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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would I be unreasonable to raise an issue with what a so-called friend said to me?

529 replies

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 10:10

I have always looked very young for my age, which was a hinderance as a teenager and young adult but as I have got older I have embraced and taken upon the fact that that I look young as a blessing (I am now 28 btw but look like I am in the teenagers years range)

I bought a bottle of wine for dinner from the shop on the way home for me and my DBF last night (we are in a same-sex relationship) amongst other stuff and expected to show ID as normal and didn't get asked, so I jokingly said "Are you not going to ask me for ID for the wine?" and the (obviously gay a nd young) guy who was on the till stared at me and looked me up and down and said: "no, I don't think that's necessary."

I paid for my things without much further words and went home but was a bit upset. Later, I had a VERY SMALL cry to myself in private about it in the toilet and then when I told my friend later and told him what happened he was very nonchalant and said my crying was for attention-seeking and I always do it to try and get attention, even though I had JUST told him that I had cried to myself in total private and for very briefly, about ten seconds in total, if that!! I spoke to my DP later and he agreed with me that it was horrible but AIBU for being furious by the callous words from a so-called friend and should I lessen contact with them?

OP posts:
oopsfellover · 09/08/2022 10:23

I think it’s clear that you cried in private (and then told someone about it) but why were you upset? Was the assistant rude?

butterflied · 09/08/2022 10:23

Good lord, get over yourself.

cadburyegg · 09/08/2022 10:24

Get a grip ffs

saveforthat · 09/08/2022 10:24

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ShirleyPhallus · 09/08/2022 10:24

NoodleNuts · 09/08/2022 10:14

Sorry but I can't get over the part where you were upset and cried on the toilet because you didn't get ID'd Confused if you do that a lot then I can see where your friend is coming from!

And I am not sure what the assistant being young and gay has got to do with anything.

Agree

Lochroy · 09/08/2022 10:24

So the bit where you had to tell your friend you had to go for a little cry wasn't attention seeking Hmm

Terfydactyl · 09/08/2022 10:24

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 10:10

I have always looked very young for my age, which was a hinderance as a teenager and young adult but as I have got older I have embraced and taken upon the fact that that I look young as a blessing (I am now 28 btw but look like I am in the teenagers years range)

I bought a bottle of wine for dinner from the shop on the way home for me and my DBF last night (we are in a same-sex relationship) amongst other stuff and expected to show ID as normal and didn't get asked, so I jokingly said "Are you not going to ask me for ID for the wine?" and the (obviously gay a nd young) guy who was on the till stared at me and looked me up and down and said: "no, I don't think that's necessary."

I paid for my things without much further words and went home but was a bit upset. Later, I had a VERY SMALL cry to myself in private about it in the toilet and then when I told my friend later and told him what happened he was very nonchalant and said my crying was for attention-seeking and I always do it to try and get attention, even though I had JUST told him that I had cried to myself in total private and for very briefly, about ten seconds in total, if that!! I spoke to my DP later and he agreed with me that it was horrible but AIBU for being furious by the callous words from a so-called friend and should I lessen contact with them?

Are you certain you are 28, maybe have a think if you are still 12 or 13.
And you simultaneously have a Male DP and a same sex relationship with DBF?

Nietzschethehiker · 09/08/2022 10:25

You told the friend. That's probably where they were pointing out it was attention seeking.

It doesn't help that it does come across as a silly thing to get upset over but we all have our moments of ridiculousness. We don't tell people about them. Thats the attention seeking.

Very few people are going to have any sympathy for that situation so it's not surprising your friend reacted like that and their words certainly indicate you behave like this alot. If you do then patience with it is going to become short.

Bubblebubblebah · 09/08/2022 10:25

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 10:21

I don't think I've explained it very well in the OP - I didn't cause a scene at the shop, I didn't react until I got home in private and privately was a bit upset by it. So I don't see how that is trying to seek attention because it wasn't in front of anyone.

It was to seek attention. If not you would keep it private and not tell anyone.

SpaghettiNoodle · 09/08/2022 10:27

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 10:21

I don't think I've explained it very well in the OP - I didn't cause a scene at the shop, I didn't react until I got home in private and privately was a bit upset by it. So I don't see how that is trying to seek attention because it wasn't in front of anyone.

Why did you tell your friend about you crying if it wasn’t to seek attention? I get the crying wasn’t necessarily attention seeking, but telling people after was.

And you need to work on your resilience if this upset you so much. You will look older to younger people, the assistant’s assessment was probably along the lines of “does this person look older or younger than me”, and you obviously looked older. That’s just life (coming from someone who is was regularly ID’s well into her twenties… in fact I was ID’d for a 15 film at 22…)

Thereisnolight · 09/08/2022 10:27

I feel your pain. I burst into tears yesterday because the postman didn’t tell me I was the most beautiful woman he had delivered a letter to all day. He just treated me as if I was just any normal client. My DH thinks I’m being ridiculous. AIBU?

Bubblebubblebah · 09/08/2022 10:29

Thereisnolight · 09/08/2022 10:27

I feel your pain. I burst into tears yesterday because the postman didn’t tell me I was the most beautiful woman he had delivered a letter to all day. He just treated me as if I was just any normal client. My DH thinks I’m being ridiculous. AIBU?

Thoughts and prayers 😔

Original poster
Keyansier · 09/08/2022 10:29

Terfydactyl · 09/08/2022 10:24

Are you certain you are 28, maybe have a think if you are still 12 or 13.
And you simultaneously have a Male DP and a same sex relationship with DBF?

Show quote history

Yes i am sure i am 28 thank you Hmm I did get promptly reminded of that

And yes he is my BF/DP, I tried to use the correct acronyms, you haven't "caught me out" on anything. Hmm

OP posts:
RhubarbFairy · 09/08/2022 10:30

Octomore · 09/08/2022 10:18

You were being attention seeking and dramatic. And you got called out on it.

My advice is to grow up.

This.

It wasn't private.

You cried because you didn't get ID'd at 28, and then told a friend about it for attention. Then posted on a public forum.

I'm calling bullshit. 28 year old men don't act like this.

Try harder next time. In the meantime, go see if any of your mates are free to go to the park.

GCAcademic · 09/08/2022 10:30

You might want to work on your resilience. God forbid anything serious should happen to you in life.

Original poster
Keyansier · 09/08/2022 10:31

Thereisnolight · 09/08/2022 10:27

I feel your pain. I burst into tears yesterday because the postman didn’t tell me I was the most beautiful woman he had delivered a letter to all day. He just treated me as if I was just any normal client. My DH thinks I’m being ridiculous. AIBU?

But that is not nowhere near the same scenario though so yes YWBU.

OP posts:
Jalepenojello · 09/08/2022 10:31

Um if you’re the kind of person to go off and cry about not getting ID’d at 28, even if in private which you then shared anyway…. then I am inclined to think your friend isn’t entirely wrong tbh.

Ethelfromnumber73 · 09/08/2022 10:32

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RenegadeMatron · 09/08/2022 10:33

You’re a 28YO bloke….?!?

Gazelda · 09/08/2022 10:33

You didn't get asked for ID. So you fished for a compliment. This was attention seeking.

You didn't get a compliment, and it doesn't sound like an insult.

Then you cried, in private. Why did you cry?

You then told your BF that you'd cried. This was attention seeking.

I don't see any relevance at all to anyone's sexuality.

FinneusMum · 09/08/2022 10:34

This reply has been deleted

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InTheCup · 09/08/2022 10:34

Hahaha.

Maireas · 09/08/2022 10:34

Thereisnolight · 09/08/2022 10:27

I feel your pain. I burst into tears yesterday because the postman didn’t tell me I was the most beautiful woman he had delivered a letter to all day. He just treated me as if I was just any normal client. My DH thinks I’m being ridiculous. AIBU?

I'm sorry for what you're going through.
Just yesterday a straight man at a till didn't acknowledge that I am utterly gorgeous. Distressing 💐

FOJN · 09/08/2022 10:35

And you simultaneously have a Male DP and a same sex relationship with DBF?

Is that not dear boyfriend and dear partner which would mean the OP is male?

TheWayoftheLeaf · 09/08/2022 10:35

As a young looking 27 year old who is also getting to the point I don't always get IDd anymore I do think you need to get a bit of a grip. Crying that you weren't IDd when that only means you look over 25 (which you are) is a massive overreaction. You need to work on your self esteem if you base your confidence on 'looking like a teenager'.

That being said your friend was rude and you're within your rights to call him out on it. Unless you think you may exhibit attention seeking behaviour and it was the straw that broke the camels back?

Get some retinol and relax about your age. You can't look 18 forever.

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