Expensive birthday activity for DS, how to stop uninvited "extra" kids coming?

[samsmummyhere]

Just that ready.
For DS's birthday next month he wants to go to a particular place that cost almost £30 per child for the activity and food afterwards.
I've told him he can invite 10 friends along, I seriously couldn't afford any more.
Trouble is, at most of the parties he's attended in the past since starting school, I've noticed so many of the mums from his circle of friends to bring along ALL their kids, even when not invited. Like it's free childcare of something, or just because they can't leave them at home (understandable I suppose for single parents without help etc).
BUT I'm adamant I don't want this happening at my son's party... Why should I end up paying several more £30 for the sake of mums who do this?
Anyone being in similar situations? How do I word it politely but FIRMLY on the invitations that the invites are for the NAMED FRIEND ONLY, no siblings or other add-ons?

Say that there will be a list of named invitees on the door - anyone not on that list will not be allowed in/to take part in the activities (depending on the set up at the activity centre) so please don't attempt to leave extra children as they will not be catered for in any way.

This seems to be a fairly new thing. My older 2 are 27 and 19 and when they were younger you just dropped and ran

My younger 2 are 11 and 9 and there was definitely some parents who tried to get away with siblings or just hung about themselves because they can't possibly leave their child until they are 18

(I may be exaggerating slightly)

My older 2 are 27 and 19 and when they were younger you just dropped and ran

Really? At a large soft play, several miles from home with only one or two adults in charge of half a class or more 4 and 5 year olds?

DD is 22 and all parents stayed at soft play parties when their DC were 4/5. Also, because of where we live it wasn't worth driving home due to the distance.

Can you imagine the outrage on Aibu ,
My oldest son has been invited to a sky diving party ,and i told lhis five siblings they could go as well and they were very excited about it ,imagine their disappointment that when we got there the birthday child's parents said they could only pay for my oldest son so my five younger children had to miss out
Aibu in thinking if you invite one child yoy invite all their brothers and sisters?

Luckily my daughter's friends never had a soft play party. In the first year at school the parties were in the child's home then in subsequent years the parties were ten pin bowling, zoo visits, cinema parties and a swimming party. In all of those there were no siblings allowed or even attempt to gatecrash. The venues monitored the number of guests and did their own staff ratio to number of children calculations. No parents were included in those calculations but there was always a rule that the guest numbers couldn't be adjusted on the day, a named list of guests had to be provided in advance to be ticked off on arrival and at least 2 parents or responsible adults had to remain at the venue throughout the party.

This was in the early 2000s.

My goodness, £30 a head for a children's party?! I would expect to pay that for wedding catering, maybe, but not for a crowd of kids at a birthday party. That seems way over the top, to me.
If your DS has his heart set on that particular activity, then perhaps you could take just him and a friend, or him and a sibling?

There's no rule that children have to have a party for every single birthday, either! That never used to be the norm, at least not in the social circles that I was in as a mum of young children.

Parties have become an expectation nowadays and seem to have to keep getting more and more adventurous and expensive. Why not tone it down a bit and just have a few friends over for tea and a sleepover instead?

So say there is 30 children in a class, each having a full class party. That means potentially for up to 30 weekends a year those parents that insist on staying at a party have to take time out of their weekend making small talk with other parents

Multiply that by siblings who have got their own class parties to attend and you have to do it all again

Sounds like hell! When do you actually do other activities? Ok a party isn’t all day or even all weekend but they are likely at a very awkward middle of the day time so you cannot go out on a day trip or go and visit relatives

That is not what op or her ds wants! Why on earth should she 'tone it down' or just invite a friend and a sibling?

What a strange post.

@Womencanlift yep, honestly i thought that was just your regular school calendar for reception and yr1. but we're in London so i dont know any of the parents and wouldnt be comfortable to have left my kids with some random parent in reception

Why should she If she can afford it what's the issue?

Sorry I tagged the wrong poster that was supposed t8 be aimed at @80sMum .

If your child is invited to a party that costs £30 per head, and you don’t want to leave them, then you speak to the parents, explain the issue and they can point you in the direction of booking in for yourself.
failing that, your child doesn’t get to go!

Why should she If she can afford it what's the issue?

I'm not saying that she should, it was just a suggestion. The OP seemed concerned about escalating costs, so I thought perhaps a smaller, simpler affair might be preferable and would eliminate the potential problem of gate-crashing siblings.

There's no issue, other than it seems like a lot of money for a children's party. The OP can afford £300 for a child's party, so of course yes she can spend the money on that, if that's what she wants to do.

we limited DC numbers to make it affordable but we also made it clear we would only pay for the invited guest.

Most parents around here stay rather than drop (at that age) and leave and only one person we knew had a child care issue so we spoke to them separately and invited the sibling.

what we also did because we expected some CF was sort out a set of food for the parents table outside the party room, for the parents but also to head of any additional siblings who were there from coming in the party room.

however we didn’t get an CF at all which was good

Perfect. Make it clear in invitations. Have a spare ready on the day of any siblings turn up and remind the parents what was in the invitation.

I have a 3.5 year ,21month old, and newborn I have been to 4 or 5 parties in soft play places with my oldest son for his precschool friends I have never left the others at home but would never expect someone else to Pay for them I always pay for my 21 months old I also wouldn't leave my 3 year old at a party by himself so depends on they age but yes I know what you mean some people would take the piss

Have a spare what?

Invitation - to remind the CF of the wording

Depends if it's just the cost of the venue or the food that is the issue. I do a trampoline park for my son's birthday most years and I usually add on the invitation that siblings are welcome but will need to be paid for and if booking is required booked in by parents. The food never bothers me because I always do too much buffet food but if it was a Mela box etc then I'd advise they also pay for their sibling's food.

£30 a head?

How old is kid
What's the activity

It’s been unfortunate this thread has been derailed by a couple of entitled parents of younger children. This is not relevant to the OP’s situation. The children in question are 10 years old and the party isn’t soft play, it’s a £30 structured activity!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

oh lol, I read that completely wrong, I thought she meant spare ticket incase a cf sibling turned up

Sorry, Teder. I’ll remember to ask you if I’m allowed to discuss the wider issue before posting next time.
It’s not like I’m “entitled” to post what ever I want on a public forum.

Put no siblings on the invite and give the venue the names of the invited kids and tell them you won't pay for any more than those. I had to do this one year after the first party I organised one parent turned up with 3 other kids in tow! I was skint at the time and those 3 kids used up the majority of my food budget for that week 😡