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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL wants alone time with breastfed 3week old baby

158 replies

Ck2022 · 10/08/2022 19:10

MIL is annoyed and causing a fuss because she hasn't had alone with my 3week old baby. She hasn't looked after a baby since her youngest over 30 years ago, and even then she had a nanny she palmed her children off to. When she has been with DS all she does is shove her phone in his face to take pictures or facetime family and continually shout his name in his face. She won't change his nappy either.
How can I allow her to have alone time when she cannot feed him (he is BF and she has already had a go at me that he's not on bottles because she wants to feed him), she will not change his nappy and she does not keep him entertained.
AIBU to not give her alone time? I don't mind the odd half hour if I am in the house and DS can have a feed or nappy change if he needs it. But she wants me to leave DS with her for complete alone time.

OP posts:
coconutpie · 10/08/2022 19:11

He's 3 weeks old!!! You do not give her alone time. The fact that she is demanding it would mean I would not be giving her alone time. I think it's very weird tbh.

Davros · 10/08/2022 19:12

No. She needs to trot on

Haus1234 · 10/08/2022 19:12

She is being ridiculous and has no need for “alone time” at this age. Wait until the baby is a bit older!

FizzyTango · 10/08/2022 19:12

Complete alone time is just weird, especially as she can meet basic needs. But even if she could, it's still just weird. Why do grandparents go crazy like this...Tell her to fuck off.

FizzyTango · 10/08/2022 19:13

*cant meet basic needs that should say!

Summersnearlygone · 10/08/2022 19:13

Absolutely not, don't pander to her

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 10/08/2022 19:13

Buy her a doll for Xmas.. Bloody hate people who act like her.

Brigante9 · 10/08/2022 19:13

Why on earth does she want time alone with the baby? Just no, you don’t have to ever do this, regardless of her moaning on. Just get your Dh to explain in words of one syllable that an ebf baby cannot be away from its mother. She should not be harassing you, I’ve heard so many stories on here about pil/dps harassing new mothers for this and how they’re sure it led to pnd. Be firm, your baby, not hers.

PointersPlease · 10/08/2022 19:14

What is it with these grandmothers wanting alone time? I just dont get it.

Allschoolsareartschools · 10/08/2022 19:14

No she absolutely doesn't need time alone with your newborn. Your baby needs YOU, she obviously hasn't heard of the 4th trimester.
What exactly is she planning on doing? Alone time won't be practical for ages yet, I'd be telling dh to have a very clear talk with her as she sounds way out of touch where babies are concerned.
Congratulations on your newborn!

Amipreg1 · 10/08/2022 19:14

He's 3 weeks old. Of course she isn't entitled to have alone time with him.
Her attitude would put me off ever letting her have him on his own to be honest.
She has no rights to your baby, remember that.

BeanieTeen · 10/08/2022 19:15

Weird. Tell her no.

VimFuego101 · 10/08/2022 19:15

I don't understand why some grandparents have this obsession with alone time and sleepovers with their GC. If she can't take care of his basic needs (feeding, nappies) then why would she expect you to agree to this?

NoSquirrels · 10/08/2022 19:15

Anyone who demands anything that concerns a breastfeeding mother of a newborn can jog on. Feel free to tell her I said so.

RainbowsMoonbeams · 10/08/2022 19:15

This is a newborn baby…3 weeks old and breastfed. She is crazy and selfish wanting “alone time” with the baby so she can play mother.

wibblewobbleball · 10/08/2022 19:15

Your baby only needs you, and you also need your baby as a BF mum - do not give in.

Louisall · 10/08/2022 19:16

God she sounds absolutely horrible and insane, please please stand your ground and just say "No, that wouldn't work for us/I don't want that".
Why on earth would she need time alone with your baby - if she actually cared about the baby (and about you), she wouldn't even think to demand this.

BananaBlue · 10/08/2022 19:17

Congratulations on baby!

As it’s his mum, get DH to have a word.

My DM was pestering from about 6 weeks, my truthful response was that I couldn’t bare to be away from my (very very long awaited and fought for) baby or face the anxiety of that.

She got the arseholes over it but boundaries had to be set. My DH had a word too.

IceCreamWithSprinkles · 10/08/2022 19:17

God no! She’s viewing him as a shiny new toy! She can’t meet his needs, and her selfish attitude means I wouldn’t be entrusting him to her for a good many years yet!

lamaze1 · 10/08/2022 19:17

Let your husband set her straight by saying NO. Your child, your rules. Ignore MIL's tantrum and tell your husband to tell her to pack it in.

HangOnToYourself · 10/08/2022 19:18

She definitely needs to.chill out and doesnt need alone time. Although I'm not sure how exactly you expect her to keep a 3 week old "entertained" 😁

2bazookas · 10/08/2022 19:20

"Not yet, MIL.. when he's older. I'll decide when ."

X 99 till she gets it.

Rodion · 10/08/2022 19:21

If you find it hard to be assertive and an outright no is too hard to say, twisting it into a positive can be helpful. So instead of "no, I don't want to do that" you can say "absolutely when he's older, but for now alone time is just for DH and I". It's also suitability vague in terms of when she might get her wish so you can put her off indefinitely with that phrase!

Hshhshsh · 10/08/2022 19:21

Don't feel pressured and don't let her!! My SIL was the same and at 3 weeks asked when I was going to stop breastfeeding so she could take the baby out for the day! It's your baby, enjoy her all to yourself xx

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 10/08/2022 19:23

And your partner said "......