Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would I be unreasonable to raise an issue with what a so-called friend said to me?

529 replies

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 10:10

I have always looked very young for my age, which was a hinderance as a teenager and young adult but as I have got older I have embraced and taken upon the fact that that I look young as a blessing (I am now 28 btw but look like I am in the teenagers years range)

I bought a bottle of wine for dinner from the shop on the way home for me and my DBF last night (we are in a same-sex relationship) amongst other stuff and expected to show ID as normal and didn't get asked, so I jokingly said "Are you not going to ask me for ID for the wine?" and the (obviously gay a nd young) guy who was on the till stared at me and looked me up and down and said: "no, I don't think that's necessary."

I paid for my things without much further words and went home but was a bit upset. Later, I had a VERY SMALL cry to myself in private about it in the toilet and then when I told my friend later and told him what happened he was very nonchalant and said my crying was for attention-seeking and I always do it to try and get attention, even though I had JUST told him that I had cried to myself in total private and for very briefly, about ten seconds in total, if that!! I spoke to my DP later and he agreed with me that it was horrible but AIBU for being furious by the callous words from a so-called friend and should I lessen contact with them?

OP posts:
helloits · 09/08/2022 11:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Cognacsoft · 09/08/2022 11:15

Snailsaresweet · 09/08/2022 10:58

At the end of the age spectrum, I frequently get upset when ticket inspectors don't ask to see my senior railcard, but I neither cry nor share my upset with others...

Me too.
My eye bags really need sorting.
Can't be my hair because I dye it.

@Keyansier perhaps the booze is ageing you.

SuperPets · 09/08/2022 11:17

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 10:21

I don't think I've explained it very well in the OP - I didn't cause a scene at the shop, I didn't react until I got home in private and privately was a bit upset by it. So I don't see how that is trying to seek attention because it wasn't in front of anyone.

But then you made a point of telling your friend about it: attention seeking.

Seriously, I'm with your friend. But I would have said worse.

Weemummykay · 09/08/2022 11:18

TommySaid · 09/08/2022 10:49

If you cried in private and then told someone about it then that is of course attention seeking - you told them to get some attention.

Why else would you have told them?

I too look young for my age.
Im early 30s but get mistaken for late teens early 20s which can sometimes be a pain because as a teacher I have parents or other staff talk down to me and I have a teenage DD who look more like my friend than my DD and we get unwanted attention from pervy men.

I was not asked for ID the other day too and did feel quite deflated for some weird reason but I did not get upset about it and if I did cry about it I definitely wouldn’t have told anyone unless I wanted their attention.

I am 34 with 18year old son who people quite often assume is my brother. I too look young for my age and very often get id’d(I don’t cry or worry about it when I don’t) got to take my id’d everywhere just incase. 1 time I forgot to take it I got id’d for cigarettes, ds didn’t have his ID but went back in to the shop and came out all smug with himself coz he got them fine. I get more upset about that sinario

Original poster
Keyansier · 09/08/2022 11:18

phishy · 09/08/2022 11:03

Are you make or female? I’m so confused.

BF usually means best friend on MN.

I am MALE. I meant "Dear Boyfriend" As I thought that was the correct terminology, as everyone on here starts with "D-something".

And he is not my best friend!

OP posts:
Aus84 · 09/08/2022 11:18

Maireas · 09/08/2022 10:37

On another note, my son worked at Tesco and would just ask for ID randomly. Sometimes older people just to make their day!

I think people do this to me! I’m 38 and get ID’d occasionally. I assume they are just being sweet and committing random acts of ID kindness. Tell your son it makes my day.

Backtobacknow · 09/08/2022 11:19

Snowflake of the highest order!

Original poster
Keyansier · 09/08/2022 11:20

Ok well I was clearly BU from the votes so that's that. I shall try not to be so human and have actual emotions next time and be more robotic.

OP posts:
Hobnobswantshernameback · 09/08/2022 11:21

hugz hun
its not them it's you
x

Maireas · 09/08/2022 11:21

I'm sure you look great, @Aus84! However, time and again on these threads I look so young I never get IDd is bollox.
Anyway, I'll tell my son! He said he was forgetting to ask for ID, so just did every 4th person and it made this woman's day, so he did it to cheer up others!

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 09/08/2022 11:22

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 11:20

Ok well I was clearly BU from the votes so that's that. I shall try not to be so human and have actual emotions next time and be more robotic.

It's a really silly, pathetic thing to get wound up about! So what, you didn't get ID's so you're not as young looking as you thought you were, and the shop assistant was being a bit bitchy, so what to that too?

Georgeskitchen · 09/08/2022 11:22

You say you didn't cause a scene in the shop. There doesn't actually seem to be a
a scene to cause. Usually the ones that cause a scene are the ones who get ID'd but have no proof of age. If this kind of stuff upsets you I think you should perhaps seek some professional help

SuperPets · 09/08/2022 11:22

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 11:20

Ok well I was clearly BU from the votes so that's that. I shall try not to be so human and have actual emotions next time and be more robotic.

Oh yeah, you're right and we're all just inhuman robots because we don't cry about not looking under 18 at nearly 30.

I hope you're not as insufferable as you sound.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 09/08/2022 11:23

Seriously
theres a wee bit of a gap between "being a robot " and crying over something so utterly ridiculous
dear god

HJ40 · 09/08/2022 11:23

Hobnobswantshernameback · 09/08/2022 11:21

hugz hun
its not them it's you
x

GrinGrinGrin

Maireas · 09/08/2022 11:23

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 11:20

Ok well I was clearly BU from the votes so that's that. I shall try not to be so human and have actual emotions next time and be more robotic.

Good thinking.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 09/08/2022 11:23

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 11:20

Ok well I was clearly BU from the votes so that's that. I shall try not to be so human and have actual emotions next time and be more robotic.

Not robotic, just an adult

Maybeebebe · 09/08/2022 11:24

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 10:21

I don't think I've explained it very well in the OP - I didn't cause a scene at the shop, I didn't react until I got home in private and privately was a bit upset by it. So I don't see how that is trying to seek attention because it wasn't in front of anyone.

So why did you tell your friend if you were not looking for attention?

RuthBrenner · 09/08/2022 11:24

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 11:20

Ok well I was clearly BU from the votes so that's that. I shall try not to be so human and have actual emotions next time and be more robotic.

It's really not about being robotic it's about having resilience to not let something so tiny make you cry.
You're placing way too much importance on something most people wouldn't think twice about.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 09/08/2022 11:25

All this rubbish about not looking 25 too is people who seem to be humouring you.

I personally don't get people worrying about looking younger/older. For years I've always looked young - this was in the days before ID and where we could go into pubs and the publican wouldn't bat a blind eye, just serve us!

It doesn't matter one way to me how old someone thinks I am. It's flattering if they do think I'm younger but no way would I lose sleep over it if they did think I was older!

Johnnysgirl · 09/08/2022 11:26

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 11:20

Ok well I was clearly BU from the votes so that's that. I shall try not to be so human and have actual emotions next time and be more robotic.

So teenage...
Grow up, and accept that as a 28 year old woman nobody is mistaking you for a teenager.
Having a tantrum about this is slightly grotesque.

Wishimaywishimight · 09/08/2022 11:27

Why cry in private if you are then going to tell someone about it? It does smack of attention seeking, otherwise why mention it?

Fushiadreams · 09/08/2022 11:29

I think refering to his partner as both partner and boyfriend has thrown people, especially when coupled with the fact there is indeed a friend in the sorry tale

he is saying he’s a twenty eight year old man, his partner (dp) and boyfriend (dbf) are one and the same person. His boyfriend agrees with him the whole thing Is horrible but his friend said he’s always pulling this attention seeking shite and basically at knocking on thirty he should give it a rest.

the op thinks his friend is callous for saying this and is furious. As he only cried for ten seconds then told this friend about his crying. Then told his boyfriend about it. Then came on here and told mumsnet too.

whomoon · 09/08/2022 11:29

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 11:20

Ok well I was clearly BU from the votes so that's that. I shall try not to be so human and have actual emotions next time and be more robotic.

I think it’s one of those instances where having a period of reflection to understand the situation and how you reacted/responded is all that’s needed. Trying to get comments or validation from strangers on the internet is never a good alternative, as unfortunately this has shown! And I know that as I’ve done this myself and got burnt on MN…!

zingally · 09/08/2022 11:29

Frankly, based on your response to not getting ID'd at 28 - cry about it, then tell a friend about it - I'm not surprised at their response. Why did you have to tell them? That's not keeping your meltdown private. That's attention seeking. And if someone you considered a close friend said that to you... There's probably a fair amount of truth in it. Because, in all honesty, most close friends wouldn't say upsetting things to their friends, without there being something truthful behind it.

I sincerely hope you never encounter any actual problems in life.