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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel disturbed that DD (4) received this through the door?

258 replies

Greenginghamdress · 10/08/2022 22:43

I got home tonight to find my partner with something to show me. He said " I didn't want to tell you this at work but two little girls put this through the letterbox for DD". (She is 4). It is a nice looking card with DDs name on, but with a nasty note inside, signed from a name of a little girl who lives round the corner.

We have a google doorbell and can see two girls dropped it through this afternoon. The 2 girls are from our estate, aged 8 and 4. The girls are good friends with each other but lately the younger one has been playing with DD. She even came to our house last week to play briefly! When they were playing I heard little girl say 'so you known DDs name I don't want to be friends anymore' . DD didn't seem bothered and later on they seemed fine.

The handwriting is good, I don't think the 4 year old has done this.

We haven't told or shown DD on anyone else.

What to do about it? I do not know the mums well. It seems very nasty and can't believe this sort if thing happens so young now!
Tell me if I over reacting. What would you do?

To feel disturbed that DD (4) received this through the door?
OP posts:
Enough4me · 10/08/2022 23:09

The 8 year old is nasty and this could well be learnt behaviour. Show her parents the card, but if they make nothing of it I'd do a slow back away.
She likes the 4 year old as she can manipulate her.

OutofControl3 · 10/08/2022 23:10

I would mention it to the 4yr old mum so she can see what sort of girls she's letting her 4 year old play with. I mean I have a 4 year old and noway I'd let her play in a street anyway! That is definitely the 8year old writing ad it's on balance with my 7yr old they learn to do that cursive writing. That's horrible so sad that happend to your daughter.

holasoydora1 · 10/08/2022 23:17

Thats so sad that stuff like this happens so young!! I would definitely go round to both houses. The 4 year olds first, then the 8 year olds!

MovinOnUp · 10/08/2022 23:21

Can four year olds even read? She wouldn't have known what it said.
The eight year old probably told the wee one it said something entirely different.
Nip this in the bud with a visit to the four year olds mum.

Galvanisethis · 10/08/2022 23:26

That's so sad
I would have to speak to the parents and then depending on what they come back with, I'd probably cool it off and avoid them. It's troubling that an 8 year old would do something some nasty to a 4 year old. Clearly something is very off there...

GG1986 · 10/08/2022 23:27

That looks like an 8 year olds handwriting and she has made the 4 year old say it is from her, a 4 year old wouldn't stand up for themselves against an 8 year old. I would speak to the 4 years olds mum, take the card with you. Don't let your child go out to play with them anymore. Kids can be so vicious!

PandaBearBear · 10/08/2022 23:28

I have a 4 year old daughter and this is absolutely bonkers. She would never be allowed to 'play out' unsupervised with her 10 year old brother let alone an 8 year old neighbour.

There is no way the 4 year old had any role in the execution of this, they just dont have that kind of thought process yet.

If it was my 4 year old I'd definitely want to know this was happening so I could put an end to this bizarre 'friendship' but it's hard to imagine what kind of person has allowed for things to get to this stage anyway.

That is really awful and scary behaviour from the 8 year old, picking on a much younger child like that. Disgusting.

Sporty2022 · 10/08/2022 23:29

If I was the other 4 year olds parents I would be concerned about her friendship with the 8 year old, and obviously the content of the note. The older friend is the driving force behind this behaviour.
Most 8 year olds don’t hang around with 4 year olds- it’s quite a gap at that age.

I’d definitely have a polite conversation with both children’s parents.

FlissyPaps · 10/08/2022 23:30

Sounds as if the 8 year old is jealous her little friend has been playing with your DD. I’d be certain that the 8 year old wrote it.

Id be mortified if my 4 year old was roaming the streets of the estate with an 8 year old with no adult supervision. I’d tread carefully with the parents.

Cw122 · 10/08/2022 23:32

I definitely would go round and have a chat with their mum and just say I wanted to make you aware that this happened today, it's signed from your daughter and she's on our door cam delivering it. Just make sure you've an idea of what outcome you want before you go, do you want her to apologise, do you want to speak with her or are you happy to just talk to the mum and let her sort it as she sees fit.

LovelyDaaling · 10/08/2022 23:35

I'd start by visiting the 4year old's parents and showing them the card and photos. They are more likely to get the truthful story of what happened. Then visit the 8yr old's parents.

BlackWhiteRed · 10/08/2022 23:36

The parents of both girls need to know. Because if I was the parent of the 4 year old, I'd be stopping my daughter playing with the older girl.

Sinister and manipulative of her to sign it in the younger girl's name.

CuriousMama · 10/08/2022 23:39

I agree something strange going on with the 8 year old

CherryBlossomAutumn · 10/08/2022 23:40

A 4 year old in the care of an 8 year old is not on. If another mum is happy about her 4 year playing out then anything could be happening to her, just because it’s local doesn’t mean there isn’t harm. Often in the form of bullying, which is quite clearly going on.

MaggieFS · 10/08/2022 23:40

I think the 8 year old is jealous. Both sets of parents need to know.

Christinatherabbit · 10/08/2022 23:41

I would stop all contact immediately and let both parents know. Do not let the 8 year old anywhere near you dd

peanutbutterjelly2 · 10/08/2022 23:41

That's so mean. I'd want to raise it with both parents.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 10/08/2022 23:41

Are you saying an eight year old is basically looking after this 4 year old other girl with no parents around?!
I'd be calling ss never mind talking to their parent.

Oinkypig · 10/08/2022 23:44

That note is not from an 8 year old, it’s too regularly irregular, do the parents have an issue with you?

Wavygravy1 · 10/08/2022 23:44

I doubt the 4 year old’s mum would even care given she’s out unsupervised

ColdCottage · 10/08/2022 23:47

I'd chat to the parents. I bet they would be horrified.

ExpatAl · 10/08/2022 23:48

Holy crap, you’re absolutely right to be disturbed. I expect you’re upset too. It’s horrible to think of your 4 year old receiving something like this.
Definitely speak to the parents. That’s a strange dynamic - keep a close eye in it.

Original poster
Greenginghamdress · 10/08/2022 23:51

@Oinkypig I have no reason to believe they do.

That's a horrible thought.

OP posts:
WinterMusings · 10/08/2022 23:52

Not that blameless, she told the OP's daughter she didn't like her anymore when she was playing at their house.

maybe the 8yo write the card for the 4yo?
msybe the 8 yo is a troublemaker?

who knows?? Certainly not randoms on Mumsnet.

@Greenginghamdress I'd definitely go & see both sets of parents. I would be quite clear that they need telling to leave DD alone & that they're no longer welcome at your house. That you'll leave it there for now, but any more of this & you'll take it further.

DuggeeHugPlease · 10/08/2022 23:54

That's really sad. During lockdowns we quite often would write and post cards to my DDs friends (something to fill the time!) and she'd receive them back. She'd get so excited having post addressed to her and I'd let her open them herself. The thought of getting something like this is really upsetting.