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Original poster

To feel disturbed that DD (4) received this through the door?

258 replies

Greenginghamdress · 10/08/2022 22:43

I got home tonight to find my partner with something to show me. He said " I didn't want to tell you this at work but two little girls put this through the letterbox for DD". (She is 4). It is a nice looking card with DDs name on, but with a nasty note inside, signed from a name of a little girl who lives round the corner.

We have a google doorbell and can see two girls dropped it through this afternoon. The 2 girls are from our estate, aged 8 and 4. The girls are good friends with each other but lately the younger one has been playing with DD. She even came to our house last week to play briefly! When they were playing I heard little girl say 'so you known DDs name I don't want to be friends anymore' . DD didn't seem bothered and later on they seemed fine.

The handwriting is good, I don't think the 4 year old has done this.

We haven't told or shown DD on anyone else.

What to do about it? I do not know the mums well. It seems very nasty and can't believe this sort if thing happens so young now!
Tell me if I over reacting. What would you do?

To feel disturbed that DD (4) received this through the door?
OP posts:
Spidey66 · 11/08/2022 07:17

4 year olds haven't started school and are unlikely to be able to read and write any more than their name, and then in a very childlike way (duh! They're children!)

The 8 year old wrote it.

otherusername · 11/08/2022 07:20

It's not really ok for a 4 year old to be roaming the streets unsupervised (and being in the care of an unrelated 8 year is effectively unsupervised), if the parents think that's ok they are unlikely to be decent people. I'd report the lack of supervision to social services, I know some people would say keep your nose out but how would you feel if something awful happened?

GretaVanFleet · 11/08/2022 07:29

I think I would put it in the bin and forget about it.

TaureanGemini · 11/08/2022 07:31

That's nasty behaviour and probable but not guaranteed that it came from the older girl. Kids aren't fully aware of the consequences of their actions but still deserve a rollicking nonetheless. It needs to be nipped in the bud, OP. Like others have said, it doesn't have to be a showdown but if they are half decent parents they'll want to know what they've been up to. I'd be mortified if one of mine had sent a card like that. Thank god your daughter didn't see it.

otherusername · 11/08/2022 07:34

It's not really ok for a 4 year old to be roaming the streets unsupervised (and being in the care of an unrelated 8 year is effectively unsupervised), if the parents think that's ok they are unlikely to be decent people. I'd report the lack of supervision to social services, I know some people would say keep your nose out but how would you feel if something awful happened?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 11/08/2022 07:42

That’s awful. I’d definitely have to go and talk to their parents. if only to protect my own DD.
but also to stop the bullying behaviour in its tracks.

ShepherdMoons · 11/08/2022 08:08

They sound weird and bored, you could try speaking to the parents. I think I'd be hopping mad and want to give the kids a piece of my mind too! If your dd hasn't seen it though I wouldn't tell her.

Prettypussy · 11/08/2022 08:09

That's not an eight year olds writing- most eight year olds will write with a cursive script- at least they do in my school, because it's a requirement of SATs so most schools teach it from an early age. Our average year 3/4 child's writing does not look like this unless they are disguising it!

Zestro · 11/08/2022 08:10

@Greenginghamdress I think 8 is the age when bullying can become more elaborate. Oddly enough, only the other week I unzipped a pocket on my 9 year olds trousers to find a note - quite a long one - deposited by a girl in his holiday club who is in his school class and making a long list of how he is ‘weird’. He hadn’t even shown it to me which disturbed me further as he seemed pretty resigned. I thought poison pen letters were a thing of the Enid Blyton school girl yarns. Clearly not and clearly a precursor to mean mobile messaging.

Sswhinesthebest · 11/08/2022 08:16

Yup speak to both parents.

birthdaytou · 11/08/2022 08:17

Kids do all sorts of weird things, all have the potential to do mean things, the 8 year old may feel jealous or will have some other reason for doing this, best to go speak to the parents and get it sorted quickly. Sorry you have to deal with this. Good your little one is non the wiser.

Prinnny · 11/08/2022 08:18

That’s awful, I would definitely be going to the door of both parents and hopefully they’ll be horrified in their child’s actions. I know I would be.

justmaybenot · 11/08/2022 08:23

Show it to the parents and let them deal with it, don't have any more involvement than that. Kids can be really nasty, especially when they're bored but this is their parents' problem, not yours.

C8H10N4O2 · 11/08/2022 08:24

otherusername · 11/08/2022 07:34

It's not really ok for a 4 year old to be roaming the streets unsupervised (and being in the care of an unrelated 8 year is effectively unsupervised), if the parents think that's ok they are unlikely to be decent people. I'd report the lack of supervision to social services, I know some people would say keep your nose out but how would you feel if something awful happened?

The OP lives in a quiet cul de sac where children play outside. Not Beirut.

OP: its not that unusual for children of different ages to play together in a local environment - kids play with whoever is available. In school they will tend to stick to their own age.

Either way you need to speak to both sets of parents and nip any problems in the bud. Most likely its a moment of envy or similar, rather than the next serial killer in embryo but you should follow it up.

vroom321 · 11/08/2022 08:37

I'm not sure the 4YO mum will do anything as she will have lost her "babysitter" the 8YO sounds threatened that the 4YO has another friend.

Definitely speak to both parents. The 4YO might end up like the other girl if they are allowed unsupervised play for years to come.

icelollycraving · 11/08/2022 08:46

Just grab the girls at the swings like in The hand that rocks the cradle 😉

SendersSea · 11/08/2022 08:47

Show it to the 4 year old's parents and let them deal with the 8 year old's parents. Keep a close eye on your dc and don't let her play out by herself until she is at least 8 or 9. Teach her to stand up for herself and send her to martial arts classes when she is a bit older. Sounds like a tough estate. Saying that I know of a girl from a very middle class family with lovely parents who kept a hit list with names of kids she'd kill. She's now 12 and still a bit of a character.

Zonder · 11/08/2022 08:53

I would speak to the parent of the 4 yr old and explain that you saw her and the 8 yr old on the camera, and that maybe the younger child is being influenced.

user1471538283 · 11/08/2022 08:54

If this were my DS I would want to know and I would stop it. If it happened to him I would be straight round there.

It sounds like the 8 year old is troubled, no ordinary 8 year old plays with an unrelated 4 year old on their own. From my limited experience most 8 year olds do not want to play with a related 4 year old.

Whether or not the 8 year old is troubled this is not your concern. It does not happen again.

BertieBotts · 11/08/2022 08:54

It's from the 8yo. 8yo probably feels threatened that her 4yo friend will want to go off and play with the other 4yo (your DD) and so is trying to create bad feeling between them. The 4yo probably doesn't care because at that age they aren't really into playground politics and will just play with whoever seems fun.

Talking to the 4yo's mum to arrange a private playdate seems like a good idea.

containsnuts · 11/08/2022 08:55

Going against the grain here but I would just ignore it. You're unlikely to get the response you need from either parent - I suspect they won't want to get involved since they seem happy leaving their kids to their own devices. I'd keep the card and the door bell footage incase I need them in the future and stop DD hanging around with them though.

ManateeFair · 11/08/2022 09:01

Yeah, it’s the 8-year-old that’s done this, obviously.

I do think you need to talk to the 4-year-old’s mum. Not to suggest it’s her DD’s fault (it isn’t; she’s only four) but to explain what has happened so she can stop her very young child playing with a much older girl who is teaching her to be a bully.

Not many eight year olds would want to play with a four year old in the first place, and I suspect the attraction for the eight year old is being able to manipulate the younger child. Not nice.

Trivester · 11/08/2022 09:03

I’m surprised at the vehemence of these responses.

They’re kids dealing with big emotions, without the maturity to understand the consequences. They need a little guidance from the adults in their lives not Armageddon.

I’d reach out to both sets of parents on that basis and keep it gentle. 8 might seem old enough to be a criminal mastermind when you have a 4 year old but that’s still very, very young.

PurplePinecone · 11/08/2022 09:10

I doubt the 4 year old knows how to read let alone write. So probably doesn't know what the card said. For all she knows she might have thought it said something nice. So would say it's the 8 year old that wrote it and manipulated the situation.

Nahimjustaworm · 11/08/2022 09:12

Trivester · 11/08/2022 09:03

I’m surprised at the vehemence of these responses.

They’re kids dealing with big emotions, without the maturity to understand the consequences. They need a little guidance from the adults in their lives not Armageddon.

I’d reach out to both sets of parents on that basis and keep it gentle. 8 might seem old enough to be a criminal mastermind when you have a 4 year old but that’s still very, very young.

I don't think the majority of the posts are especially malicious. Nobody seems out for the kid's blood and I agree they shouldn't be. However, most people would agree that this behaviour absolutely needs addressing. The OP needs to safeguard her own child and the parents of the other kids need to be given the opportunity at least to deal with their kid's behaviour as best they see fit. It sounds like the parent of the 4YO is in desperate need of an eyeopener of exactly what her (not much more than a) baby is getting up to when she's being looked after by a random 8YO. I don't think there's anything wrong with any of this...

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