To feel disturbed that DD (4) received this through the door?

[Greenginghamdress]

I got home tonight to find my partner with something to show me. He said " I didn't want to tell you this at work but two little girls put this through the letterbox for DD". (She is 4). It is a nice looking card with DDs name on, but with a nasty note inside, signed from a name of a little girl who lives round the corner.

We have a google doorbell and can see two girls dropped it through this afternoon. The 2 girls are from our estate, aged 8 and 4. The girls are good friends with each other but lately the younger one has been playing with DD. She even came to our house last week to play briefly! When they were playing I heard little girl say 'so you known DDs name I don't want to be friends anymore' . DD didn't seem bothered and later on they seemed fine.

The handwriting is good, I don't think the 4 year old has done this.

We haven't told or shown DD on anyone else.

What to do about it? I do not know the mums well. It seems very nasty and can't believe this sort if thing happens so young now!
Tell me if I over reacting. What would you do?

If the 4yr olds mum isn't bothered by her playing out, she probably won't care about this! As long as the kid is out of the house she probably doesn't care that the older child is horrible.

I absolutely would not speak to the kids directly, you cannot rely apon children of that age to accurately report back what's been said to them and it could start trouble between yourself and their parents.

This needs dealing with directly with the parents. If it were one of my kids, I'd want to know.

100% an eight year olds writing. How horrible for you and I’m so glad you were able to intercept it. Why are children so unkind? In my experience girls so much more so. I would speak to the mothers of both girls. I would be hopeful that the mother would be equally appalled and have a word with her daughter. Unfortunately it seems to be more the case now that parents don’t seem to care about these things which is just so sad.

She will care if there’s a SS threat to counter any blasé indifference that OP might encounter.

@drawacircleroundit

Yes because SS will give a shit

No tweens girls and toddler do not 'share interests' unless the tween has some medical condition where they are delayed if so they are highly unlikely to be exibiting standard tween girl meaness.

If this was an 17 year old and 8 year old who where going around unsupervised and thretening another child would you be saying 'its nothing sinister, maybe the 17 year old just share interests with someone half their age'?

Frankly a tween and teen are more likely to have stuff in common too.

No one 'deamonised' anyone, what the 8 year old is doing is within 'normal' developement of attempting control and pushing boundries but its INAPPROPRIATE developement that should be stopped by adults.

An eight year old is not a 'tween'. They are a child, with a child's critical thinking ability and lack of emotional control.

Hanging out with a 4 year old is not creepy and the 'half their age' complaint is just utter hogwash. Are you saying a 1 and 2 year old can't play together or that a 30 year old should never chat to a 60 year old in the pub? As if an 8 yr old playing with a 4 yr old is the same as an 8 yr old and a 16 year old mixing socially!

@mam0918

An 8 year old isn't a tween ffs

Maybe look up terms before using them in future. Tweens are categorised as between 10-12

I'd have to speak to the parents about that. How horrible for your daughter. I'd want to know if my child was doing that.

tweens are 8-12 maybe YOU should look it up.

Disorders like that and npd form in early childhood even though they can't be officially diagnosed into adulthood

Oh FFS. This is peak Mumsnet. An 8 year old child writing a nasty message to another child is not a sign of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a condition btw that MN has a completely weird obsession with. I've worked with people with MH issues in various capacities my whole adult life and never once come into contact with anyone with a diagnosis of NPD yet half of MN have a SIL with it apparently! Look, of course the note is unpleasant and it needs to be addressed with the parents for sure, but demonising an 8 year old by calling them "creepy", "dangerous", "psycho", "disturbing" and the many other OTT things she's been called on this thread on the basis of this one incident is ridiculous.

Sometimes a good kid goes through a difficult time (parental separation, bereavement, bullying at school etc) and it comes out through their behaviour. Some kids have learning needs or social communication issues that make navigating friendships confusing and they don't know how to cope with it. Sometimes kids just do random things without thinking about the consequences. There could be lots of reasons a child might do something like this, aside from them being a future serial killer.

www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-d&q=Tween+age

Just go around and see the parents. I'd have been straight there, not really sure what there is to debate about.

Like others, I’d imagine the 4 year old’s parents would be unhappy that the 8 year old is involving her in this kind of bullying behaviour. So I’d probably start there and frame it as a ‘this happened. I thought you’d like to know’ thing.

Similarly with the 8 year old’s parents, I’d be going with the FYI approach. No anger. No requirement to know what the consequences are. Just information and most definitely not seeking out contact between your DD and the other girls, particularly the 8 year old.

A 4 year old isn't a toddler and an 8 year old isn't a tween. It's not the same as an 8 year and and 17 year old hanging around. The 4 year old has a 7 year old sibling, which is relevant. Clearly more supervision is needed, but it's not sinister.

I agree this is appalling and should be addressed with parents straight away but who the hell let's their 4 year old out unsupervised and doesn't know where they are? It's not 1975 have they learned nothing from child abductions and murders it is too young and 8 year olds can't be responsible for them either wtf is wrong with people

Do not talk to the children!!! You talk to their parents otherwise you will be seen as the ones in the wrong intimidating children.

I would definitely speak to the 4 year olds parents. She's far too young to realise that this was very wrong and is presumably being used and manipulated by the 8 year old.

The 8 year old is also very young and it's a bit disturbing to see her behaving like this. At the very least it needs nipping in the bud. I'd have a word with her parent/s as well, and keep a bit of an eye out to make sure she doesn't cause any more hassle around your daughter.

I agree speaking directly to the children would be inadvisable. I did this once to a group of kids who then twisted it around and reported I had said the opposite. I then had to sort it out with one very indignant father.

That's a very advanced 'y' for an 9 year old.

I would bring it up with the parents.
Very nasty behaviour and no reflection on your daughter of course, she is only 4.
I would definitely distance her from them.

@Mamamia7962 what a strange comment. My 9yo and 5yo are really close and my 9yo and her 5yo cousin play lovely together too.

@ImpartialMongoose I thought it was terrible handwriting for an 8yo

How do you actually function in life as an adult if you can't work out that you need to speak to the kids parents without mn telling you to and holding your hand?