To think Britain is pretty backwards with breastfeeding?

[Bluffysummers]

I just had an interesting experience (month or so ago) and I’ve been left pondering is it just the UK that pretty backwards with regards to attitudes towards breastfeeding?

as needs must, ive fed both of my kids in public, as discreetly as I can but both kids hated nursing covers, I do prefer a breastfeeding room but ones not always available and when a kids gotta eat a kids gotta eat. in the UK I’ve for sure had quite a few looks and tuts but the head scratcher for me was on hols.

so in Disneyland Paris, a real melting pot of cultures as we know, visitors from around the globe. Fed baby from numerous locations around the park, sat next to Italians who struck up a conversation (no second glance or funny looks) smiles from french people who’ve told their kids to sssh to not distract baby from milk (I speak french and broken Italian so that helps lol. Chatted to some emiratis and Turkish people whilst feeding no second glance or anything weird. No one batted an eyelid until we went to a restaurant In Disney village, and was sitting behind a young British couple. Baby needed feeding, so feed, well the woman (mid to late 20s) hit the roof and demanded the waiter reseat her, he said there were no more tables, she proceeded to tell him she felt physically sick by what was happening behind her, and asked if she could have rest of the meal to go and a dessert to go. The waiter was baffled, and asked why, and said they didn’t have takeout boxes. She got huffy and left half of her food and walked out. I can assume she thought I was french as obviously speaking to waiters in french. After the left, the waiter gave me a wink and said it was a ridiculous attitude.

but it got me wondering , is it just us Brits that are a bit backwards breastfeeding wise? I know my holiday is hardly an academic study but no other group of people seemed to react . I’m on a few social media bf groups and there are so so many posts of discrimination and nasty comments. So what do we think? Is it a UK problem?

I BF 2 children for a total of 34 months and I never once had a negative experience in the UK. I had loads of lovely supportive comments and nice people who would offer glasses of water or help moving prams. I think you must just be unlucky OP, or be in an area with some weird people.

@Daydreamsinsantafe Sure, it's the natural way. But your use of the word "normal" just proves my point really. I've only ever fed my baby by NG tube or adapted bottle for children with cleft - that is my normal. If I smushed my nipple into my baby's mouth at birth and expected her to take it because that's the normal way to feed, she'd have starved. I pumped for as long as I could before stress and misery dried me up and I only felt normal when I was no longer pumping trying to replicate a bf pattern for a baby who's normality was being bottle fed (with formula).

My point is, normality is relative to each individual. Wanting to put food in baby's belly is natural and unites all parents and how we get there is secondary. I don't want to be marginalised for something I couldn't control. And for those who could control their journey; I believe that is their choice, their normal.

Seems a bit extreme and it's just one person. I've BF in public all over the place in the U.K. - public transport, council meetings, library, pub, bench on high street - and no one has ever batted an eyelid.

I have experienced formula shaming several times though (combi-fed baby) when I got a bottle out to feed her.

The one place I encountered negativity for breastfeeding was church and I actually stopped going for a while or sat alone in the side chapel. It was only a small group of women but they tutted, stared and made comments about it being inappropriate.
With my dc2 and dc3 I would have just ignored them but with dc1 it really upset me.

Otherwise I breastfed them everywhere (including walking round the supermarket!) and never used breastfeeding rooms and they were often also baby changing rooms which I think is grim!

I don’t think @Bluffysummers has said or implied that she feels special or superior for breastfeeding so some of these comments seem unnecessarily nasty and bitter.

This was something I was a little worried about and almost anticipated happening at first, so I used to use a cover, but then it was just too much of a faff and now I don't use it. So far I've not had any such comments or looks, that I'm aware of anyway! There are some lovely older ladies that often smile and chat away to me whilst I'm feeding on the bus.

It’s maybe quite area dependant? I breastfed DS until he was 3 and no negative comments and never noticed funny looks either. I’m in SE London.

My SIL had her eldest while living in Dubai and got publicly told off a few times for bottle feeding which she found quite difficult.

Sorry I meant to add where is it you’re getting lots of looks and tuts?

Breastfed all over in the UK and had zero negative reactions. Very few people looked or said anything. A couple of people did come over and say 'well done' or how lovely it was to see, which was pretty patronising tbh though well intentioned (you don't need a pat on the head for feeding a baby, would they have done the same to a bottle feeding mum? Doubt it).

I don't think Britain is backwards at all.

I agree with this. UK is not child friendly enough n general. You only need to look on threads here to see frequently attitudes that children should not be children in public, and only out if quiet and still or in special child only places.

OP I am not surprised by what you experienced. I was supportive but saddened when the Scottish Parliament introduced a legal right to breast feed- supportive of the idea but saddened that it was felt necessary.

I wonder if the 'nudge-nudge' attitude and page 3 have an influence.

I also think you are unlucky . Between both my children , I have three years of breastfeeding ( and still going ) and I’ve never had a dirty look or a comment . I’ve nursed in church, in restaurants, buses, planes , weddings , cafes, walking around a shopping centre , in parks … everywhere !!!! I’ve only had support so far .

I breastfed DD to 3.4 (about 17 months outside the house), and only had one negative incident and lots of positives. I only used feeding rooms a handful of times when DD was tiny because they were offered to me out support. Briefly used a cover when DD was going through an easily distracted phase as my nipples were suffering.

I am in an area with a signficantly higher breastfeeding rates than average, middle class and a bit hippy!! In my DDs year at school out of 7 kids 5 were breastfed for at least a year (the 2 that weren't are twins). Also in my family all my Mum, Garndmother, Aunts and female cousins have all breastfed, so it is pretty normalised, I never considered not breasfeeding. But I know this is not representative of most of the UK.

But even in my area it is clearly noticable that breastfeeding is not common, I was feeding DD in a local cafe and a waitress orginating from East Asia commented how lovely it was to see as it was a rare thing here and so normal back home.

Family members thought I was disgusting and used to ask when I was going to stop that disgusting thing I was doing. Got glared at by a couple for breastfeeding 3 month old DS in hospital when he had a hospital appointment (children's outpatients). I had covered up with a feeding scarf.

did they actually use those exact words though? Or was it just ‘do you have plans to stop anytime soon’? As for the glaring… I mean. I had a few ‘looks’ but I don’t think they were thinking anything bad, just because they weren’t manically grinning away. People glance at me when I’m not breastfeeding, they have to point their eyes somewhere.

Whenever I hear that people were ‘glared’ at I wonder if actually it’s just a bitchy resting face and daydreaming.

I think other people care far less about what random strangers do than people realise

See I think this, they’re probably just away with the fairies, ‘oh look a baby, is that mum breastfeeding, yes she is, must remember to cancel that direct debit and pick up some bread on the way home’ etc etc.

I think it’s because we are so uptight about sex and therefore angry at breasts potentially being “out” and the poor man might turn to stone if he sees a nipple.
I never had any issues, only positive smiles etc but all the negative opinions I’ve heard have been from females implying that breastfeeding makes men uncomfortable.

Breastfeeding rates are extremely low in the UK, so because it isn't seen as the norm, some people (wrongly) feel uncomfortable when they see it happening. Especially with older babies, as I found out! I used to feed mine everywhere though, and never got anything said to me, the odd raised eyebrow or someone looking a bit longer than necessary, but in 5 years of breastfeeding I didn't get any comments, or told to cover up etc. Maybe my resting bitch face scared them all off?! I do know what you mean about it seemingly being more accepted and "celebrated" in other cultures though, I've had really positive experiences with people from other cultures while feeding. A kind Eastern European lady, when I was feeding in the supermarket, got off her checkout seat and pulled it to the side for me to sit on while my husband packed the shopping, and like you, in France, found people would smile at you feeding and offer to get you things. I was brought drinks by strangers, when feeding in public Spain and Italy. A Spanish waiter spent ages sat entertaining my toddler who had been whining and trying to get my attention when I was feeding the baby, it's just seen more in other countries, so is just the norm. Hopefully rates will improve in the U.K, people will feel more comfortable breastfeeding in public, and with that new generations who see it as the norm here too.

I fully agree. BF rates are so low in the UK and it's such a shame. IME, breastfeeding rates are linked to cultural acceptance, and where I live, BF is the norm. The only comments I have ever received when feeding my 4DC were from Brits. I was also surprised by how many females felt the need to comment when I BF beyond 1 year...

I believe you, OP.
There are definitely women who are openly anti breastfeeding.
My husband's cousin had a baby at the same time as us this year.
She asked my husband (not me although I was sat right next to him) if I bottle or breastfed. He said breast, she responded "Ew, why would you want to do that?"

They are forwards. They are forwards in convincing us that a substance produced by billionaires and their companies can be better than a substance that comes out sterile, at the perfect temperature, tailored to the baby's needs to provide optimum nutrition and immune system and gut development.

They are forwards in profiting from this and it's only a matter of time until breastfeeding and its proponents and the women across the globe who do it naturally are considered backwards.

It happened with co-sleeping. It's all to the detriment of our children's and our own mental and physical health, but that's okay, since that's profitable to the same people who produce the formula and "breastmilq".

I breastfed both my boys all over the place in the North East without any fuss, judgement or criticism
My friend came up from outer London and commented on how easy and relaxing it was to feed up here and how good the facilities were (Darlington & CDurham has a breastfeeding friendly campaign which encourages businesses and facilities to show support to BF mothers) . From speaking to her I think it can be a bit of a location dependent thing but I've got to say it's good up here and the campaigns have rubbed off on the public. Most people are supportive and when I was struggling with a fussy baby or trying to feed and sort out my other son and out in my own people always offered to help.
Unfortunately I know that the friendliness doesn't necessarily equate to great BF uptake and a large number of other mums I know wouldn't even try it with their babies.

I think we're in similar locations!
County Durham and Darlington do seem to have very good bf friendly schemes and support compared to other areas. I found the bf support groups so much better than my Newcastle based SIL did around the same time. I was given loads of practical support, follow up calls and generally felt like I always had someone to go to through peer support. Lots of places happy for you to pop in just to feed.

There isn't up-to-date data on infant feeding - the last infant feeding survey was 12 years ago but those figures still keep getting rolled out as the U.K. having low BFing rates. I combi-fed for first year and BF to 3.5 years but that isn't recorded anywhere because no one was collecting stats.

When I had DD, I found that everyone, with a very few exceptions, was BFing. Formula wasn't provided on postnatal and the one woman who was formula feeding was treated like a pariah. There was support for BFing everywhere - and they were constantly ramming info about it down our throats at NHS antenatal classes, HV encounters etc. There were support groups left right and centre. What there wasn't was any support for combi-feeding or using formula.

Everybody I encountered at toddler groups started off BFing. Most carried on, several for years. Many BF for at least the first year. There were some groups I went to where I was the only one using formula. Those that did stop BFing it was usually because of allergies and having to limit their diet too much.

I don’t understand this.

surely you acknowledge formula is a product, like any other, to be bought, and the manufacturers needs to promote it and make profit in order to keep going?

I think we're generally more het up about nudity. Other countries have topless sunbathing, naked saunas and spas etc. Nobody bats an eyelid. Here nudity = sex and breastfeeding upsets some morons people.

In my own little metropolitan bubble, breastfeeding is the norm but venturing elsewhere showed me how different attitudes can be.