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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would I be unreasonable to raise an issue with what a so-called friend said to me?

529 replies

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 10:10

I have always looked very young for my age, which was a hinderance as a teenager and young adult but as I have got older I have embraced and taken upon the fact that that I look young as a blessing (I am now 28 btw but look like I am in the teenagers years range)

I bought a bottle of wine for dinner from the shop on the way home for me and my DBF last night (we are in a same-sex relationship) amongst other stuff and expected to show ID as normal and didn't get asked, so I jokingly said "Are you not going to ask me for ID for the wine?" and the (obviously gay a nd young) guy who was on the till stared at me and looked me up and down and said: "no, I don't think that's necessary."

I paid for my things without much further words and went home but was a bit upset. Later, I had a VERY SMALL cry to myself in private about it in the toilet and then when I told my friend later and told him what happened he was very nonchalant and said my crying was for attention-seeking and I always do it to try and get attention, even though I had JUST told him that I had cried to myself in total private and for very briefly, about ten seconds in total, if that!! I spoke to my DP later and he agreed with me that it was horrible but AIBU for being furious by the callous words from a so-called friend and should I lessen contact with them?

OP posts:
Itloggedmeoutagain · 09/08/2022 10:54

JockTamsonsBairns · 09/08/2022 10:51

I'm a bit confused. Are the DP and DBF one and the same person? I've read the Op a couple of times, and can't figure it out.

Not just me then lol

mbosnz · 09/08/2022 10:54

Good grief. Never go to the Sistene Chapel, God only knows what reaction you'd have there.

Maireas · 09/08/2022 10:55

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 09/08/2022 10:46

What has being in a same sex relationship and being served by a gay person got to do with suddenly realising that you no longer look as young as you thought?

What are you hoping to gain from your thread, if not to garner attention?

I was wondering what the gay part had to do with it. Who knows.

Original poster
Keyansier · 09/08/2022 10:55

whomoon · 09/08/2022 10:50

I am 35 and I go out with my driving licence as I occasionally get ID’d still. It’s happening less and less now, however, after so many years of getting ID’d there does come with it a level of smugness. Even I admit that. It’s the whole ‘oh, you’re ID’ing me! Haha, I look so young don’t I!?’ type exchange with the shop assistant.

I was probably peak smugness in my late twenties, when I’d have ‘funny’ exchanges with the shop assistant, then come back and tell anyone who would listen that ‘I can’t believe I got ID’d!’
Sounds like you’re on that level now, trying to have that hilarious exchange and now it’s backfired, it’s made you feel bad about yourself.

When the reality is, being ID’d is inconvenient, and the shop assistant is just doing their job/not really looking at you/couldn’t care less if you look young or not!

This is probably the closest interpretation - thank you for understanding,

OP posts:
TheLionTheWitchAndTheChesterDraws · 09/08/2022 10:55

Maybe your friend has a point and a bit of self reflection is needed. The tears themselves weren’t attention seeking (although it was ridiculously melodramatic) but telling your friend that you were so upset that some kid didn’t agree with your belief you look like a teenager that you were driven to tears is seeking attention.

I mean this with kindness, but you’re at the age where you no longer look like a teenager. I think your behaviour needs to mirror that.

Ducksinthebath · 09/08/2022 10:55

You might no look 14 anymore, but your level of maturity seems to have stopped developing around that point sadly.

Maireas · 09/08/2022 10:56

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 10:31

But that is not nowhere near the same scenario though so yes YWBU.

Show quote history

I think it's exactly the same scenario and you're invalidating her feelings.

Original poster
Keyansier · 09/08/2022 10:56

JockTamsonsBairns · 09/08/2022 10:51

I'm a bit confused. Are the DP and DBF one and the same person? I've read the Op a couple of times, and can't figure it out.

I was trying to post "in line" with other mumsnet posts, I meant Dear Boyfriend and Dear Partner, I meant the same person

OP posts:
ReneBumsWombats · 09/08/2022 10:57

I got IDed all the time during lockdown shopping trips. That was one good thing about mask wearing.

ReneBumsWombats · 09/08/2022 10:57

I also got lots of men offering to get stuff off the top shelves for me. I'm a fucking stunner when you can't see my face.

Snailsaresweet · 09/08/2022 10:58

At the end of the age spectrum, I frequently get upset when ticket inspectors don't ask to see my senior railcard, but I neither cry nor share my upset with others...

Maireas · 09/08/2022 10:58

So is the friend a different person to the boyfriend? Who was it that upset you?

QueenCamilla · 09/08/2022 10:59

I'm to be 36 soon and still get ID'd.
You must look older than me.

I take my 8yo with me as a form of ID when I buy alcohol - that always works.

I have a 23yo toy-boy on the go at the moment.
Life is good for us, who really DO look young!

😁

cstaff · 09/08/2022 10:59

Jaysus - This can't be real. I would hate to see your reaction when you have some real life problems, like death, illness, break ups etc. Ffs

BarryKentPoet · 09/08/2022 11:00

Did ye, aye?

helloits · 09/08/2022 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

My thoughts exactly

RuthBrenner · 09/08/2022 11:02

If your whole self-worth is tied up in looking young then trust me you are going to be very disappointed one day.

girlmom21 · 09/08/2022 11:03

QueenCamilla · 09/08/2022 10:59

I'm to be 36 soon and still get ID'd.
You must look older than me.

I take my 8yo with me as a form of ID when I buy alcohol - that always works.

I have a 23yo toy-boy on the go at the moment.
Life is good for us, who really DO look young!

😁

This is too funny!

helloits · 09/08/2022 11:03

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 10:21

I don't think I've explained it very well in the OP - I didn't cause a scene at the shop, I didn't react until I got home in private and privately was a bit upset by it. So I don't see how that is trying to seek attention because it wasn't in front of anyone.

Because you told your friend after you cried about it privately that you cried about it? Therefore wanting attention from them about it, otherwise why mention it?
Also why did you cry? Because you know you look like a teenager so why do you care if someone else thinks you look your actual age?

phishy · 09/08/2022 11:03

Are you make or female? I’m so confused.

BF usually means best friend on MN.

HoppingPavlova · 09/08/2022 11:04

I give this a 5/10, must try harder in future. The best bit was the ‘obviously gay’ shop assistant.

Jubaju · 09/08/2022 11:06

Did you mean you act like a teenager or looked like one? Confused

Johnnysgirl · 09/08/2022 11:07

Now that you no longer look like a teenager it's time to stop acting like one
Just about sums it up.

Blue4YOU · 09/08/2022 11:10

I think this is it - this is a 28 year old male who is in a same sex relationship with his boyfriend (who is also his partner) and shared the wine with. but it is a separate friend who added to the trauma when OP relayed the tragedy of the “obviously young and gay” shop assistant not flirting via a bit of a dad joke about ID….
I suspect school holidays and too much of the grape are at play here

Topseyt123 · 09/08/2022 11:10

What a complete non-issue. Yes, you sound like an attention seeking drama llama.