Do beautiful women realize that ugly women are treated very differently?

[UglyNameChange]

My friend (who is very beautiful) got into a relationship not so long ago and said how she hopes I’ll be soon in one too - she knows I’d like a relationship also.
Well, few days ago she was telling me to just go to a bar and get chatted up with men, it won’t be long etc. and I’d just had to laugh, and asked her does she remember any man to ever have done that before and why would is sudenly have changed.
I think I accidentally made things akward because she went really quiet.
She pretty much can go anywhere and men will start up conversation or get asked out.

And this made me think if she genuinely thought we all have the same opportunities?

She was trying to be encouraging, but no encouragement will overcome your lack of self esteem. I hope you find the relationship you seek, but to do it you may have to draw upon self-confidence and give yourself a valuation you may not previously have accorded yourself.

In my experience no they don’t. I’ve been a size 6 and a size 22 and being pretty, young and skinny was like a different world, I was treated like a minor celebrity. If I had been a size 6 all my life I would have taken it for the norm.

No I don't think that they do realise op. Have you thought about online dating at all? I have a couple of friends who met their partners that way - much better than alcohol fuelled conversations in a bar!

@SavoirFlair

Honesty, self-esteem isin’t the issue.
I have a mirror, I know what beuty standards are, I can be honest and still love myself.
Self-esteem won’t fix genes.
It’s a bit rude to ignore it as just a self-esteem issue.
I could go around thinking I’m very attractive, men still won’t see me as one, and that’s fine.

Primarily, I doubt your friend sees you as “ugly”: most of us don’t look at our friends and gauge their attractiveness, we just see our friends who we love. She’ll be thinking of all the good things about you which she appreciates in your friendship.

They don't realise, how could they? On the other hand though, I don't envy beautiful women. They get a rougher deal in a lot of ways from what I can tell, because they are given special treatment on account of their looks (through no fault of their own), which is a precarious thing.

I've only ever been judged by my brains and abilities, because my looks are nothing special. Therefore I don't feel like I have anything to lose as I get older, and my success or failure is within my own control.

No one knows what it is like to be anyone but themselves, surely?!

That doesn't make your friend silly or you better than them. It's life.

I am sure you are right. Now add being dark skinned into the mixture and see how you are treated (by many people, not all).

@Allmarbleslost

I have tried online before, but it’s not ideal with the just pictures being the first selling point.

Most people don't realise what other people's lives are like. It's just very difficult to truly get into someone else's head, and also many people don't really observe what happens outside their tiny little world. Your friend might not even have realised you don't get men chatting to you.

She'll find out in time

Get out more. It's the only way. Not necessarily to bars, do things you are interested in.

When I tried online dating one of the men I met said I was the only woman he'd met who actually looked just like my photo.

Married 15 years now. Be yourself

Well she's not wrong, you could go to a bar and start chatting to people, rather than waiting for them to chat to you

It's what I've always done and I am in no way particularly attractive!

My dd has ‘pretty privilege’ - she is naturally very empathetic so has an idea but she has been so used to a certain level of attention and preferential treatment all her life so it would be difficult to know the opposite.

Her beauty however is not without its problems - she’s very lonely because it’s hard to make friends - girls think she’ll be a bitch and/or a threat (which she’s neither) and men only see her looks not her lovely nature. She gets freebies and upgrades without asking but also gets harassed by men the minute she steps out the door - she is pestered all the time in public. Therefore she is very distrustful and fearful of men and has to be really careful where she goes. As a teenager I would chaperone her everywhere but she felt like a prisoner and it affected her mental health. She wants to travel the world but it worries me sick because of the predatory nature of men wherever she goes. There is no respite.

Having seen what my dd goes through I’m glad I was a plain girl growing up. I certainly don’t envy what she goes through.

Not true.

Being attractive doesn’t always mean you have sex appeal. Work on your self esteem, and anyway bars are not somewhere I would hope to really find someone.

Oh, absolutely.
And to be honest, I didn’t start paying so much attention to how my friends of different race were treated until they told me what had been said or done to them.

Of course I was aware of racism, but micro aggressiveness and hearing personal experiences did open my eyes.

Even if you are not conventionally attractive you'll eventually get chatted up if you're alone or with less attractive women. They may not be your type of men but some will approach.
If you go out with your hot friend even if you are average you will be ignored next to her.
I do think it's a low self esteem issue. Even if you are genuinely factually unattractive, your response to her suggestion screams hopeless. Someone with your looks and confidence would see that they would be chatted up but a bar may not be the best place or the quality of men might not be to your taste. A person with a healthy self esteem would object to the place (bar) rather than say it wouldn't happen because of my looks.

Your friend may have sensed like you're trying to shame her or blame her for something she either works to maintain or was born having.

I really hope this doesn't offend any reader, but men can be very content if their woman has a fit slim body which is something you can largely control with diet and exercise, barring severe physical disabilities. My observation is that men generally care about body more than face or hair when it comes to attraction so do something about it (if you want).

BTW, the constant approaches and attention isn't all its cracked up to be. You feel watched and harassed as remember, it's not always welcomed attention from men you're actually interested in.

Exactly so. I've seen how men treat my beautiful friends and I wouldn't want it in a million years. Men are awful, I'm grateful that I don't get much of their attention.

I've never had a problem getting boyfriends though OP. This is about your self-esteem, not your friend's looks.

@easylisten

Certainly for me and my sister there’s an element of truth in this. By the way she was the looker not me. She’s got by mostly by being beautiful but is finding it harder to accept the inevitable in middle age. She now spends much more money on herself in cosmetic procedures because she’s aware she’s losing her looks.

Exactly.

Plus, if you talk about yourself - or feel that you are "ugly" - then that will come across in your manner.
I am no oil painting and never have been, but I am friendly and outgoing and I chat to people wherever I am. Unless you are on something so false as Love Island, then your smile and friendliness count massively in terms of making new friends and building relationships.

I'm not pretty (or young).

When I was young my friends and I developed a great strategy for getting "chatted up". You look like you're having fun and far to busy to be interested in them and somehow they come flocking.

We actually used to sometimes stand there saying "rhubarb rhubard" and laughing together. It never failed.

I think it's more how you seem than how you look. I'm sure pretty women have an easier ride, but that doesn't mean there's no hope for anyone else. Also, I think some men are scared of very attractive women, so unless you're hoping for a very attractive man (who usually won't be scared) that's in your favour too.

In my experience in my 48 years of observing others etc...it does boil down to personality, charisma etc. That's my experience anyway.