To think Britain is pretty backwards with breastfeeding?

[Bluffysummers]

I just had an interesting experience (month or so ago) and I’ve been left pondering is it just the UK that pretty backwards with regards to attitudes towards breastfeeding?

as needs must, ive fed both of my kids in public, as discreetly as I can but both kids hated nursing covers, I do prefer a breastfeeding room but ones not always available and when a kids gotta eat a kids gotta eat. in the UK I’ve for sure had quite a few looks and tuts but the head scratcher for me was on hols.

so in Disneyland Paris, a real melting pot of cultures as we know, visitors from around the globe. Fed baby from numerous locations around the park, sat next to Italians who struck up a conversation (no second glance or funny looks) smiles from french people who’ve told their kids to sssh to not distract baby from milk (I speak french and broken Italian so that helps lol. Chatted to some emiratis and Turkish people whilst feeding no second glance or anything weird. No one batted an eyelid until we went to a restaurant In Disney village, and was sitting behind a young British couple. Baby needed feeding, so feed, well the woman (mid to late 20s) hit the roof and demanded the waiter reseat her, he said there were no more tables, she proceeded to tell him she felt physically sick by what was happening behind her, and asked if she could have rest of the meal to go and a dessert to go. The waiter was baffled, and asked why, and said they didn’t have takeout boxes. She got huffy and left half of her food and walked out. I can assume she thought I was french as obviously speaking to waiters in french. After the left, the waiter gave me a wink and said it was a ridiculous attitude.

but it got me wondering , is it just us Brits that are a bit backwards breastfeeding wise? I know my holiday is hardly an academic study but no other group of people seemed to react . I’m on a few social media bf groups and there are so so many posts of discrimination and nasty comments. So what do we think? Is it a UK problem?

We are quite conservative as a nation with our bodies compared to other European countries. It stands to reason that more women don't feel comfortable breastfeeding here. I bottle fed both mine, have absolutely no regrets but had I breastfed, I don't think I could have done it in public. Under a shawl I guess.

I've just finished feeding my DD after two years of feeding in public with never a cover. I have not once experienced ANY negativity.

I really struggle to believe that anyone fe their children for 18months, etc, without experiencing any negativity in the UK, tbh.

I have literally never come across anyone saying anything to me about breastfeeding in public, from fancy restaurants to park benches. And I am clumsy and rubbish at being discreet and my DC were of the nosy, pull off and flash mum's nipple variety. Maybe I have been lucky?

You don’t have to believe it but that’s my experience. Might depend where you live.

I did 14 months x2 and never had a negative comment.

I had one waitress apologise to me for not automatically bringing me a glass of water as was their policy for anyone breastfeeding, a woman in the GP waiting room saying how lovely it was to see, one man offer to move along a bench to give me more elbow room, my mum say how nice it was I seemed to be just getting on with it without seeming self-conscious and one friend compliment my ninja skills when she met me on a train platform and I alighted balancing my change bag and sling over one arm whilst not breaking the latch.

That's the sum total of any comments. Nothing negative. And I never used a cover or hid away in a special room.

I really struggle to believe that anyone fe their children for 18months, etc, without experiencing any negativity in the UK, tbh.

Sooooo we're all liars? 🙈

I breastfed my first baby for 7 months and my second baby for 14 months (he refused bottle - I was desperate to give up!). Not a single negative comment or look or anything, the entire time.

BF one dc, bottlefed the other from birth. Got FAR more dirty looks, comments and judgement on the bottle feeding. Honestly wish people would just feed their own babies however they want and get on with it.

And I literally got my boobs 'out' out.

This is so true! It always makes me laugh how posters are very quick to say that nobody cares, followed by pages and pages of VERY opinionated posts by people who are very passionate about the subject 😝

Got FAR more dirty looks, comments and judgement on the bottle feeding

Yep - I'm sure there's more of a stigma attached to that than breastfeeding!

I think it's worth remembering that Mumsnet is a predominantly urban, middle-class audience. Many people have mentioned not having any issues in 'southwest London'. I do believe them, but this thread is not an accurate representation of the UK demographic. My London acquaintances breastfed, but you go out of the big cities and into more working class areas and the picture is totally different.

Lack of support PPs mention doesn't only refer to nurses and midwives. Mothers, aunts and older women in the community play an important role in a woman's success with establishing breastfeeding. 30-40 years ago, breastfeeding was still taboo in the UK. Many of today's 60-70 year olds did not breastfeed, and they are now unable to pass on advice and be as supportive to their daughters as they might like. There was a breastfeeding revival recently but it's still not trendy in most parts of the country, especially in less affluent and less international ones.

No strangers have ever said anything negative to me about feeding in public. But my mother thinks I'm nuts for feeding longer than 6 weeks and has tried to cover me up in the past when out and about I fed my last baby until he was over 18 months and would have gone longer but he self weaned!!

I have been bf for 5 years (including 2 yr old nurseling now) and never had any negative comments ever

Admittedly I live in sw London so maybe that makes a difference?

I raised my kids in the US and never encountered attitudes like this, so maybe it is a British thing.

@Bluffysummers my experience has been the same. 5 years breastfeeding in total. Fed in many countries. The uk is the only place I’ve experienced negativity. Quite a lot of it actually.
it’s just not part of the day to day lives of a huge percentage of our population. Boobs are totally sexualised.
its a real shame.

The woman was weird. I don’t you can draw massive conclusions from an individual loon….

I think it might, a bit like my experience in Paris

Yes! ‘Aw, they’re so young for a bottle’

Bugger off!

French bf rates are low though as well, from what I recall. I fed 3, 15-20 years ago and really never had anything rude said to me.

I really struggle to believe that anyone fe their children for 18months, etc, without experiencing any negativity in the UK, tbh.

done five years in total (not all continuously) and I’ve had no rude comments. Only thing I can think of was an old lady telling me there was a baby changing area while I was feeding…. This was as I was feeding at the back of a church. I assumed she maybe wanted me to go there…. I just said thanks but she doesn’t need changing at the moment.

and I don’t live in a particularly middle class area at all

I breastfed in public all the time, no covers and never had any disapproving looks, tuts or frowns. Some folk were lovely - the young girl in Costa offered to put my coffee in a takeaway cup as I was feeding and brought me a tap water! It sounds like the young woman in Disneyworld was just a dick. (Going to Disney without kids is a bit weird anyway!)

OP didn't imply she was special. What's your problem?

I know Disneyland Paris is full of tourists from all over, but it's interesting that French breastfeeding rates are actually lower than ours and the French are even more conservative than the British about feeding in public - see here for example.

That said, I breastfed DS1 to 18 months and currently feeding DS2 who is 3 months. I've never had any negativity and I feed wherever and don't use covers, just am normally covered up by my clothes so you don't really see any boob.

I think it really depends on exactly where you are in the UK. I'm in a middle class, urban area and all my mum friends breastfed or at least combi fed their babies to at least a year. I don't know anyone who exclusively formula fed.

I think it's important to recognise the different between 'negativity' and a general awkwardness.

In my experience, there has been and continues to be a general awkwardness and clumsiness when it comes to breastfeeding, particularly if feeding for more than a few months. It's as if people don't know where to look or what to do about it, when the reality is, obviously, they don't need to do anything at all! I recall feeding my DD1 at my in-laws back in the day, and even with a cover, it was like my FIL felt that he had to leave the room or something 😂.

For me, this isn't the same as 'negativity' about breastfeeding. Negativity is when people are more openly dismissive of breastfeeding, and this is when you find more vocal examples like the one the OP mentioned.