Do beautiful women realize that ugly women are treated very differently?

[UglyNameChange]

My friend (who is very beautiful) got into a relationship not so long ago and said how she hopes I’ll be soon in one too - she knows I’d like a relationship also.
Well, few days ago she was telling me to just go to a bar and get chatted up with men, it won’t be long etc. and I’d just had to laugh, and asked her does she remember any man to ever have done that before and why would is sudenly have changed.
I think I accidentally made things akward because she went really quiet.
She pretty much can go anywhere and men will start up conversation or get asked out.

And this made me think if she genuinely thought we all have the same opportunities?

I genuinely don’t think there is such a thing as ugly. All faces are different and interesting. I think cleanliness, confidence and style makes a massive difference to how someone is perceived. If you are fit, in good shape and eat well, that also shows, in your outward appearance.

OP, 'ugly' is a very subjective term. I've seen very few ugly people in my life - it's not a word I would use because I don't believe in the beautiful/ugly dichotomy. To some people, if you're not beautiful (a high bar, I think) then you are ugly. This is absolute rubbish - like most things, it's a spectrum, and hugely affected by subjectivity.

I think being average-looking is the best option. I'm not denying that good-looking people usually get an easier ride in life in all the ways you've mentioned, and tend to take it for granted. But 2 things I've picked up on:

1. A friend was complaining that she'd found a new radio DJ very boring...and subsequently discovered that she was a very attractive blonde. Her theory was that this woman had never had to bother trying to be in interesting or funny because being beautiful had always been enough...until she had her own radio show where no-one could see her.

2. I once read an interesting article by an anonymous woman who knew she was beautiful. She'd had no shortage of male attention but felt she'd never had a happy relationship and she explained it like this: "If you're very good-looking you attract the sort of men to whom looks are VERY important, and they're not usually particularly nice or likeable people."

So I think, as long as you keep positive and present yourself in the best way you can, you will find decent men for a relationship. It might not be as instantaneous as it is for 'model-type' women - it might develop out of a friendship - but that your relationship will be stronger for that.

I agree.
Men who are attracted mostly by looks tend to be rather vacuous.
I am not hugely attractive, fairly average I would say and have had lots of male attention.
But the kind of men I attract have always been really interesting people.
Men also like women who can chat easily, have a good sense of humour, a sexy twinkle in the eye.
Men are also attracted to women who are confident in themselves.

@speakout

Never really gave it too much thought but the very beautiful women I know have been treated terribly by their (now ex husbands). Who also happened to be really handsome. Two went off with attractive younger women.

It’s been scientifically proven that more attractive people get more privileges in life. More likely to get a job after than interview, people being nicer, holding doors etc.

However if pretty people have only ever known life through their eyes they might not see it. It’s the same with racism, some people can’t believe it happens as they have never witness it. It doesn’t even come on their radar that people can be treated differently.

I find this confusing. I've relaly not noticed but I speak to evryone as a human. I'm 6ft tall and not skinny but I've never had an issue but I like people for who they are not looks.
I think it dosnt matter, not everyine is Brad Pitt!

Also to add more attractive people have a harder fall from Grace as looks fade, I think it’s hard when women reach 40/50/60 and are getting cosmetic Procedures to try and cling to that youth

I once read an interesting article by an anonymous woman who knew she was beautiful. She'd had no shortage of male attention but felt she'd never had a happy relationship and she explained it like this: "If you're very good-looking you attract the sort of men to whom looks are VERY important, and they're not usually particularly nice or likeable people."

A lot of truth in that.

In my 40s now and if I could have a life do-over I wouldn’t choose to be beautiful.

It’s far, far easier to weed out the bad ones when they’re not trying to impress from the start.

I was friends for a year in college with a strikingly beautiful girl who kissed a lot of men and a substantial proportion went out of their way to be insulting or unkind to me. They were completely different to her of course.

At the time I would have loved to be more like her but beauty is a poison chalice.

I couldn't disagree more. If anything, it's the opposite. Men tend to be intimidated by extremely beautiful women and are far more likely to chat up a woman who looks open, friendly and approachable

Some truth here too. Often the men with sufficient confidence to approach a beautiful women are narcissistic twats.

I'm approaching 50 and it's wonderful IMO as the playing field has changed and levelled a lot, also looks matter so much less to me now and I can just enjoy being myself even if others don't appreciate me. I've always been very marmite looks wise, certainly not conventionally attractive but I got a lot of attention when young because I am very out going and confident (after a few drinks!). I think often that is what men find attractive. Not that I really care now.

I know you are talking about beauty, and you didn’t mention size, but it’s part of the issue. Thin privilege is A Thing. I was reading about gut hormone control of obesity, and an eminent professor mentioned as a side note that one of the reasons obesity may have been such a risk factor for covid was that obese people routinely delay seeking medical help. Presumably because they are fat-shamed by well-meaning health professionals. Fat stigma is a huge issue, I think.

I get treated differently as a woman, that's for sure, some good some bad. I said to DH about how nice and helpful the men at the tip are, helping me get things out of the car, and he said he didn't exactly have the same experience and they leave him to it 😆I'm 46, 5'7" a size 14 and am slightly overweight, not a young supermodel.

@Eeksteek

I mentioned thin privilege on here one day and I got my arse handed to me on a plate 😂

oh my word im so sorry for the way you feel. but i really need to tell you it is true that beauty is only skin deep.
If you have issues with your physical appearance there is nothing anyone can say to you to make you see the beauty that you are until you realise what the underlying problem really is. I think you have a deep rooted issue and that is why you dont see yourself as beautiful. From my experience men love a women who is confident loving kind and caring towards herself first. You being unkind to yourself and feeling not seen sends out vibrations to the universe that you are not seen and so no one will see you...do you get me...whatever you feel towards yourself will reflect through other people cause at the end of the day we attract what we feel think and believe.
While your single and not in any sort of relationship at the moment i would strongly suggest you work on whatever it is that makes you feel ugly get to the root of the problem and then heal from that before you go into any kind of relationship with anyone. Believe me once you start the process you will uncover a lot of beautiful things about you that you never realised.
i hope and pray you see the Beautiful authentic you God created
GOD DONT MAKE UGLY

I honestly think it so confidence.

I have a few friends who just don’t seem to realise how lovely they are and I think they shy away from conversation.

No one is everyone’s cup of tea and I really think everyone is beautiful in there own way it’s all down to taste. We all have our own view of beauty and everyone fits in to someone’s.

@UglyNameChange No, of course they don’t! Not until they get older probably and the sparkle fades a bit. Or if they put on weight.

However, there is a sort of “less attractive benefit” too I would argue. My most beautiful friends certainly ger the most attention through their lives, people treat them warmly, they are rarely invisible but they did not get the best relationships. Not by a long shot.

At least if a big part of someone’s attraction to you is because you’re rich, you stand a chance of holding on to that wealth your whole life, if a major part of why someone is attracted to you is about your looks- it can be quite a stressful existence of wondering if they still desire you as you change through the years.

Many less conventionally attractive women I know have ended up with sweet, intelligent, loving partners who love them for who they are and appreciate them even if they are not physically perfect. Unfortunately for my beautiful friends (who honestly also have great personalities) they’ve often been plagued by narcissists who feel they “deserve” a woman of their “market value” and so make a bee line for them regardless of compatibility. As anyone targeted by a narcissist will tell you, if they are very determined it can be hard to avoid getting into a relationship with them, and very hard to get rid of them. And the creeps who resent them because they don’t feel worthy of them and treat them badly as a result- they’re often worse of all.
So, you might get fewer, way fewer, approaches or offers from men if you’re less attractive, but there’s also a good chance you’ll get better quality offers too imho.

I'd class myself as attractive/pretty but I come across as quite standoffish at first and not that friendly. I therefore don't get chatted up that much. I think if you have an open/friendly face you're more likely to get attention. Strangers rarely approach me even to chat.

@Itwillworkifyoutryit2222

Goodness you’ve just described my sisters relationships (she spent her younger years modelling). They probably did think they deserved her on their arm, but yes all complete arseholes and she never really has found “the one” so to speak. I’m kinda feeling grateful now for being bang average. Infact it was only yesterday I thought my husband must be deluded the way he talks about me. Like i am the most beautiful woman in the world. Bless him he really is blissfully deluded but I feel totally accepted with him despite the weight gain and wrinkles over the years.

Self esteem really doesn’t have a lot to do with it. I got chatting to a guy online recently, sent him a photo as just had a headshot on my profile (I’m very ambivalent about OLD). I sent him a full length shot that I’d actually snapped to show a friend my outfit! His reaction was to laugh and say “god you need a better photo than that”. (The photo was fine, he was an ass).

Because I have good self esteem I just blocked him and shrugged it off, instead of bursting into tears (which is what would have happened years ago when my self esteem wasn’t so good). Self esteem protects you. It doesn’t make anyone else like you more or less than they would otherwise. So of course it’s important to have good self esteem, for your own mental health. But it doesn’t change how you look.

This is a bit like when a man doesn't understand why we sometimes feel vulnerable walking home alone etc.

Totally different experiences.

As a very average looking woman, you are absolutely correct. I have a beautiful friend (blonde, petite, slim, long hair) and when we were out together, men would hold the door open for her and then close it in my face. I was invisible to the point where I knew if a man approached me, it was to ask for her number.

This "it's your self-esteem that's wrong" is also utter BS. It is absolutely tyrannical and misogynist to imply that men treat ugly women like dirt because of something WE do (or don't do). I could strut around like Beyonce in my own hand, but it wouldn't change the fact that I look more like wee Jimmy Crankie. And that's fine, because looks (and the kind of men who slam doors on women who aren't pleasing to their eye) are irrelevant to me.

@blebbleb

I don’t think I would struggle. I would put myself as a solid 5. Nothing more, nothing less but I’m confident, friendly and socially smart. I can work people out instantly and also make people feel at ease/laugh. I’ve never took life seriously and if a bloke never liked me I seriously just wouldn’t give a shit. It’s those vibes that can pull people in.

His reaction was to laugh and say “god you need a better photo than that”

Negging is a thing and has been since before there was a word for it. I got chatting to a seemingly lovely chap when I first started OLD years ago. He was in a similar professional field to me and I was concerned he was someone I knew and worked with, so I tried to find out more about him before sending him my photograph ...he contacted me every day for a fortnight, multiple times a day, constant flattery about what a great match we were. A bit OTT but we were having lovely chat, although he kept badgering for a photo.

I finally sent him one, and his manner totally changed and he replied (much later) with "on reflection I have decided to complete my PhD and this will not leave time for dating". Then he blocked me on everything.

I am pleased that your self-esteem was in better shape than mine - I didn't even attempt to date for years after that.