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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would I be unreasonable to raise an issue with what a so-called friend said to me?

529 replies

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 10:10

I have always looked very young for my age, which was a hinderance as a teenager and young adult but as I have got older I have embraced and taken upon the fact that that I look young as a blessing (I am now 28 btw but look like I am in the teenagers years range)

I bought a bottle of wine for dinner from the shop on the way home for me and my DBF last night (we are in a same-sex relationship) amongst other stuff and expected to show ID as normal and didn't get asked, so I jokingly said "Are you not going to ask me for ID for the wine?" and the (obviously gay a nd young) guy who was on the till stared at me and looked me up and down and said: "no, I don't think that's necessary."

I paid for my things without much further words and went home but was a bit upset. Later, I had a VERY SMALL cry to myself in private about it in the toilet and then when I told my friend later and told him what happened he was very nonchalant and said my crying was for attention-seeking and I always do it to try and get attention, even though I had JUST told him that I had cried to myself in total private and for very briefly, about ten seconds in total, if that!! I spoke to my DP later and he agreed with me that it was horrible but AIBU for being furious by the callous words from a so-called friend and should I lessen contact with them?

OP posts:
ReneBumsWombats · 11/08/2022 19:45

floofmum · 11/08/2022 19:43

You sound about 12

But he looks 28.

Original poster
Keyansier · 11/08/2022 19:53

ReneBumsWombats · 11/08/2022 19:45

But he looks 28.

Show quote history

I dont actually

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 11/08/2022 20:07

I dont look 28 though, I look more like 15-16

If you genuinely looked 15-16 at the age of 28, you'd be fucking thrilled at the prospect of not being ID'd, not in floods of tears. Seek help.

Original poster
Keyansier · 11/08/2022 20:12

Butchyrestingface · 11/08/2022 20:07

I dont look 28 though, I look more like 15-16

If you genuinely looked 15-16 at the age of 28, you'd be fucking thrilled at the prospect of not being ID'd, not in floods of tears. Seek help.

Are you in danger of seeking help by not reading things properly?

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 11/08/2022 20:15

*Are you in danger of seeking help by not reading things properly?

I've read your whining posts. You sound like a pre-schooler, so on that basis he shouldn't have served you at all, ID or no ID. Grin

girlmom21 · 11/08/2022 20:15

Why are you attracted to a boyfriend who fancies teenagers?

kierenthecommunity · 11/08/2022 20:22

I dont look 28 though, I look more like 15-16

well, apparently you don’t 😂

Or do you honestly think this guy was risking his job just in order to put you down? 🤔

Jourdain11 · 11/08/2022 20:30

Why would a 28 year old want to look 15/16? That's what I don't get.

I can see (at a push) why you might wish you looked 21. But not 15/16!

Derbee · 11/08/2022 20:39

In what way would it be remotely helpful to not ask for ID when it clearly is needed?

😂it’s clearly NOT needed. You’re twenty fucking eight!!! You could ALMOST have a
child who is legally allowed to buy alcohol…

CatsAreCrackers · 11/08/2022 20:54

Keyansier · 11/08/2022 19:42

I dont look 28 though, I look more like 15-16

Show quote history

Pretty sure you really don't!

VanGoghsDog · 11/08/2022 21:07

Keyansier · 11/08/2022 19:42

I dont look 28 though, I look more like 15-16

Show quote history

This point isn't getting through to you and it should be - you clearly don't look 15-16 (which would be freaky at 28), you quite obviously look over 25 (which is the age at which they have to ID you).

What you're suggesting is that the cashier risked not only his job but prosecution, just to "put you down" (for looking your age, which isn't even a out down anyway) - you, a person he's never met. Seems pretty unlikely, no?

mbosnz · 11/08/2022 21:09

How does that saying go?

Would that we could see ourselves as others see us?

I don't think, OP, that you are an objective party. An overly invested one, I would think, given your somewhat extreme responses. . .

Blueberrywitch · 11/08/2022 21:14

OP people on here can be massive bitches so please don’t let them get to you. Your issue was your friend telling you you always cry for attention - this is obviously a mean thing to say if it isn’t true. Only you know if it is! If someone’s mean to you, I think best to lower contact with them.

Also don’t worry, you might get asked for ID again in the future! One day it will stop but I’m sure you have a few years left in you of occasional checking of ID.

Original poster
Keyansier · 11/08/2022 22:04

Blueberrywitch · 11/08/2022 21:14

OP people on here can be massive bitches so please don’t let them get to you. Your issue was your friend telling you you always cry for attention - this is obviously a mean thing to say if it isn’t true. Only you know if it is! If someone’s mean to you, I think best to lower contact with them.

Also don’t worry, you might get asked for ID again in the future! One day it will stop but I’m sure you have a few years left in you of occasional checking of ID.

Thank you for your kindness <3

I am not sure if I will lower contact with my friend, looking back I am not sure whether its worth losing his friendship in the long run.

OP posts:
AMIAMIBU · 11/08/2022 22:12

Blueberrywitch · 11/08/2022 21:14

OP people on here can be massive bitches so please don’t let them get to you. Your issue was your friend telling you you always cry for attention - this is obviously a mean thing to say if it isn’t true. Only you know if it is! If someone’s mean to you, I think best to lower contact with them.

Also don’t worry, you might get asked for ID again in the future! One day it will stop but I’m sure you have a few years left in you of occasional checking of ID.

🤮

Derbee · 12/08/2022 00:26

Keyansier · 11/08/2022 22:04

Thank you for your kindness <3

I am not sure if I will lower contact with my friend, looking back I am not sure whether its worth losing his friendship in the long run.

Show quote history

I’m not sure it’ll be up to you. Your friend will tire of the histrionics at some point

kierenthecommunity · 12/08/2022 00:35

Has the OP’s DP just posted? 😃

ChellyT · 12/08/2022 04:56

YES!

SmellyStinkyPong · 12/08/2022 07:23

O hun I fil ur pane 🙄

PriamFarrl · 12/08/2022 07:33

Is this still rumbling on. Not one to make a drama out of nothing here are you OP.
Where is the op’s dp?

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 12/08/2022 10:47

Keyansier · 11/08/2022 16:50

How can a response like this be seen as anything other than horrible?

To everyone else that replied: Thanks for those that were being supportive of me, I have been a lot calmer and have since had time to reflect on what happened. I still think the shop worker was in the wrong, but have come to the realisation that he just must be unhappy with his own situation and simply taking it out on others more fortunate than he!

Show quote history

To everyone else that replied: Thanks for those that were being supportive of me, I have been a lot calmer and have since had time to reflect on what happened. I still think the shop worker was in the wrong, but have come to the realisation that he just must be unhappy with his own situation and simply taking it out on others more fortunate than he!

You are overthinking this way too much. The shop worker in no way is unhappy with his situation and taking it out on others more fortunate than him, he's just doing his job FFS. He didn't scream and shout at you or give you a few minutes tirade of how old you looked.

And trust me, you do NOT look like in your teens - I'm betting - maybe late teens/20s but not like the young, nubile teenage boy you think you look like. Get over yourself.

IncompleteSenten · 12/08/2022 11:39

You think the shop assistant must be an unhappy person because he didn't think you looked under 25? ID is not 'clearly needed' if you don't look under 25.

Someone thinking you look at least 25 is not an insult. Nor does it mean there must be something wrong with them.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 12/08/2022 12:49

OP - if you have a career, would you think about retraining and going to drama school? Or maybe applying to be on MIC, Towie, Love Island etc?

It would definitely suit your personality to a T.

Backtobacknow · 12/08/2022 13:20

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 12/08/2022 12:49

OP - if you have a career, would you think about retraining and going to drama school? Or maybe applying to be on MIC, Towie, Love Island etc?

It would definitely suit your personality to a T.

He couldn't appear in any of them, he looks far too young, he'd be more suited to something from Cbeebies!

Johnnysgirl · 12/08/2022 13:58

I still think the shop worker was in the wrong, but have come to the realisation that he just must be unhappy with his own situation and simply taking it out on others more fortunate than he!
Yeah, that'll be it... 🤣
I still think this is a pisstake, it's actually tragic to think of someone doomed to try to navigate life with this level of self awareness.

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