Do beautiful women realize that ugly women are treated very differently?

[UglyNameChange]

My friend (who is very beautiful) got into a relationship not so long ago and said how she hopes I’ll be soon in one too - she knows I’d like a relationship also.
Well, few days ago she was telling me to just go to a bar and get chatted up with men, it won’t be long etc. and I’d just had to laugh, and asked her does she remember any man to ever have done that before and why would is sudenly have changed.
I think I accidentally made things akward because she went really quiet.
She pretty much can go anywhere and men will start up conversation or get asked out.

And this made me think if she genuinely thought we all have the same opportunities?

There is an expectation in the media to look a certain way and fashions change. Currently the clone look is in with the eyebrows/lashes/nails/overdone make up and then there are the natural beauties - but what is beauty? It changes from culture to culture and over the ages.

I do think if you look a certain way you get an easier time. I do think that plain women have to have a better personality to overcome the initial lack of physical attraction. Is it right - no but it is what it is.

Define ugly!

Being pretty opens doors. The trouble is the type of people who walk through them.

If you’re struggling with just getting a foot in the door, you’ll need to find arenas and environments where looks aren’t the currency. A nightclub or bar isn’t that.

I could have written this about my dd
its fucking depressing

YABU

I always feel sorry for ugly men as women will get a man no matter what she looks like.

I joined a dating sites and had over 100 messages before my photo was even on there.

Of course if you’re truly not blessed in the looks department then you’re probably not going to get Brad Pitt talking to you.

I’ve also found the more beautiful the women, the more intimidated men are to speak to her.

I do think it’s about confidence.
Someone who is happy with their looks is going to be more confident and you’re instantly attracted to that.

If there were identical twins and one was well dressed, smelled nice, stood up straight, laughed, joined in conversations etc and the other didn’t care about their appearance as much, was hidden away and not speaking as much then they’d be less attractive than their first twin.

It sounds like you’re looking in the wrong places.
And tbh most of the men who do chat women up are only after a shag anyway.

Have you tried OLD?

I do think that plain women have to have a better personality to overcome the initial lack of physical attraction.

Your personality is who you are, it’s a sum of your interests, humour, intelligence, creativity, emotions, upbringing. sense of self, feelings towards others etc et . It isn’t something you artificially create dependent on how pretty your face is or how slim you are. I get you probably didn’t mean it this, but there’s an unpleasant dismissive implication that attractive women are vapid and shallow, and women don’t need other women running them down like that.

It is ridiculous to put it down to self-esteem.

Some of us look like shit. Tis an unfortunate fact of life!!

What was she meant to say OP, 'oh yea I forgot, I'more beautiful than you?' Imagine the post you'd have written on here if she'd done that! YABVU, you have a lovely kind friend. Just accept the compliment.

I always thought it was more how you came across, if you're confident and take care of yourself. I think I'm attractive but I'm a bubbly person when I'm out so end up always chatting to someone, male or female. I have however had countless men making me feel uncomfortable over the years with unwanted advances but I thought that happened to all women, which is a depressing thought.

You will have lots of qualities even if you don't believe you are conventionally attractive, but even that is subjective. For me, it changes how attractive I think someone is by how they behave. For example, if someone is rude or unkind I wouldn't fancy them at all or if I didn't think someone was 'my type' then they had a cracking sense of humour and a good person I would be attracted to them. Just go out, be confident and your self. You don't need to wait for men to come up to you, you can strike up a conversation with anyone when you're out. Maybe you unintentionally give off a lack of confidence or in another way seem unapproachable?

She probably doesn’t think you’re ‘ugly’. Most people are not ugly or indeed beautiful, just rather average looking. It’s all subjective anyway, your friend will not be considered ‘very beautiful’ to everyone by any means.

I had a situation like this a few years ago. My friend thought she was very ugly and thought I was exceptionally beautiful. I told her not to compare herself to others and that I definitely didn’t see her as an ugly person whatsoever which is true, I don’t. Ugliness is different to everyone but to me I personally find certain personality traits ugly and those people are ugly to me. Your friend obviously really likes you to be your friend so she won’t view you in the same way you view yourself. Give her a break.

By unapproachable I just meant guarded - wrong choice of words sorry!

For that reason I'd hardly call it privilege.

Privilege is a weird concept, since it implies some kind of responsibility or ownership of something that is mostly beyond the person's choice and control. However, it's well documented that good looking people are more likely to get the jobs they go for, are better paid, are given more opportunities to succeed in life. And also more likely to be in a happy relationship or have the partners you want. People rate good looking people as more trustworthy, more intelligent, and generally just better than others! So being good looking is definitely an advantage in many respects.

I'm sure there are disadvantages too, as pp have described. But as a decidedly plain person myself, I would love to be beautiful (even if I had to deal with sleazy men - trust me, being plain doesn't equal no sexual harrassment, sadly.) Even with the downsides, life is just easier for beautiful people.

But OP you'll meet someone! Do what you can to make the most of your looks, but don't think you need to be a supermodel to find love. As Roald Dahl said, "If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will never be ugly!"

I think women who are considered beautiful (and we also need to remember people find different types attractive) also have other issues to deal with which might not be so pleasant:

• they will get approached by a lot of player-type guys and those who are after a trophy girlfriend while decent, less confident guys who would probably be better potential partners won't approach them become they think beautiful women are out of their league. Or they attract the abusive, insecure type who can't cope with other men looking at their partner and take it out on the woman...
• if their value is only based on their beauty and they don't also develop their personality/talents, it will be harder for them as they age. You only have to look at some actresses and models who stop working as soon as they get a bit older because their success was only based on their physical appearance. The ones who last are the ones with the personality and real talent
• People will take them less seriously
• Some women will resent them and not trust them because they think will run off with their partner so they might find it harder to make female friendships.

I personally got to a point where I am happy in my skin and happy just to be who I am. I no longer worry about whether men or anyone else finds me attractive or not. If people only want to judge me on how I look it is their problem, not mine.

"I always feel sorry for ugly men as women will get a man no matter what she looks like."

But we all have types, so ugly is subjective.

I didn't realise I had pretty privilege, but the harrasment was extreme and it does change your personality and affect how you Interact with people. Before I was in my 30's I didn't get sexism as much as I do now.

Pretty privilege. It's a thing.

As Roald Dahl said, "If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will never be ugly!"

Love this!

I think almost all young women get harassed by men and boys. You don't have to be model-like in appearance, just being young and female is enough.

Unless she's lived both worlds she probably just doesn't understand. I've spent a lot of my life a size 8 and a lot a size 16 and you are treated completely differently. Age is also a factor.
But both have their downsides and benefits though.

Honestly, I think it balances out. Attractive young women get underestimated a lot, harassed a lot and not seen for themselves, just prized for their appearance.

Misogyny gets you one way or the other as a younger woman. It all starts to even out with age. I think a lot of good looking women actually welcome becoming slightly less “visible”.

Being confident and fun to be around is what men like, You must have noticed how some women who are far from beautiful get a lot of attention

No they don't.

I did not realise how much pretty and thin privileged I had until I lost it.

Where was the compliment?

@UWhatNow completely agree, this is exactly what my daughter has been going through. She finds it very hard making lasting female friends and gets hit upon by men all the time. Only yesterday she went up to a counter in a bank to cash in a check and the guy behind the desk gave her his tel no. She obviously was not interested as this happens a lot.
As for travelling alone, I have advised against this as you say there are so many predatory men around and she would be a target.
I have always told her brains before beauty and thankfully she has completed her degree and is now in a grad role.
If she had a choice I think she would prefer to be normal looking and have more female friends.

The beautiful (heterosexual) women I know have mostly ended up in relationships with really shitty guys, especially when they are younger. The normal, nice men assume she wouldn't be interested, leaving only the narcissistic guys who think they deserve a hot girlfriend to actually approach her.

Honestly no.

Beautiful looking women most definitely get the most attention.
After that most important thing seems to be just laughing whatever the man is saying/doing.