Do beautiful women realize that ugly women are treated very differently?

[UglyNameChange]

My friend (who is very beautiful) got into a relationship not so long ago and said how she hopes I’ll be soon in one too - she knows I’d like a relationship also.
Well, few days ago she was telling me to just go to a bar and get chatted up with men, it won’t be long etc. and I’d just had to laugh, and asked her does she remember any man to ever have done that before and why would is sudenly have changed.
I think I accidentally made things akward because she went really quiet.
She pretty much can go anywhere and men will start up conversation or get asked out.

And this made me think if she genuinely thought we all have the same opportunities?

This thread is all about men and how crap ones treat women according to their looks.

But research does suggest that ALL humans react more favourably to attractive people; those beautiful women getting more jobs are getting them from other women as well as men for example.

I had this exact conversation with a friend of mine (we are both well into our 40s) when we were out together and a waiter was totally unhelpful and rude to me but lovely to her, and she was wondering about it. I hadn't even noticed his behaviour to me particularly but was not remotely surprised when she got better service. She told me what the OP has been told on here (self esteem etc, along with a dollop of 'you're beautiful' - I'm not) but another (less attractive than her) friend who watched on silently came up to me afterwards to say she knew exactly what I meant.

In the workplace I see how much more attention more attractive people get in meeting, how people are clearly friendly and more interested in them. I totally understand it also opens the door to shit behaviour, although obviously having strange men shout at me in the street that they wouldn't fuck me is a joy too.

People who are used to existing in a world that fits them and their appearance aren't going to understand what it's like to not be considered 'acceptable'.

I would say I'm pretty average but now a bit fat too so maybe below average. When I was younger I hated my looks and not being the one anyone liked, however I have had relationships which were all pretty healthy, I am respected in my job and I have never been massively harassed. Obviously this should be the case for everyone but it hasn't been for my more beautiful friends. Also now I'm 40s I feel I'm getting better with age (other than my jiggly bottom)

I remember losing a ton of weight at uni (went to gym /eating healthy). Blokes would talk to me all the time.
I remember this absolutely gorgeous guy who hadn't spoken to me ever in two years (he was on my course) started just making random conversation with me. Being really nice etc.
It was honestly like a different world. You do feel amazing and people have a lot more respect and time for you.

Obviously put the weight back on after a while and you really notice the difference in how you get treated.

I agree. One of my female friends recently said she wouldn't want to be friends with someone who dressed like a dork. I noticed all her friends are fairly good looking/well dressed.

Generally people don’t realise that other people that other people have different experiences of life from them, whether due to wealth, sex, age, race, family relations or whatever. People are really bad at empathizing.

i just really need to say this...im from South Africa and here we dont have many of those issues (dark skin) maybe a few but not as bad as in other places in the world. I have a lot of dark skin friends and i call them African Queens. Some have coarse hair some dont and then there are my rastaffariane sisters with their locks...omw...i wish you can see them how they glow in their natural beauty. Oh and nowadays most S.A women has started to embrace their natural hair. No more relaxers and all those things they went strictly natural some even went as far as putting natural make up to just add a little color but it enhances their beauty in such a way it looks all natural

reason im telling you all this is so you can know your not alone in what you feel (first) and then when you live your true authentic self you will be much happier. and stop worrying about getting or finding a men. God will provide when the time is right so focus on improving you

I used to have a very good looking Male friend..was a cross between Matthew McConnaghey and Jeremy Sheffield with a 'swimmers' body .

The attention he used to get from women was ridiculous when we were out ..he was openly groped, grabbed and propositioned by women of all ages and marital statuses.

At work he would invariably fall into casual relationships with the best looking staff. We worked in retail and customers would ask him out..sometimes wives coming back to slip him phone numbers.

I was jealous of this attention he got, and how easy life was for him.

That was until one day he snapped back at me after I was telling him once again how lucky he was. He asked me to imagine how I would feel if nobody was actually interested in anything I said, that any education or work ethic was deemed pointless as a cheeky smile could get you anywhere. Imagine just being a shell with no need for a personality. He also had a quite a low opinion of women and probably to this day doesn't trust any, knowing how easily their heads are turned even when in a relationship.

So, whilst it's a bit rubbish being plain, really good looking people have their own issues which can be quite serious. I went from wanting his life to being thankful I was just me.

@Fluffygreenslippers same here! When I was a size 10/12 I was treated so differently to when I was bigger. I felt like I blended in to society and was accepted. I was definitely treated differently by so many people!

I agree that confidence can play a part in this, but women who are very physically attractive are definitely treated differently by most men (not always in a good way).

When I was a student, one of my friends was objectively incredibly attractive whilst I was decidedly average looking. She would often comment that individuals or groups of people (usually male) were lovely/friendly/welcoming when I found them to be anything but. As an example, she got chatting to a fellow student who considered himself an expert on cool music. When she confessed that she just liked chart stuff he and his mates fell over themselves to 'educate' her- lending her CDs, making her mix-tapes, inviting her to 'cool' club nights. When I met them they asked me what music I liked too. I said I was still finding out what I liked but some of the new music Beautiful Friend had been playing was really good. They were really nasty to me and several suggested I should go back to [name of mainstream tacky club]. They were clearly arseholes but I think it demonstrates some of the reasons why it's not as simple as needing to be more confident.

The race thing is interesting. We're a "mixed" family (hate that word) and DS's looks and colouring are often a talking point for strangers. People have expressed surprise that I have produced such a beautiful child (always me, never DH - no oil painting either), then a penny seems to drop and they go "ah! he's mixed race!" as though that explains why he's punching above his collective parental attractiveness weight.

It's like bigot bingo.

I was reading about gut hormone control of obesity, and an eminent professor mentioned as a side note that one of the reasons obesity may have been such a risk factor for covid was that obese people routinely delay seeking medical help. Presumably because they are fat-shamed by well-meaning health professionals. Fat stigma is a huge issue, I think.

I can certainly believe this - I know my relatives frequently don't see point of seeking help because everything is put down to weight - often leading to things none weight being missed.

Beauty is one of life's often overlooked privileges - but MIL is really odd about aging mostly because all the praise she every got was linked to her looks and her 50s were very hard for her - so like many things it also has downsides.

I am middle aged and this is completely not true! If anything, the gap widens as people age so differently and at such different rates! I think middle age opens up looks disparities!

I don’t see how it’s more difficult to find a partner because you’re not conventionally good looking. This is going to sound awful, but here goes… I have some wonderful friends who you might say are not conventionally good looking - they all have partners. Those partners are also not conventionally good looking.
If you are not ‘beautiful’ as such, are you going to be chatted up by a bunch of male models and PT muscle men at the bar? Possibly, but probably not… Are those the only men looking to pull? No.

Some relationships start with lust and some start with friendship which grows into attraction. If you really believe you are unable to attract someone from looks alone then I’d be trying to build a connection with someone through shared interests.

ohg😪im so sorry for the way you have been treated. its not fair. its cruel and nasty and down right unacceptable. im now speechless cause i honestly can put myself in your shoes and i feel your pain. Its a cruel people we living with nowadays. The Media and all these Fashion books and stuff has made it look like beauty is based on a womens physical appearance (wish i can find the asshole who started that whole shit) We already have so much to deal with as women then to add this to the mix is really just ti much.😢

@StupidNedFlanders your poor friend, no wonder he had a low opinion of women if he was routinely groped by strangers- genuinely horrifying- what the hell is wrong with some people?!
It that’s it though isn’t it? Truly beautiful people see the best behaviour, the most kindness, but they probably also see a lot more of the dark side of humanity too. Beauty can do strange things to otherwise normal people- and it can be pretty dehumanising to the possessor of that beauty when those strange things are directed at them. It’s almost as if people see beauty as a provocation in itself

I don't personally think that men see the same beauty as woman. I've known very beautiful girls who don't get chatted up much. Someone who is attractive, approachable & confident will generally get more attention than the shy supermodel.

You can have all the self esteem in the world but it will never alter the fact that the majority of men tend to prefer beautiful women with curves in only the right places.

heartfelt and true...thank you for sharing🙏

When I was younger a would be love interest said the problem with being so pretty is you'll always wo der if men want to sleep with you for your personality or looks.
It actually never crossed my mind but gave me the perfect excuse in that moment 😌

It's not an ugly thing. It's a fat thing.

I've been obese and a healthy weight.

Even when much younger and more put together I didn't get the nicer treatment that I do now I'm a size 10. Even with messy hair and wrinkles!

This is very true. People who are average looking keep denying it tough.
Most women managers are clearly attractive.

I actually think it's quite endearing that she has no perception of things being different for you both.

It shows that she has no sense that you are in any way less attractive.

Surely that's better than the alternative? 😬

I used to get a lot of attention in my teens and 20's but have gradually become rather invisible since getting to my mid and late 30's. I think (straight) men tend to be drawn to very young, full of collagen women. I would still say I'm an attractive woman and I'm married, so not trying to catch someone's eye, but it's quite alarming how differently you're treated when you don't fit into the 'beautiful people' category anymore and it's not just a case of not being chatted up as much. People seem much colder and ruder. Less likely to want to help etc.

So yes, OP. I do think you have a point, depressingly.

I was fortunate to be attractive when I was young and propbably up until around 50. I agree that it did make everything in life a lot easier. I have now aged, am no longer particularly attractive (middle aged spread!) and often feel invisible. I don't think I fully appreciated what a difference it makes when I was younger.