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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Britain is pretty backwards with breastfeeding?

218 replies

Bluffysummers · 08/08/2022 19:56

I just had an interesting experience (month or so ago) and I’ve been left pondering is it just the UK that pretty backwards with regards to attitudes towards breastfeeding?

as needs must, ive fed both of my kids in public, as discreetly as I can but both kids hated nursing covers, I do prefer a breastfeeding room but ones not always available and when a kids gotta eat a kids gotta eat. in the UK I’ve for sure had quite a few looks and tuts but the head scratcher for me was on hols.

so in Disneyland Paris, a real melting pot of cultures as we know, visitors from around the globe. Fed baby from numerous locations around the park, sat next to Italians who struck up a conversation (no second glance or funny looks) smiles from french people who’ve told their kids to sssh to not distract baby from milk (I speak french and broken Italian so that helps lol. Chatted to some emiratis and Turkish people whilst feeding no second glance or anything weird. No one batted an eyelid until we went to a restaurant In Disney village, and was sitting behind a young British couple. Baby needed feeding, so feed, well the woman (mid to late 20s) hit the roof and demanded the waiter reseat her, he said there were no more tables, she proceeded to tell him she felt physically sick by what was happening behind her, and asked if she could have rest of the meal to go and a dessert to go. The waiter was baffled, and asked why, and said they didn’t have takeout boxes. She got huffy and left half of her food and walked out. I can assume she thought I was french as obviously speaking to waiters in french. After the left, the waiter gave me a wink and said it was a ridiculous attitude.

but it got me wondering , is it just us Brits that are a bit backwards breastfeeding wise? I know my holiday is hardly an academic study but no other group of people seemed to react . I’m on a few social media bf groups and there are so so many posts of discrimination and nasty comments. So what do we think? Is it a UK problem?

OP posts:
TeapotTitties · 08/08/2022 20:15

Such high drama OP

I know my holiday is hardly an academic study

You're right, it's not.

123ROLO · 08/08/2022 20:15

I was on a busy train couple of weeks back going Newcastle to York and a lady was very openly breast feeding, there was the odd curious glance but no one seemed to care.

Not saying my experience represents the whole of the UK, but I think the majority of people are completely indifferent to people breast feeding, just the odd ones who have an issue with it are the ones to shout the loudest

Popcorncovered · 08/08/2022 20:15

Yes

NorthCountryBlues · 08/08/2022 20:16

Hmm. Yes and no. BF rates are low in the UK and that is fact. Anecdotally I’ve generally had positive experiences feeding in public (in a total of 6 years feeding 3 different babies/toddlers, I only had 2 dirty looks which I don’t think is horrendous).
And that holds for the other countries I publicly fed in - the States, Canada, France, Italy, Norway.

I think we are generally less baby friendly in the UK that in some other countries and that might extend to feeding attitudes.

Thejoyfulstar · 08/08/2022 20:17

I have lived in the Middle East and currently live in Europe and completely agree. I've breastfeed 3 kids, anywhere and everywhere, and the very few weird reactions that I have had have been from an English lady and an Irish man. On a flight from the Middle East I was feeding my baby and an English woman walked past, looked at us and made an audible 'urgh' sound. The Irish man was so awkward and seemed scared I would think he was being creepy.

GrandSlamFinalee · 08/08/2022 20:18

Part of the reason why France has fairly low breastfeeding rates is because most women only get 3-4 months maternity leave. It used to be the same in Spain and Italy, although it’s now slowly increasing over there.

It would be interesting to adjust for and compare rates in a country where a 3 month maternity leave is the norm vs 9-12 months like in the UK.

Brented · 08/08/2022 20:19

I’ve only experienced the opposite. I mix fed and had some lovely comments when breastfeeding, but some very rude and hurtful comments when I bottlefed. I would prefer no comments at all, and people just to let mothers get in with things.

x2boys · 08/08/2022 20:19

Well hopefully things have changed my kids are 12 and 15 now but when my oldest was born I found there was very little support for mothers that wanted to give breastfeeding a go , maybe inteasd of just insisting breast is best and then ignoring new mothers concerns they should actually invest in supporting new mothers in making this choice, ( if that's what they want)

Original poster
Bluffysummers · 08/08/2022 20:20

Wouldloveanother · 08/08/2022 20:11

I put YABU as I’m not sure about your ‘physically sick’ story, it seems very exaggerated.

YANBU about attitudes to breastfeeding being more relaxed abroad though. Brits are real prudes compared to other nationalities.

If I never utter another word. It’s gods honest truth.

the woman remarked with some head tilts and eyes to her partner that she felt sick and then beckoned the waiter over…

OP posts:
Sometimeswinning · 08/08/2022 20:20

There is a massive divide between the keep going breastfeeding is best and the give up fed is best.

It's sad we can't all meet in the middle. Offer support/make it so no woman feels uncomfortable breastfeeding in public or feels bad when it's not suiting their lifestyle.

StepAwayFromGoogling · 08/08/2022 20:21

Breastfeeding rates are not low in the UK because everyone has a stick up their arse. FFS. There's loads of posters here saying they've never had a negative experience. You had one woman say something to you and because she was British you've decuded everyone is uptight about it?!

DappledThings · 08/08/2022 20:21

Breastfed two children for 14 months each, EBF to 6 months. Did so in cafes, parks, churches, the optician, trains, etc. Never used a cover, never moved anywhere other than where I was.

Had two positive comments and no negative ones. Nobody else ever noticed, commented, gave me a look or anything.

When DC were little we lived in SE London, everyone breastfed. One of my friends was really worried about being judged for bottle feeding.

Pumperthepumper · 08/08/2022 20:21

Bluffysummers · 08/08/2022 20:20

If I never utter another word. It’s gods honest truth.

the woman remarked with some head tilts and eyes to her partner that she felt sick and then beckoned the waiter over…

Show quote history

No, she said it to the waiter!

hit the roof and demanded the waiter reseat her, he said there were no more tables, she proceeded to tell him she felt physically sick by what was happening behind her, and asked if she could have rest of the meal to go and a dessert to go. The waiter was baffled, and asked why, and said they didn’t have takeout boxes. She got huffy and left half of her food and walked out.

Popcorncovered · 08/08/2022 20:23

A lot of posts on this thread are from mums who have fed out and about in the UK without problems. But that doesn't prove that there is no problem. The fact is that the vast majority of mum don't breastfeed or stop breastfeeding before weaning age.

A lot of them feed for such a short time (or not at all) because they are worried about feeding in front of others, they/ their partner think breasts are just sexual, they have been brought up to think that it's "yukky".

Obviously some mums formula feed for other reasons, but yes, lots of people have a strange attitude towards it

Wouldloveanother · 08/08/2022 20:23

Popcorncovered · 08/08/2022 20:23

A lot of posts on this thread are from mums who have fed out and about in the UK without problems. But that doesn't prove that there is no problem. The fact is that the vast majority of mum don't breastfeed or stop breastfeeding before weaning age.

A lot of them feed for such a short time (or not at all) because they are worried about feeding in front of others, they/ their partner think breasts are just sexual, they have been brought up to think that it's "yukky".

Obviously some mums formula feed for other reasons, but yes, lots of people have a strange attitude towards it

Where did you get all that from?

Original poster
Bluffysummers · 08/08/2022 20:23

L1ttledrummergirl · 08/08/2022 20:11

Having breastfed 3 dc for over a year each I disagree. Most people weren't aware I was feeding and when people did realise they were quite happy to mind their own business.

I only had a few people comment and they were mainly older woman, all very positive and supportive.
This was 20 years ago.

40 years ago my dmum was breastfeeding my sister with a cover when a fuckwit started giving her a hard time. We lived in Germany at the time.

Yabu to assume 1 dickwad is representative of a population.

Well obviously she isn’t representative of the UK as whole and whilst I might have had a few awkward looks from time to time ‘in’ the UK, I’d never ever experienced anything as blatant before but there are so so many examples on Fb mum and breastfeeding groups you do wonder if it’s the same elsewhere or if it’s a British thing

OP posts:
turquoise1988 · 08/08/2022 20:23

I would have thought your experience would be in the minority really, despite very low breastfeeding rates in the UK.

I don't know...people can be weird about it. Because the majority of women in the UK formula feed, it seems to create this weird illusion that women who breastfeed somehow see themselves as 'better' than everyone else, which is obviously not true. It's like women who formula feed sometimes see it as an attack on the choice they made, as if they aren't doing it 'properly' or 'the right way.' I have met so many formula feeding mothers who seem to think they need to give a reason to justify why they didn't want to breastfeed. It's usually 'my milk didn't come in' or 'I didn't produce enough.' It's sad...why not just...'it isn't for me' or 'I didn't want to.'

Anyway, I'm going off on a bit of a tangent. But I think that's why there is still much stigma attached to it in the UK. People like you experienced, OP, aren't usually such arseholes about it.

StepAwayFromGoogling · 08/08/2022 20:25

Popcorncovered · 08/08/2022 20:23

A lot of posts on this thread are from mums who have fed out and about in the UK without problems. But that doesn't prove that there is no problem. The fact is that the vast majority of mum don't breastfeed or stop breastfeeding before weaning age.

A lot of them feed for such a short time (or not at all) because they are worried about feeding in front of others, they/ their partner think breasts are just sexual, they have been brought up to think that it's "yukky".

Obviously some mums formula feed for other reasons, but yes, lots of people have a strange attitude towards it

Could you point me to the research that shows these are the reasons breastfeeding rates are low in the UK please?

Original poster
Bluffysummers · 08/08/2022 20:26

Pumperthepumper · 08/08/2022 20:21

No, she said it to the waiter!

hit the roof and demanded the waiter reseat her, he said there were no more tables, she proceeded to tell him she felt physically sick by what was happening behind her, and asked if she could have rest of the meal to go and a dessert to go. The waiter was baffled, and asked why, and said they didn’t have takeout boxes. She got huffy and left half of her food and walked out.

Show quote history

She did also say it to the waiter yes as to why she wanted to move but the conversation started with her telling her partner… honestly there’s no need to go all columbo and try and dissect the post, it’s not that heavy.

OP posts:
fyn · 08/08/2022 20:26

If you want back up - have a look at the comments on this article. It’s about a recent mumsnet thread, there are 2,000 comments basically saying how gross it is and that the woman should cover up - www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-11084875/Mother-reveals-breastfeeding-shamed-partner.html#comments-11084875

Pumperthepumper · 08/08/2022 20:28

Bluffysummers · 08/08/2022 20:26

She did also say it to the waiter yes as to why she wanted to move but the conversation started with her telling her partner… honestly there’s no need to go all columbo and try and dissect the post, it’s not that heavy.

Show quote history

As god as your witness and all that, it’s not that heavy.

Original poster
Bluffysummers · 08/08/2022 20:30

Pumperthepumper · 08/08/2022 20:28

As god as your witness and all that, it’s not that heavy.

Show quote history

That’s just how I talk 🙄

OP posts:
luxxlisbon · 08/08/2022 20:31

@Popcorncovered A lot of them feed for such a short time (or not at all) because they are worried about feeding in front of others, they/ their partner think breasts are just sexual, they have been brought up to think that it's "yukky".

I mean you’ve just entirely made that up!
A more likely reason is the lack of support with BF, and the lack of community around young parents these days making it incredibly difficult to be the sole source of nutrition and comfort 24hrs a day for your baby.

Fixyourself · 08/08/2022 20:31

Such a sad country we live in where drinking cow tit milk in your tea is normal but breastfeeding a child with human milk is often frowned upon or deemed disgusting. Crazy!