MIL wants alone time with breastfed 3week old baby

[Ck2022]

MIL is annoyed and causing a fuss because she hasn't had alone with my 3week old baby. She hasn't looked after a baby since her youngest over 30 years ago, and even then she had a nanny she palmed her children off to. When she has been with DS all she does is shove her phone in his face to take pictures or facetime family and continually shout his name in his face. She won't change his nappy either.
How can I allow her to have alone time when she cannot feed him (he is BF and she has already had a go at me that he's not on bottles because she wants to feed him), she will not change his nappy and she does not keep him entertained.
AIBU to not give her alone time? I don't mind the odd half hour if I am in the house and DS can have a feed or nappy change if he needs it. But she wants me to leave DS with her for complete alone time.

OMFG
No
I didn't even breastfeed and think this is a ridiculous idea
Why alone time??🙄

I looked after granddaughter from the start, in between feeds so daughter could relax in bath or sleep. But it was my daughter’s wish that I was happy to do, to help her recover. Certainly not done to meet my needs or ego and I happily did nappies from the start

You shouldn’t even have to justify why. I am glad to read the responses here though. I had a similar suggestion today from a family member, that I should leave my six day old bf baby with them and take my other children out, and when baby is hungry he can have a bottle. So supportive of me trying to establish breastfeeding/ not wanting to leave my newborn yet.

why the F does anyone want "alone" time with your child at that age?! he needs YOU - he needs his MOTHER

tell her to jog on, people like this really piss me off.

"i will let you know when i am comfortable to leave him alone with anyone else, it isnt yet. I am sure you will understand MIL"

Well she can’t have it, dense woman. I’m a granny, wouldn’t dream of making such a ridiculous demand.

Ultimately, though, not your problem, tell your husband to sort it out, you’ve enough to occupy you.

I am a proud grandmother and great grandmother and love them all but I have always waited to be asked if I wanted to help or look after them .
I wonder f your MIL would be happy to have her alone time once your son is passed the new born baby stage, or when he is a toddler and into everything and she needs to have eyes in the back of her neck?

As did my DM and DMIL (supported by DF/DFIL in making tea/coffee food etc).

They were a godsend when I was absolutely shattered and DH had gone back to work with a baby who slept in 2 hour stretches.

Thing is, as per your situation they were invited, respected boundaries and frankly were there to support me and not to "hog/showcase" the baby to their friends.

It's really sad to read threads like this because I know that family support can be a massive help.

My DM cooked "homemade ready meals" DH could pop in the oven after work and She and DF would do a general non intrusive tidy to help out (think a quick hoover and dusting rather than rummaging through the house). They'd (and PIL's - who lived further away but still helpful) come for a couple of hours and sometimes would only get a quick cuddle depending on how baby was.

I was really grateful to them and they never "overstepped". If unsure they'd ask me/DH about care and never once said "I used to do it this way".

Said "baby" is a adult and has a fab relationship with both sets of GP's (as do my DH and I).

I genuinely believe those very early weeks of bonding and trust (between all of us) made a big difference.

It's just so weird. She wants to take a newborn away from his mother so she can be on his own with him. Just why?

Stand your ground, op. My mil asked me twice times over one weekend if she could take my 1 week old newborn out for a walk. I said no twice. She then went behind my back and asked my husband if she could. Luckily he told her no chance was she taking his son away from his mother at 1 week old. I was breastfeeding too but I actually think this is irrelevant! I also don't understand why some grandparents need and pester for "alone time". She did it every single visit.

Not a chance. And my baby wasn’t BF at that point he was on bottles and I would still say no.

@kitcat15 Exactly my thoughts, I can't even imagine the conversation 🤔 I'm thinking OP misunderstood and the GM just wanted to help out and the OP took it the wrong way. It all just sounds a bit.. Dramatic

That’s just downright weird OP. But sometimes it’s the more bizarre requests that can leave you stumped for a response, it’s almost too ridiculous to entertain.

I think you have to treat it as such. So just laugh and say ‘oh MiL, as if’ or some such, and leave it.

This is deeply weird. Pathological in fact. Sorry OP.

LOL, what an own goal on MIL’s part.

Why hasn't your DH dealt with this especially as his father spoke to him.

Tell your DH to deal with it and tell him that you have enough to deal with without adding his mothers demands to your list.

Alone time?! Eurgh this whole situation chills me. What, so she can swan about in her home pretending your DS is hers? Weird. Tell her to forget it!

"alone time" with your baby?
That's a total no and she can do one.

It's comments like this that made me question whether to post this. Why would I make this up? @kitcat15 have a day with MIL and you can see for yourself not everyone makes stuff up for attention, but might want a bit of support.

Start implementing your boundaries now! She can huff and puff all she likes but she doesn’t get to say what happens.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby.

That’s another no chance!!

Why not go to the shop or for a walk for an hour.

If baby cries the entire time then so be it. Maybe she won’t be so quick to offer next time.

I think it’s ridiculous of her but I think I’d like to see her try just to shut her up.

WTF is alone time? How weird. And of course you can't if he's BF. Have you asked her what she'd do if he poos?

Use it to your advantage. Give her lots of 30 mins instead and grasp the chance for a shower and hot tea while you can. Sadly based on what you've said the novelty will probably soon wear off.

I wish MILs like this were a figment of imagination, a psychotic break tends to last less time than a psychotic MIL.....although mine actually caused me to have a psychotic break.

OP do not under any circumstances let this woman have alone time with your baby and if your husband doesn't want to back you up on that - RUN! (speaking from experience!).

Nope nope and nope again.

Your child, your rules.

Your DH needs to tell his mother to jog on and your FIL needs to tell her to stfu complaining.

She had her turn. She needs to back off.

Put boundaries in place. NOW.

I'd keep her at a distance if this is how she's being in the first 3 weeks of babys life.