kids were dicks, children are dicks all over the country. And most are at least once in their lives.

What does having four children got to do with anything?

Don't approach the children directly, contact the parent you can to make them aware so they can deal with it. I would tackle it from an attempt at a silly prank and the youngest is unlikely to be the instigator, but all the same you would want to know if positions were reversed, and can share the ring doorbell footage if she wants.

My friend's little brother received an anti-valentines card one year, it was a card filled with horrible things. But I don't think it signifies anything other than young children egging each other on, and needs nothing more than a stern talking to and closer supervision of what they're doing.

Its creepy that an 8 year old is hanging around 4 year olds that arent related to her or one of her friend group.

She is DOUBLE their age and entering 'pre-teen' while they are barely leaving 'toddler' so likely have nothing in common except she can control them (very common for older kids to try an assert dominance over younger children).

Does the other 4 year old parents know shes hanging out with this 8 year old?

It definately needs addressing, I would let the other 4 year olds parent know whats going on and definately need to speak to the 8 year olds parents.

Op please ignore those trying to scare you and tell you an adult wrote that, they clearly didn’t. Pop round and see rhe parents, don’t make accusations just say I saw the girls pop this through and am a little concerned, so just letting you know.

Wow mean girls in the making! Id speak to the kids directly tbh. Say that you received the note through the door and could see it was them on the camera and what do they have to say about it? Id be mortified if it was my child. I would also pay a visit to parents.

And 4 yo roaming round on an estate is far too young without parental supervision

Sometimes MN threads go from the sublime to the ridiculous..... It doesn't look like an adults handwriting to me. And although I'm sure not unheard of logically it's far more likely the kid(s) that did this. The kids don't need villainising, they're most likely not Ted Bundy in the making but it does need dealing with OP. I wouldn't challenge the kids alone at all. You leave yourself open to a whole cocktail of stories that they could spin about the situation. Just go to the parent's without delay and let them know matter-of-factly that this has happened. If you get the wrong response then tell them that's their choice to think this way and that they need to keep their kids away from your daughter. Job done. If you pussyfoot around them and don't stick up for your dd then how on earth do you expect her to learn how to be assertive herself?! C'mon OP it'll take 5 minutes to nip over there and just tell the parents. No excuse for letting this slide and the little punks need to know you're on to them. If the 8YO has half a brain cell then she must know it's you and not your kid who'll be reading this note so she's probably waiting for your reaction... show her politely and respectfully that you're not taking this crap

You need to talk to both parents, the 8 year old has become jealous and has roped the 4 year old in to try and separate them to get her friend back. This stuff happens.

I think it would be right to talk to the parents, but not in a "Disgusted of Tonbridge Wells" fashion. Just calmly saying what has happened and you thought they would like to know, as you would if your DD did similar.

I grew up in an estate in a disadvantaged area, I never had friends locally as I just couldn’t get on with these people, they were viscous even at a young age and I was quite soft/ airy fairy. My parents weren’t perfect but we would get taken out during the summer to the countryside etc even though we didn’t have a car.

The children on my street just hung out all day and rarely left the general neighborhood. Tbh if you’re living in an estate like I did the trouble will never go away, more children will be born meaning more unsupervised children/ teens to torment you. I would look in to moving if you can, not immediately but if things like this keep happening then I would.

Why is it creepy?

Sometimes children have joint interests that are younger than their age.

Wish people would stop trying to demonise an 8 year old

She wrote a mean note, big deal. She is hardly skinning cats and eating peoples babies.