AIBU to decline this wedding now?

[FamilyNightmares]

We have been invited to a family wedding overseas. It is going to cost a lot of money to go as it is far flung and you have to stay there a min no. of nights. Literally, it is going to cost a fortune. We are expected to go and there will be nuclear fallout if we don't. We don't have a close relationship with the bride and groom. I am massively put out that we have to spend this much money and cut back on other things to do so, but I accepted that we were going.

However, we now have the invitation and it is in term time (June) and I don't even know if my DC will be doing exams then? Also, during this week it is my DC's 18th and will be celebrating it on this day.

I know the B&G can do what they like etc. and it is their wedding and they owe us no consideration. However I now feel an adamant "NO" and that their wedding is just costing me too much and I am not prepared to miss my DC's milestone to go to their wedding.

If you are old enough to have children taking exams, why are you still afraid of your parents?

The idea that anyone is obligated to spend a small fortune to watch anyone else get hitched is outrageous if you ask me.

I once told my best friend that the quickest way to limit numbers to her wedding was to have it abroad. If you choose to have your wedding abroad you must accept that not everyone will be able to accommodate this (cost or date wise), simply RSVP now that you will be unable to attend.

No. A card and polite declining of the invitation as it's exam and term time.
Why do people go abroad to get married ESPECIALLY in these difficult times and bills are on everyone's mind. It's rude to EXPECT invitees to pay out for a foreign trip plus overnights gifts, outfits, drinks etc. Cheeky isn't the word, family or not.
I'd weather the fallout and say that it's not your business what other guests choose to do but your priorities are your children's education and the cost, neither of which are up for discussion.

Clearly you've been at least relatively lucky with your parents.

Decline and let the fallout happen. If your parents don't understand that it's just not possible to take the kids out of school in June (never mind the cost and all the other hassle) then it's their problem.

Well that's fine, everyone else can go then!

If they want you to go that much, they could offer to contribute toward the cost (as it's family). It's perfectly reasonable for you to decline - it's an invitation, not an order.

I would decline. It's way too expensive for someone you're not that close too. Definitely cannot miss DS 18th. Big Big milestone. I'd just as soon spend that money on a trip with your son. I took mine to Disney World, Universal Studios, etc. We stayed a week. He loved it.

Absolutely decline with “we are devastated we can’t join you (you’re not but whatever) but DC has A Levels that month and his 18th birthday is whilst we would be away, I’m sure you can appreciate that these are once only events for our family and it means we are sadly unable to attend your amazing wedding. your day will be forever in our thoughts and our prayers, we wish you all the very best, much love xxxx

A card and polite declining of the invitation Always with the bloody card.

If you are old enough to have children taking exams, why are you still afraid of your parents?

Ha!! Ha ha!!!! haaaaaahaaaaahaaaaahaaaaaaeeeeeeeee!

YANBU
Definitely decline.
Bloody shit destination wedding. If they are desperate to have one, there should be zero expectation of compulsory attendance.

Our of interest does anyone else have school age DC? What are they doing? I am guessing if DC are in key exam years, they won't be going either

Decline now.
The cost of living crisis is more than enough reason.
The exam season starts in May these days and runs through most of June so another good reason to decline.
The fallout may not be as bad as you think.

A invitation is just that, not an obligation. Just decline politely. Personally I would not even give a reason, people who have expensive weddings abroad cannot expect everyone they invite to go.

your children (exams, birthday, cost of living etc...) trumps the awkward expensive wedding of someone you dont even like that much.

I normally dont get the hatred for weddings that some people have but you have plenty of good reasons listed here for not attending (not that you 'need' a reason).

It seems like you all love a bit of drama, so call up your parent shaking and crying... how could Sibling exclude you from their wedding like this? Do they secretly HATE your oldest child? You don't know if you can ever forgive them. Etc.

If you arrange a wedding abroad the run the risk of people not going due to the huge time commitment and cost.
State your reasons and apologise and if they choose to ghost you so be it

It’s unreasonable to expect you to pay to travel to their wedding which they choose to have far away. Declining is a no brainer - it is in term time for school. If they have a problem with it it is their problem but appreciate it is difficult. Just send a nice card and gift instead.

If you have school aged kids then going abroad in June isnt feasible

Just say no

If they want everyone they love with them then don't get married abroad

Simple

My 18 yr old Ds missed a very important family wedding as it was mid way through his exams, my DH and stood by his decision his education and exams come before anything. Stick to your guns.

Say you can’t go because it’s dc’s exams (true) and you need to be there to support them (normal) plus it’s their 18th which you obviously can’t miss, plus other dc will be in normal school and there’s no childcare as everyone is going to the wedding.

RSVP 'no'

Just send them a gift and politely decline.

Exams will still be taking place in June plus your DS will be wanting to get out and celebrate with his mates. My son was 18 in July and there is no way we would have taken him away for his 18th, it is all about celebrating with mates.

Literally, it is going to cost a fortune. We are expected to go and there will be nuclear fallout if we don't. We don't have a close relationship with the bride and groom.

You're being ridiculous OP.

you've given several reasons why you don't want to go, but then say you have to like there's someone there with a gun to your head, forcing you to book accommodation, travel etc.

i don't believe that you have to do this, you're an adult, it's your money, you don't have to go if you don't want to.