My children are nearly 30. I failed to breastfeed my son. I had infective mastitis, a breast abscess and later, may years later, realised the toe-curling pain after feeds must have been due to thrush of the inner breast tissues, probably not helped by three courses of anti-biotics.
These were some of the comments I received:
Ante-natally: "every woman can breastfeed; it's completely natural and what breasts are for; if women say they can't it's psychological. Chelsea & Westminster ante-natal class - said by a midwife.
Post natally: "you have given yourself a problem, all babies need is 10 minutes on each side every four hours - that's enough". Middle aged out of hours GP in Wandsworth.
"oh, you say you think you have flu - well don't worry about the baby, he'll have anti-bodies and you can't give it to him" Post natal ward at St George's Hospital, which mothers were told to ring if they encountered any problems. The midwives had given me a day off. 12 hours later resulted in the house call from the dipstick Dr above.
"if your nipples are that sore, you should wrap yourself in a blanket and sit by the fire" HV in Wandsworth - she was 23.
When I called again in desperation "well there's no point calling me because I'm not an expert, why don't you phone the NCT?". Same HV as above - and that point I was utterly, utterly desperate to be out of pain and to be given permission to stop feeding.
"You can take paracetamol before a feed to take the edge off", followed at the next call with "it's so important to succeed at breastfeeding, I'm going to give you the number of the lady who sorts out the electric pumps for the ladies with really premmy babies, that might help your nipples rest" NCT Wandsworth.
The lady who sorted the electric pumps came. I cried all over her. She realised I was unwell and in extreme pain. She sorted me out with an electric pump and then went to the chemist and with her own money bought me two bottles and a tub of Milupa. Then she showed me how to sterilise (because other hcp's had made me terrified of poisoning my baby), make a bottle and feed a bottle to a baby.
Within 24 hours I felt human again and the baby was so contented (I'll add I think my problem was too much rather than too little milk and the baby gained well from day one). Physically I recovered quickly; emotionally it took anti-depressants and therapy.
The reason women in the UK don't have high rates of BF is due to almost non-existent support. I believe it is better nowadays and am glad that the HCP mantra has become more of a mixed economy. There was never a time when all mothers could breastfeed perfectly and in fact maternal death rates 300 hundred years ago were higher due to mastitis than they were due to puerperal fever. The only babies who survived those deaths of their mothers were those whose infants had died already who could be hired as wet nurses.
Nearly all mothers in my social circle breast fed nearly 30 years ago; except as time rolled on some admitted they didn't actually but wouldn't have said they had given up due to the external pressures.
Mothers should be facilitated to make choices and not be made to feel inadequate as a result of those choices by other women; whether they are HCPs or not.
I think it's interesting that the health professionals are coming round to choice 30 years on and at a time when there are far more lactation consultants and people who are professionally trained to support the skill of breastfeeding than there then. Supporting breast feeding is a whole lot more than reading from a leaflet.
Back to the OP. I can only assume the 20 something in the restaurant was an ill-educated nincompoop. May I please implore you not to think of her as an example of the average British woman.