Would I be unreasonable to raise an issue with what a so-called friend said to me?

[Keyansier]

I have always looked very young for my age, which was a hinderance as a teenager and young adult but as I have got older I have embraced and taken upon the fact that that I look young as a blessing (I am now 28 btw but look like I am in the teenagers years range)

I bought a bottle of wine for dinner from the shop on the way home for me and my DBF last night (we are in a same-sex relationship) amongst other stuff and expected to show ID as normal and didn't get asked, so I jokingly said "Are you not going to ask me for ID for the wine?" and the (obviously gay a nd young) guy who was on the till stared at me and looked me up and down and said: "no, I don't think that's necessary."

I paid for my things without much further words and went home but was a bit upset. Later, I had a VERY SMALL cry to myself in private about it in the toilet and then when I told my friend later and told him what happened he was very nonchalant and said my crying was for attention-seeking and I always do it to try and get attention, even though I had JUST told him that I had cried to myself in total private and for very briefly, about ten seconds in total, if that!! I spoke to my DP later and he agreed with me that it was horrible but AIBU for being furious by the callous words from a so-called friend and should I lessen contact with them?

Can you tell us how it was "obvious" he was gay? Are you saying that all gays look and act the same? That they are all stereotypically "gay" in some way. I suspect you didn't intend to seem a bit bigoted but it certainly sounds like it.

No it doesn't. You must have led a very sheltered life if you don't know some gay people who are quite obviously gay. You don't even need 'gaydar' to know it! As the OP is himself a gay man, I rather doubt that his recognition of a fellow gay man was anything to do with bigotry.

Was it a put down as much, or do you think maybe he thought you were having a laugh and responded in kind with a deadpan response? You did say you were asking in a ‘joking’ manner.

By ‘obviously gay’ are you meaning camp? As I don’t think it’s a huge generalisation to say that type of borderline bitchy humour isn’t uncommon for camp men.

As a gay man yourself with presumably gay male friends I’m surprised this is the first time you’ve encountered such a ‘put down.’

Who did DP mean when he said it was horrible? Shop guy or BF?

I pity your poor friend! He probably witnesses you being a self-absorbed, attention-seeking drama llama a lot. My tip, lose the shitty attitude now, rather then later...

Thank you. I thought it was clear, in context, but obviously it offended a lot of people and even when I said that it was not a serious comment, they felt I was just saying that to backtrack because I'd been 'called out'. I thought it was a bit harsh to say I don't sound like a woman, and all the, "You need to work on your tone" stuff upset me. I still don't get what "noting it's lighthearted on the thread" means either, but I'm obviously being a bit dense!

I wasn't sure if you were serious, Jourdain. I thought you were probably being sarcastic, but then your follow up comment was hard to parse. I think it was a bit unfair how you got piled on, especially after you explained you were joking. But I get why some people thought you were being serious.

I still don't get what "noting it's lighthearted on the thread" means

I think it means writing (lighthearted) at the end of your post if you think it might be misunderstood. On reddit they do /s (which also works)

@Jourdain11 was clearly being sarcastic, let her be.

How can a response like this be seen as anything other than horrible?

To everyone else that replied: Thanks for those that were being supportive of me, I have been a lot calmer and have since had time to reflect on what happened. I still think the shop worker was in the wrong, but have come to the realisation that he just must be unhappy with his own situation and simply taking it out on others more fortunate than he!

"Thanks for those that were being supportive of me"

Being supportive of someone doesn't mean validating irrational, immature or attention-seeking behaviour. You went fishing for a compliment with the shop worker (given your emphasis on his sexuality, I wonder if you were flirting with him?) and it didn't work out. No biggie, but next time you play silly games, don't run off sobbing and demanding more attention when they don't go your way.

Oh god, isn't this the sort or laugh people have with shop assistants?

.....are you sure you don't want to ID me?
Hahah, no sweetie, you look about 26!
Hahaha! Thank you! I'm in my 30s, snigger snigger!

Really not worth the tears! Some people think I look younger than I am, Some get it spot on. I haven't been id'd since I bothered to get ID a few years ago.

Wow - the flouncy 'You're all so meeeeaaan!' reactions are even more ridiculous than the original massive overreaction!

I don't understand how the shop assistant was in the wrong at all. He told you you didn't need ID because you were trying to push it on him.

To everyone else that replied: Thanks for those that were being supportive of me, I have been a lot calmer and have since had time to reflect on what happened. I still think the shop worker was in the wrong, but have come to the realisation that he just must be unhappy with his own situation and simply taking it out on others more fortunate than he!

Bah ha ha

God your so conceited!

I still think the shop worker was in the wrong, but have come to the realisation that he just must be unhappy with his own situation and simply taking it out on others more fortunate than he!

In what way was the shop assistant 'in the wrong'?! He was right that you are not under 18. Is it now somehow a compulsory part of shop assistants' jobs to make sure they make flattering and inaccurate compliments to their customers in order to ensure they aren't accused of put-downs for failing to join in with their customers' illusions about themselves?! Wow. Who'd be a shop assist, eh?

You are being purposely difficult. In what way would it be remotely helpful to not ask for ID when it clearly is needed?

You're twenty-fucking-eight! Of course it's not needed.

This is still going???

I'll hand it to you, OP. You're good.

How can a response like this be seen as anything other than horrible?

Well, noone said Mumsnet was a safe space.

Were you drunk when posting this? How is any of what you said applicable, in any way?

You are being purposely difficult. In what way would it be remotely helpful to not ask for ID when it clearly is needed?

The shop assistant saw a 28 year-old, and understandably saw no need to ask for ID. The fact that you think you look like an under-18 is clearly a delusionneither here nor there.

In what way would it be remotely helpful to not ask for ID when it clearly is needed?

It clearly isn't. Maybe too much sun has been bad for your skin.

Troll

I dont look 28 though, I look more like 15-16

You sound about 12