Page 17 | Would I be unreasonable to raise an issue with what a so-called friend said to me?

Keyansier · 2022-08-09T09:10:22+00:00

I have always looked very young for my age, which was a hinderance as a teenager and young adult but as I have got older I have embraced and taken upon the fact that that I look young as a blessing (I am now 28 btw but look like I am in the teenagers years range) I bought a bottle of wine for dinner from the shop on the way home for me and my DBF last night (we are in a same-sex relationship) amongst other stuff and expected to show ID as normal and didn't get asked, so I jokingly said "Are you not going to ask me for ID for the wine?" and the (obviously gay a nd young) guy who was on the till stared at me and looked me up and down and said: "no, I don't think that's necessary." I paid for my things without much further words and went home but was a bit upset. Later, I had a VERY SMALL cry to myself in private about it in the toilet and then when I told my friend later and told him what happened he was very nonchalant and said my crying was for attention-seeking and I always do it to try and get attention, even though I had JUST told him that I had cried to myself in total private and for very briefly, about ten seconds in total, if that!! I spoke to my DP later and he agreed with me that it was horrible but AIBU for being furious by the callous words from a so-called friend and should I lessen contact with them?

Womencanlift · 09/08/2022 21:12

Jourdain11 · 09/08/2022 21:07

Yeah, okay, fine. I take the point. I was actually trying to lightheartedly object to something that I thought was sexist, and I thought that the wording and context made it obvious. And actually, I think it did, but everyone was too eager to call me a numpty and say "no one cares" and "you don't sound like any woman I've ever met". Clearly my English is too crap to try to be funny and obviously everyone thinks that this vitriolic response was entirely justified given that no one has actually apologised for those comments so, yeah. I'll leave it there.

It didn’t come across lighthearted at all, it was actually pretty offensive to women.

I get that it’s hard to replicate sarcasm in written form but if you genuinely did mean it like this (and not just backtracking now that you have been called out on it) then it’s good practice to note that it’s lighthearted on a thread

waterbotherer · 09/08/2022 21:12

Jourdain11 · 09/08/2022 21:07

Yeah, okay, fine. I take the point. I was actually trying to lightheartedly object to something that I thought was sexist, and I thought that the wording and context made it obvious. And actually, I think it did, but everyone was too eager to call me a numpty and say "no one cares" and "you don't sound like any woman I've ever met". Clearly my English is too crap to try to be funny and obviously everyone thinks that this vitriolic response was entirely justified given that no one has actually apologised for those comments so, yeah. I'll leave it there.

you might be a bit too sensitive for mumsnet

Jourdain11 · 09/08/2022 21:17

Womencanlift · 09/08/2022 21:12

It didn’t come across lighthearted at all, it was actually pretty offensive to women.

I get that it’s hard to replicate sarcasm in written form but if you genuinely did mean it like this (and not just backtracking now that you have been called out on it) then it’s good practice to note that it’s lighthearted on a thread

Show quote history

Oh, leave off, you can call me too sensitive but you're the ones who took offence at what was, in context, clearly a tongue in cheek comment. What does, "it’s good practice to note that it’s lighthearted on a thread" even mean? You don't seem to have much concept of the phrase lighthearted and you're clearly never going to back down and apologise for a completely misdirected attack on my character, gender, motivations, etc. I've had a really shit day, so thanks for just topping it off ever so nicely. That was sarcasm, by the way, in case it wasn't clear.

NeverTooMuchTea · 09/08/2022 21:25

Hot weather never goes down well in this country.

waterbotherer · 09/08/2022 21:27

Jourdain11 · 09/08/2022 21:17

Oh, leave off, you can call me too sensitive but you're the ones who took offence at what was, in context, clearly a tongue in cheek comment. What does, "it’s good practice to note that it’s lighthearted on a thread" even mean? You don't seem to have much concept of the phrase lighthearted and you're clearly never going to back down and apologise for a completely misdirected attack on my character, gender, motivations, etc. I've had a really shit day, so thanks for just topping it off ever so nicely. That was sarcasm, by the way, in case it wasn't clear.

Show quote history

Yikes! Way to prove my point 🤦🏾‍♀️

Jourdain11 · 09/08/2022 21:31

Way to prove my point!! I acknowledged that my irony didn't come across and, if my misjudged comment caused anyone serious personal offence, then I apologise. But none of those who were dead keen to stick the knife into me have apologised for that. You can think your point's proved or whatever you like, I actually couldn't give less of a toss and I think you're pretty well proving my point too.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/08/2022 21:35

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 19:14

@WiddlinDiddlin
No one though you were flirting with the checkout lad.

Well,

@Blue4YOU
@VanGoghsDog
@honeylulu
@CatsAreCrackers
@SleepingStandingUp

did.

To other responses: I wasn't crying in front of anybody. And my being upset was completely by myself 100%.

I am also increasingly confused by the many posters confused by my relationship status.

I don't think you were flirting. I think you're sulking that this young gay man didn't flirt with you and thought you were just some "getting on" man who wasn't worth flattering by IDing you

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 09/08/2022 21:36

Sounds v melodramatic. My advice is to perhaps grow a thicker skin!

SirGawain · 09/08/2022 21:36

The OP is so naïve the she/he is being sent up by those sharing similar experiences.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/08/2022 21:38

Keyansier · 09/08/2022 19:28

Well it was relevant because otherwise people would have assumed I was female and they would have judged I was taking into consideration what the (male) shop worker said like I wanted his attention if I hadn't stated my sex and sexuality (and his) at the start.

Show quote history

Well I think despite you declaring him too ugly to bother with, you were entirely taking into consideration that he was a gay man who should otherwise have fancied you because you're so young and beautiful. I don't think me asking you for ID would have had you crying and then having to tell your friends about how awful it was

TheLionTheWitchAndTheChesterDraws · 09/08/2022 21:42

Clearly most people are not recognising where I am coming from, so I'll just take that I'm BU and will not go out in public again and bother people by living my life

Yeah, that’s what has gone on here. We’ve all misunderstood what happened, none of us understand the gravity of the insults directed at you and you’re not melodramatic at all 🙄. It’s so unfair; you even didn’t ask to be born.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/08/2022 21:42

RenegadeMatron · 09/08/2022 21:02

Well, no, given that everyone responded in the same way to it!

Show quote history

I got the sarcasm, I was just late to the party

venus7 · 09/08/2022 21:44

Jourdain11 · 09/08/2022 21:17

Oh, leave off, you can call me too sensitive but you're the ones who took offence at what was, in context, clearly a tongue in cheek comment. What does, "it’s good practice to note that it’s lighthearted on a thread" even mean? You don't seem to have much concept of the phrase lighthearted and you're clearly never going to back down and apologise for a completely misdirected attack on my character, gender, motivations, etc. I've had a really shit day, so thanks for just topping it off ever so nicely. That was sarcasm, by the way, in case it wasn't clear.

Show quote history

Why should anyone apologise for an 'attack on your gender'?
I don't think it's your gender being questioned. Nor attacked.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 09/08/2022 21:45

Look OP.

I think you are probably used to having men come on to you and the ugly shop assistant didn’t fancy you, and you’re taking it hard because you’re not as youthful looking as you’ve been used to. I have had a ‘oh god I’m no longer as fanciable’ moment now and again. But we have to put on our big girl pants and get on with life because o e day you will have a real problem and will need to be able cope a wee bit better.

Womencanlift · 09/08/2022 21:45

Jourdain11 · 09/08/2022 21:17

Oh, leave off, you can call me too sensitive but you're the ones who took offence at what was, in context, clearly a tongue in cheek comment. What does, "it’s good practice to note that it’s lighthearted on a thread" even mean? You don't seem to have much concept of the phrase lighthearted and you're clearly never going to back down and apologise for a completely misdirected attack on my character, gender, motivations, etc. I've had a really shit day, so thanks for just topping it off ever so nicely. That was sarcasm, by the way, in case it wasn't clear.

Show quote history

Oh I do know the concept of lighthearted. Your comment wasn’t. Whether you think it was or not it didn’t come across that way so maybe think about how your “humour” translates when writing it down

Jourdain11 · 09/08/2022 21:47

Oh, just leave me alone.

waterbotherer · 09/08/2022 21:48

Jourdain11 · 09/08/2022 21:31

Way to prove my point!! I acknowledged that my irony didn't come across and, if my misjudged comment caused anyone serious personal offence, then I apologise. But none of those who were dead keen to stick the knife into me have apologised for that. You can think your point's proved or whatever you like, I actually couldn't give less of a toss and I think you're pretty well proving my point too.

you didn’t make a point
are you drunk?

Jourdain11 · 09/08/2022 21:49

Womencanlift · 09/08/2022 21:45

Oh I do know the concept of lighthearted. Your comment wasn’t. Whether you think it was or not it didn’t come across that way so maybe think about how your “humour” translates when writing it down

Show quote history

Yeah, thanks. I'm just not going to say anything. You've made me feel absolutely awful so please just back off now.

Jourdain11 · 09/08/2022 21:51

waterbotherer · 09/08/2022 21:48

you didn’t make a point
are you drunk?

Show quote history

No, I'm not drunk. So you think I sound like I'm drunk now, too? God, I'm clearly such a hopeless case. My point was that you'd all gone for me a bit over-the-top but clearly it's justified and I'm just an idiot and a moron and I should shut up and never post anything again.

YesJess · 09/08/2022 21:52

Why would it be an obvious putdown? I wouldn't assume somebody pushing 30 would be offended at not being mistaken for a teen.

loveislandusa · 09/08/2022 21:52

Jourdain11 · 09/08/2022 21:51

No, I'm not drunk. So you think I sound like I'm drunk now, too? God, I'm clearly such a hopeless case. My point was that you'd all gone for me a bit over-the-top but clearly it's justified and I'm just an idiot and a moron and I should shut up and never post anything again.

Show quote history

mumsnet ain’t for everyone I guess

SherbetDips · 09/08/2022 21:55

You need to grow up, crying because you didn’t get asked for I.d is beyond stupid.

bakewellbride · 09/08/2022 21:57

I pretty much look my age (sometimes get IDed buying dh's beer at 32) but will never forget the moment once when a stupid woman guessed I was early forties when I was 26. Somehow I held back the tears!

Summerslam · 09/08/2022 21:58

It's absolutely nothing to do with your sexuality and everything to do with the fact you look way over 25.

Johnnysgirl · 09/08/2022 21:59

Jourdain11 · 09/08/2022 21:31

Way to prove my point!! I acknowledged that my irony didn't come across and, if my misjudged comment caused anyone serious personal offence, then I apologise. But none of those who were dead keen to stick the knife into me have apologised for that. You can think your point's proved or whatever you like, I actually couldn't give less of a toss and I think you're pretty well proving my point too.

I'm sorry, @Jourdain11 I totally misread both your posts.